Tuesday, 31 July 2007

His Name is Prince

Ghaly goes for £3M and the self-proclaimed Ghetto Kid, Kevin Prince Boateng, is in for around £5M.

I called him a quintessential Levy signing in a previous blog.

‘Young, athletic and decent re-sale value’. If his knees hold up of course. And I’m quite happy to be surprised that unlike the Giles Barnes rumours, this one has been followed through and completed. In fact, I’m certain that because of Barnes refusal to leave Derby, Boateng has signed as the continental equivalent.

Boateng, Taarabt, Kaboul, Rose and Bale. Not a bad collection of talented youngsters. But still no left-winger.

So Boateng. What do we get for our money?

Strength on the ball, pace and vision are arguably his strong points. Playing in an advanced role at Hertha, he is an offensive central midfielder. Unlike Jenas, he actually has confidence that sometimes borders on arrogance. Not quite sure of him playing a deeper ‘Carrick’ style role that some are suggesting he might, but apparently has the ability to do just that. Does so for the national side, patrolling just in front of the back four, dictating the pace of the game.

Hmmm…this player sounds a little too complete, doesn’t he? Although I’d stop short for now that he is Germanys natural heir to Michael Ballack.

Depth with (potential) quality is something we now have in abundance. Although whether all these young players bought will be first teamers or backups remains to be seem though I’m looking forward to most of them turning out for the Carling Cup.

I’m quite content with this signing. Shocked that we recovered it after it looked dead.

Well done Damien Comolli.

Proof that some football managers have brains made of shit

So The Fall Guy has left the building. Turned out to be the perfect little ploy by Mr Levy, to the tune of £3M. He must love it when a plan comes together. Anyways...

Steve Bruce, manager of Birmingham. And twat:

Birmingham have completed the signing of Egyptian midfielder Hossam Ghaly from Premier League rivals Tottenham.

The 25-year-old international has penned a three-year deal at St Andrews after agreeing terms with the Blues.

"The signing of Hossam is an excellent acquisition," said Blues boss Steve Bruce. "I was always impressed when I saw him play for Spurs last season.

"As well as being technically gifted, he can stand up to the physical side of the game and give us that edge."

I think the Bruceisms deserve to be bullet pointed:

  • The signing of Hossam is an excellent acquisition
  • I was always impressed when I saw him play for Spurs
  • Technically gifted
  • Can stand up to the physical side
  • Give us that edge

Excellent acquisition? Sure, for Tottenham it is. I don't say it often, but credit to the board on this one (don't get too excited people).

Always impressed was Bruce apparently, when watching Ghaly play. When was this then? When he played so poorly he was incapable of holding onto the ball or passing it to a player in the white shirt of Spurs that he was then subbed having come on as a sub? Or the countless other cameo apperances that involved running around like a headless chicken with a ferret up its arse.

Shirtless Ghaly celebrates his move with an apple

Technically gifted? For sure, in the art of pulling his shirt off and throwing it away.

Ghaly can also 'stand up to the physical side' of the game too. Not sure making two-footed reckless challenges counts.

And as for giving Birmingham an 'edge' - truefax. If you want an over-rated, hot-headed talentless ego running around flattering to deceive.

Mido. Next. Please.

Monday, 30 July 2007

FAO Edward

The following article is currently sitting somewhere within the endless linkage of NewsNow.

I Have An Irrational Disgust For Tottenham
Posted on Monday, July 30th, 2007

Edward supports Everton. Edward does not support Arsenal. Edward doesn’t even support West Ham. Yet Edward doesn’t like Tottenham.

I have an irrational disgust for Tottenham Hotspur, bolstered by the fact that everyone from Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho to my obese cousin are tipping them to “break into” the Top 4. Nick Hornby describes them as having a “smug air of ersatz sophistication” and this sums up my feelings on the matter perfectly. The funny thing is, I am an Evertonian. My opprobrium towards these masters of style over substance is purely because of a cold calculating hatred, not due to bitter Arsenal or West Ham football rivalries. Going to “The Lane” is probably similar to becoming a scientologist. Tom Cruise and John Travolta would be the perfect Spurs fans, and Glenn Hoddle isnt too dissimilar to L. Ron Hubbard.

Scientologists believe that 75 million years ago an evil galactic ruler, named Xenu, solved overpopulation by bringing trillions of people to Earth in DC-8 space planes, stacking them around volcanoes and nuking them. Then the souls of these dead space aliens were captured and boxed up and taken to cinemas where they were shown films of what life should be like, false ideas containing God, the devil and Christ.

If all this sounds like nonsense, try talking to Spurs fans, they believe their own footballing version of this: that they should be the rightful leaders of the premiership. Transmitting their superior style of play to the infidels, and restoring their “glory Years”. Spurs are perfect for the new generation of hyped-up, over marketed , sky tv football-watching, habitual masturbating football fans; it is a perfect marriage. Whilst most of us grumble about the state of modern football, for fake plastic Spurs fans, this is their utopia.

One Spurs fan I know told me at the beginning of last season that Spurs were “going to do an Everton” (qualify for the champs league on a shoestring budget) — In fact they did nearly the opposite — they nearly qualified on a budget that would sustain Everton for about a century.

Spurs are the doilies of football, or more precisely a pink and green polka dotted 1970’s bungalow strewn with a cornucopia of doilies; in crochet, beaded and lace. They are needless and grotesque to all but a deluded few.

Hmmm. Ok. Lets break this mother down.

Edward supports Everton.

Really? I doubt it. If he really supported Everton he'd spend most of his time slagging Liverpool off. Fraud alarm already going off on this one.

I have an irrational disgust for Tottenham Hotspur, bolstered by the fact that everyone from Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho to my obese cousin are tipping them to “break into” the Top 4. Nick Hornby describes them as having a “smug air of ersatz sophistication” and this sums up my feelings on the matter perfectly. The funny thing is, I am an Evertonian. My opprobrium towards these masters of style over substance is purely because of a cold calculating hatred, not due to bitter Arsenal or West Ham football rivalries. Going to “The Lane” is probably similar to becoming a scientologist. Tom Cruise and John Travolta would be the perfect Spurs fans, and Glenn Hoddle isnt too dissimilar to L. Ron Hubbard.

I'm lost. You cant be this bitter for being dicked out of 5th spot by us?

Its all media bravado anyway. Jose knows Spurs cant break into the Top 4 yet (most Spurs fans know this too looking at the current state of our unbalanced midfield). But out of the rest of the pack, we are the only club someone like Jose could pick out to pin the 'beware of the pretenders' tag on.

"smug air of ersatz sophistication” - Nice. Quote a gooner because that's really going to help you with your argument using the biased views of the Enemy. Spurs, under Jol, are at least attempting to fanthom some kind of playing style that most can appreciate as entertaining and productive, unlike Evertons uber-bland black and white tv bore tactics that postively make neutrals bleed blood and piss from their eyes as AJ falls over (again) to claim a wonderous penalty.

Jealous perhaps?

Scientologists believe that 75 million years ago an evil galactic ruler, named Xenu, solved overpopulation by bringing trillions of people to Earth in DC-8 space planes, stacking them around volcanoes and nuking them. Then the souls of these dead space aliens were captured and boxed up and taken to cinemas where they were shown films of what life should be like, false ideas containing God, the devil and Christ.

If all this sounds like nonsense, try talking to Spurs fans, they believe their own footballing version of this: that they should be the rightful leaders of the premiership. Transmitting their superior style of play to the infidels, and restoring their “glory Years”. Spurs are perfect for the new generation of hyped-up, over marketed , sky tv football-watching, habitual masturbating football fans; it is a perfect marriage. Whilst most of us grumble about the state of modern football, for fake plastic Spurs fans, this is their utopia.

I quite like the Scientology angle on this. Quite funny, but poorly executed. See, it was 74 million years ago Spurs won the Double, not 75. Check your history books idiot.

Rightful leaders? You've lost me on this. In 30 years time, you'll look back to the 80's (remember that patch when Liverpool failed to win a couple of titles?) and see that as your Glory Days and long for it to be repeated.

Of course our fans are going to look back at the 60's and 70's and 80's and a single season in the 90's and say 'Thats what we want!'. What else is on offer? Gross? Francis? Graham?

Maybe I need to dust off my collection of pre-historic VHS tapes. Spurs have always sought to play a certain way with a certain swagger (damn it, I'm being superior, aint I?). Tottenham are a footballing side, historically. Much like West Ham United are. Manchester United too. Nothing wrong with attempting to continue tradition. Its an identity, right?

And bully for you if Spurs fans expect more from their team that has practically prick-teased us for 40 odd years.

As for your 'Spurs are perfect for the new generation of hyped-up' comment, stop embarrasing yourself. Fake and plastic? Tune into Sky Sports yourself, where you will find much masturbating in the direction of Manchester United, Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool. Honestly chief, you don't have a fucking clue, do you?

'Whilst most of us grumble about the state of modern football' - You sound like a miserable twat to be quite honest, Eddie. I bet when you sit yourself down in your bedroom to watch some 1970's porn (those were the true Glory Days) you find yourself staring at the hairy chest of John Holmes rather than the female he is groin-dancing all over, wondering how he manages to trim his chest hair.

You are easily and unnecessarily distracted.

Everybody grumbles about the state of modern day football. We can't smoke, we can't swear, we can't stand. Maybe you should try going to some games outside of Stanley Park.

One Spurs fan I know told me at the beginning of last season that Spurs were “going to do an Everton” (qualify for the champs league on a shoestring budget) — In fact they did nearly the opposite — they nearly qualified on a budget that would sustain Everton for about a century.

Hold up. One Spurs fan? Fuck me, really? You mean a single individuals stated opinion proved ill-judged and thus ended with egg on his face, deeming it a sufficient enough example for you to wrap it round your cock and wave it about for everyone to see?

The Spurs fan in question probably meant that Spurs would claim CL in the same way Everton did so - i.e. 'surprising everyone'. And not in the context of 'Spurs will do what Everton did right down to the smallest detail'.

Maybe I should quote from the various e-mails and text messages I got a few seasons back, gloating about how Everton would do well in the Group stages. See, things don't always turn out the way you think, even if you spent time and effort shouting from the rooftops prior to it. But shouting from the rooftops is what we (football fans) are meant to do. Otherwise, what's the point. West Ham fans sing about being shit. They take anything, any inkling, any crumb of success (be it surviving relegation) and celebrate it like they've won the World Cup (something they did back in 1966). Are they too deluded for loving their club and showing unashamed passion? Of course they are. Football fans, melodramatic, what is the world coming too.

Spurs are the doilies of football, or more precisely a pink and green polka dotted 1970’s bungalow strewn with a cornucopia of doilies; in crochet, beaded and lace. They are needless and grotesque to all but a deluded few.

You play the Z Cars theme music over the tannoy for your players, when they run on the pitch, so stick that up your c*nt.

Spurs needless? I'll tell you what's needless and grotesque, David Moyes screaming from the touchline.

Friday, 27 July 2007

If we sign Dyer

...I'll unleash hell on Daniel Levy. I don't have anything else to say on the matter.

Thursday, 26 July 2007

Petrov signs for City

Some Spurs fans are concluding that Spurs were never in for him. They cant believe for a second he would choose them over us, considering his mate Berbatov plays in Lilywhite and considering we have UEFA Cup football and are generally in a far better state then they are ( City are are rebuilding from scratch).

If we were genuinely not interested then, why? He plays with Berbatov at International level. He has a proven track record. He's a big game player. And he's available.

If we were genuinely interested in him and he rejected us, then this simply illustrates that we dither far too long with signing players.

The left-sided 'problem' remains unresolved. I await to say what all the 'In the Know' gollums have to say about this 'nearly' signing.

Wednesday, 25 July 2007

Name and Shame

Apparently, in some bar in Loughton, Mr Lennon (pished) was 'aving it large and telling everyone he doesn’t care what people say (with regards to his drinking) and that he Spurs pushed him out of the club because of his behaviour he would be 'ok' because plenty of clubs would be happy to take him on.

Right, firstly, what a fucking crock of shite. This 'rumour/story/exclusive' is simply a bunch of text posted on an Internet forum. It serves no purpose other than to stir up fan opinion against the young urbanish r'n'b hobbit like winger.

Firstly, people in all walks of life with jobs with responsibility go out and destroy their livers on booze or worse. And I've seen no evidence that Lennon is painting the pavement with carrot coloured flavor. He's a young lad who has been photographed a couple of times out on the town and people who either see or snap a photo of him are quick to add in a quote in order to make it all a bit more interesting.

Its cool to be a footballer

I'll give you an example. I saw Jade Goody at Harlow shopping last week. She was with some random bloke (obviously her designated driver) and Jack (her bloke). She walked past me flicking her hair with a look that read 'Yes, its me'.

That's it. Nothing else happened. Now, if I was inclined to shit-stir I'd go posting on a BB forum that I saw her (the truth) and that she was fighting off abuse from other shoppers who were calling her a daft bint (the lie).

You can call this lie 'The Prestige'. A fabrication that gives the truth some weight for it to get noticed when it gets posted.

This type of propaganda is very much what The Agents of Levy partake in. It incites negative energy towards a player.

In this case, the aim would be for fans to turn against the talented Lennon so that when Levy sells him to a rival club (for a substantial amount of dosh) we wont be too fussed. We'll all be:

"Yeah, that Lennon is a proper little Greavise off the pitch with the booze....good riddance"

As (currently) the only active member of the League of Lilywhites, I hereby denounce this bullshit story as bullshit.

Avid readers of this blog will point out that I have been a stern disapprover of the Bling Squad that has developed at the Lane and would like to clearly state that I was quick to judge certain players.

Enjoying the odd beverage in-between training should not be an issue of public concern. The Bling Squad should be allowed to party on as long as performances on the pitch are of a high quality.

I'll be keeping an eye out for any developments of this 'story' on Lennon and will critically attack any member of any Spurs forum who attacks Lennon.

The League Of Lilywhites will NAME AND SHAME.

A Public Apology to Birmingham City FC

It would appear that Mido and Ghaly are back with Spurs training and that the proposed £9M transfer is off. Apparently the glitch concerns the players failing to agree personal terms with the Blues. I'm guessing Bruce and Gold rejected Midos request of a win bonus made up of cheesburgers and fries.

Birmingham playing hard-ball with the two players? Christ, I fucking hope so. They have been the only club to show any interest in the pair, so if they have given up we might be stuck with them.

Petrov on his way, Shirely?

He's meeting with his agent and Comolli today. Levy has apparently delayed flying out to South Africa in order to help conclude the deal.

Therefore, if the deal fails I will hold him personally responsible for pro-longing the left-side problem we've had for the best part of forever.

Tuesday, 24 July 2007

Orlando Pirates v Spurs

2-1 win, which included a goal from our pre-season gem, Wayne Routledge, once more showing the kind of eye for goal that results with Martin Jol farming him out to an average Premiership side for a season.

Sublime 50-yard pass from Huddlestone to set up Bent who notched up another pre-season goal.

Again, I'm not going to dissect the team and players performance. Its a friendly. Yes, its partly competitive but its still a friendly.

Though special mention to Cerny in goal who looked very comfortable and saved a spot-kick twice, before the rather daft ref asked for it to be taken a 3rd time (no stopping it). His movement looked perfectly legal to me. Strange decision but inconsequential.


The young lad is still apparently on his way to us. Has the same agent has Lennon and Huddlestone, so should be the new member of the Bling Squad anytime soon.

Oh, and he's a Spurs fan apparently. Hmmm. Much in the same way as Teddy Sheringham supports West Ham.

Liverpool are/were interested, but he's got his heart set on drinking with Aaron and Tommy.

At the age of 17, not too sure how much of a part he will play this coming season. Off the pitch, I'm sure he will look dapper in designer chav gear.

Dire Levy?

Apparently we are interested in Kieron Dyer. That’s the one that doesn't do much for £80k per week, other than shit in the goldfish bowl. Does this rumour consist of any elements of truth juice or is it simply a glass of donkey spunk? And if so, who is holding the glass and would they consider drinking from it to validate the story?

If this transfer was to occur, which would mean that aliens have taken over the brains of the manager, sporting director and chairman at WHL (because surely even they are incapable of agreeing this would be money well spent) then the only resolution would be for me to bring the end of days upon this great civilization we live in.

I’m placing my money on this being nothing more than mis-direction.

Friday, 20 July 2007

£6M 'Dollar' Man

Mido is set for a £6M move to Birmingham, rather than the original one-year loan with an option to buy him out right.

Brummies sign Mido for 6 big ones.
Mido goes for Six Million.
Six Million Mido joins the Blues.
Jol has six million reasons to be happy.
Mido worth £6M in Blues deal.

No matter how I write the news, I still can't quite grasp how we have managed to get so much for someone so bloated. Oh, hold up. Of course. TV money.

Steve Bruce and the Birmingham board

I don't go with the current knee-jerk 'goodbye' reactions of some Spurs fans wishing him luck. He played decent for us 3 or 4 times, doing what any forward player ought to be doing playing for the first team.

So what if he scored a brace on his debut. Fucking 'ell, anyone would think we won silverware that day. He is six million miles away from being a model pro. Good riddance.

Seems that Ghaly will follow Mido to the Blues, for half the amount.

Shame that we wont be spending any of the cash on the 5 or so players we have been linked with recently.

No Boateng or SWP or Petrov (though the former is a done deal according to some 'insiders'. Not heard that one before).

Wednesday, 18 July 2007


It’s all quiet on the Western front at the moment. Haven't had much time to visit the Lodge recently, but intend to do so in the next few days, especially with all the transfer gossip doing the rounds. SWP is apparently due to make an appearance in the next few days. Also, I need to make an appearance myself – without a utility belt and camouflage clothing – to prove that I am not presenting myself with the purpose to incite any legal proceedings.

The League of Lilywhites is a long term project, so will once more update you all with the current membership standings and a preview of the agenda. Also hope to unveil the badge of honour.

The season isn’t too far off now. I suppose the current tranquillity is nothing more than the calm before the storm. There’s no point in shooting my load too soon. Best to wait till after both 'pipes' have been cleaned out and I lean forward for the moneyshot. Levy will get it in the face. If deserved of course. And that’s in a bad way, not a ‘well done, here’s the prize baby’ way. I know that the moneyshot is deemed demeaning in porn, but within the fantasy it’s meant to be what the taker wants from the giver. In this case, the moneyshot is my fury and aiming it a Levy is for the purpose of demonstration and disapproval, something he doesn't want the displeasure of wiping away from his face. If Spurs do badly, then Levy will get it from me. Not an actual moneyshot. I'm talking about a stern letter and possibly graffiti on the West Stand. So in this case my moneyshot is made of A4 paper and paint. Not quite pineapple but the aim is to leave a bitter taste in his mouth.

Look, my point is that Levy should be on guard. Just because it’s a little sleepy at the moment and my visits to his estate are non-existent, it doesn’t mean that I’m not ready to pounce, like a jaguar with a hard-on. By hard-on, I’m talking metaphorically...

Latest Whorage

Kevin Prince Boateng's move has stalled. Apparently we are attempting to stagger payments for the player due to his injury record. Has been spotted in London as recent as yesterday, so should still happen.

SWP. Well, according the Daily Mirror, Kenyon doesn’t want to sell him to us because we might be capable of challenging for the title in a couple of seasons. Doubtful this is true. Chelsea fans are scared of us, but at management level they are way too arrogant to bother with the little teams. Another interesting sidenote is that Kenyon has also apparently commented that if Spurs and another club matched Chelsea’s valuation of the player, Wright-Phillips would choose Spurs. Don’t expect anything to happen on this till the scum return from their US tour.

Danny Rose. Done and dusted.

Petrov. Depends what you believe. Some say this will happen if we don’t sign SWP, even though they play on opposite sides of the wing. Has always been linked to us. Unclear on whether this is just press speculation or mis-direction from the club.

Tuesday, 17 July 2007

Rodrigo Palacio

You might have read something in the press about him. Argentine goal-ace who plays his football for Boco. Arsenal were rumoured to be preparing a £15M bid for him, all according to 'reports from South America'. All the media covered the story of how the player had rejected Barcelona (not wanting to play second-fiddle to Henry) and was now set to join the club from Woolwich.

'Ideal replacement' for Henry. Best striker in Argentina.

Oh hum. Its turned out to be a fake story. Yes, the player is real. His transfer to the Prem isn't.

The 'story' was probably made up on an Internet message board and once more proves what utter mugs the British press are, willing to copy and paste anything to help sell papers for cheap football headline frills and 'I told you so' rights so they can print photos of their previous exclusive article a week later to prove to everyone that they broke the story first.

Pathetic. Its one continuous mugging off session for 'Englands finest' red tops, which will end when the transfer window shuts.

Enjoy it.

A seed was planted and a beautiful Rose grew from it

First Lennon for the right wing. And now Danny Rose for the left wing. We are set to return to Leeds Utd to once more pluck an up and coming young potential star. And this one has a left foot. Though at 17 years of age, I doubt he is the immediate answer to the required midfield balance.

Still, once more (unless I just jinxed it) we buy young and British. And if this kid is as good as they say he is, its another one for the future. Another 'get out of jail' card for Levy who has amounted a great collection of young would-be-star players who he could sell-on for plenty of cash in the future, if our over-spending (and no Champions League) comes back to bite a big far chunk out of our backsides.

The Right side and the Left side

Yes, the source is one of the worst tabloids from your local newsagent, but as far as the SWP story is concerned, its being echoed by 'In the Knows' on several forums. Must be true then.

Source From Mail:

Tottenham are aiming to tie up the £12million signing of Chelsea winger Shaun Wright-Phillips this week.

The north Londoners are in "advanced negotiations" with the deposed champions to snap up the England star and take their summer spending to nearly £50m.

Reports in the Daily Mirror suggest Tottenham have refused to comment on the state of talks between the clubs but boss Martin Jol is a huge admirer of Wright-Phillips, whose acquisition would give a massive boost to the club's chances of breaking into the top four.

Jol has snapped up Darren Bent, Gareth Bale and Younes Kaboul as part of some impressive transfer dealing to leave Spurs fans dreaming of easing arch-rivals Arsenal out of the Champions League qualifying places.

Now the swoop for Wright-Phillips, 25, is sure to heighten those expectations - especially as the winger is thought to be keen on the proposed move.

He was chased by Tottenham two years ago when he was up for sale at Manchester City but they were blown out of the water by Chelsea who paid £21m for the player.

Aston Villa and City are also interested.

Tottenham are also on the brink of signing Bulgarian left-sided midfielder Martin Petrov from Atletico Madrid in an £8m deal.

Wright-Phillips to Spurs? Maybe the kid is hard of hearing, considering the abuse he gets when he visits the Lane every season. Though, out of him and Robben (both admired by Jol) I'd take SWP. Robben is class with the disadvantage of being made out of glass. SWP, along with Lennon (though both naturally right-sided) could both fit in on the left too (taking turns) - though adding Petrov would give us an immense midfield, which we could arguably call 'balanced'. Even though Petrov (and his injuries) worry me a little.

The £50M spent this summer simply means Levy cannot afford to fail.

As for the current debate.....do we need a central midfielder of the Roy Keane type? Or a Carrick styled player. Well, that's still open to debate. We still conceded a ton of goals, even with Carrick. The defence cant be expected to cope if we always get over-run in the centre.

Maybe Zokora will do the business this season.


Anyway, one thing is for certain. If the club are in for these players and they do achieve the impossible and sign them, then depth wise, Spurs will be very strong.

On the other hand, Ian Wright at the Lane celebrating a SWP Tottenham goal?

The world has gone to hell.

Goodbye Mido

From an Egyptian website:

Egyptian star striker Ahmed Hossam "Mido" is set to join Birmingham city on loan starting from next season, according to the player himself.

"Both sides have agreed terms. I will move on a one-year-loan deal to Birmingham worth 1 million and at the end they could by my contract for 5 million if the club survives in the Premier League," said Mido to FilGoal.com.

"Birmingham's offer is the best I had received especially that I chose to stay in England," added Mido.

The 24-year-old striker also confirmed Birmingham's interest in his fellow teammate Hossam Ghaly but said his case is different as he will move on a permanent base.

"I would love to have him (Ghaly) with me in the same team."

Mido confirmed that the contracts should be signed on Monday night or maximum Tuesday morning.

Thank God for Steve Bruce. Not much more to say than that.

Monday, 16 July 2007

A message from Tottenham Hotspur

It's that time of the year again folks. Tottenham Hotspur Football Club are proud to announce their annual summer sale. So roll up, roll up money grabbing football agents and steal yourself a nice little bargain!

All proceeds go to a very worthy charity - The Daniel Levy Beluga & Perrier Jouet Belle Epoque Foundation™. So please give generously.

Some of this years highlights:

Ahmed Mido - £4m - Thoroughbred fed on a diet of cigars and cheeseburgers. The 'Immovable Object' will cause maximum carnage in the oppositions box. By box, we mean canteen.

Hossom Ghaly - £4m (will accept bid between £2M and £3.5M) - Has a defect that results with stripping of clothes. **Star Buy!!** Can be loaned out for Hen Parties, gay stag-do's and anti-fur demonstrations.

** Special offer: Buy both Egyptians for a special £6M (Redknapp Voucher accepted). **

Tony Gardner - £4m - Only joking. £1.5m. Ok, ok. £450,000.

Danny Murphy - £1m - Comes with added 'Movie Premiers' extra. But nothing else.

Wayne Routledge - £2.5m to £3m - Never been used!!

Paul Stalteri - £2m - Legacy issues relating to losing the ball in the last moments of the game resulting in conceding a Champions League placing point (on three or so occassions) has now been resolved and replaced with a 'dicking of small club in the last second' added value ability as seen at Upton Park last season.


We are also pleased to announce that the following lots have been made available by Tottenham Hotspur Football Club, but only under exceptional auction conditions. Again, all proceeds go to The Daniel Levy Beluga & Perrier Jouet Belle Epoque Foundation™.

Lot 1: Jermain Defoe (Reserve: £9m)

Lot 2: Jermaine Jenas (Reserve: £8m)

Lot 3: Pascal Chimbonda (Reserve: £10m)

* If reserves are not met, these lots shall remain the property of Tottenham Hotspur Football Club.

** Please multiply the above reserve estimates by 25% if you are a representative of West Ham United.

*** Please multiply by 45% if you are a representative of Chelsea FC.

The club would like to thank agents in advance of their continued support for this worthwhile cause. We are advising everyone to bid generously, confident in the fact you will not be disappointed with these quite superb value for money buys.

The trust expect to recoup a figure between £16m-£18m from this year's donations. That's some serious amount of Caviar and bubbly.

Final details willl be released on 1st September 2007.

Yours truthfully,

Daniel Levy Independent Traders plc (D.L.I.T.)
Event Organiser of The Daniel Levy Beluga & Perrier Jouet Belle Epoque Foundation™

With thanks and credit to Sheikh_Ma_Nuggets.

General Round-Up


Remains a class act. Some quotes from a recent interview:

“Look, last summer when Spurs told me they were willing to pay £11m for me, I asked them if they were off their heads. Now the word seems to be that my value is £40m and that’s simply an abnormal sum of money.”

“With regards to the whole Manchester United business, I just have to say that I’m very happy at Spurs. Even more importantly, I recognise that Tottenham has given me everything in order to make my time in the Premier League a success and I feel stupendously grateful to them. So I’m happy where I am.”

“The atmosphere at Tottenham right now is absolutely unbeatable.”

“The fact I feel adored by the fans and I’m feted by the media hasn’t changed me and it will not do so. I’m the same guy. I rest and lead a simple life off the pitch"

How wonderfully beautiful it is to see a player with such modesty and eloquent class. And a player who appears set to remain at Spurs, rather than take the easy route out to a 'Top 4' club. The rest of the players have to focus the same way he does with each game and challenge. Anything less is an insult IMO.

Spurs beat St.Pats 1-0

Kaboul looked good. Bale didnt. Bent scored. Taarbat looking lively again. Thats it. I can't be arsed with friendly games. Get the players fit, get the new players to fit into the system. And thats it.

Transfer Rumours

No word on Boateng. Though historically, Spurs take 120% longer than any other club to sign a player.

I've noticed we have been linked to Freddy Adu, who was previously linked with Wigan. Not sure about signing this 36 year old MLS reject. Yes, he has wonderful wonderful stats in FM2007, but the reality is far less exciting. He's American.

League of Lilywhites - The Splinter Group

Seems that the word has spread about the League of Lilywhites, and we have been blessed with a celebrity member. The above pic was sent in from an avid reader of this blog.

Not sure where it was snapped (I'm guessing in North London somewhere, otherwise, possibly Hollywood). I'll ignore the fact that Mark Wahlberg (of 'The Departed' fame) has chosen the colour orange, considering it’s not one associated with the club. But he’s American, so all is forgiven. I don’t recognise the people he is with. I’m guessing they are Paxtonites?

Not received any official word from anyone in the pic. Seems that the League of Lilywhites is spreading in the style of ‘Fight Club’ with word of mouth creating our first ‘splinter group’.

Mark – if you are reading this, please mail me. Good improvisation with the get-up you’re wearing (lets talk colours mate, should be white and blue). And I particularly like the 633 reference, a nod towards communications UDP port 633. Smart reference towards the fact we are an online firm. Clever. Mark and the The 633's could potentially be our publicity division of the firm?

Will audit later this week on the amount of members we have and also update on the firms badge of honour.

EDIT: It would appear that 'blogger' has removed the photo of Mark Wahlberg wearing the LOL symbol. Would seem that Levy's far reaching hand has struck me down again.

Out the Tout

The club would like eager-eyed fans to forward any "agency" or "hospitality company" advertising tickets for our home games to the following email address:


All the club can do is sell tickets, what happens to them once they're in the hands of the buyer is another thing altogether. Maybe, to help 'outthetout', the police could stand outside Seven Sisters station on matchdays (in undercover gear of course) and arrest about 20 in one afternoon. In fact, forget about the 'online' hospitality and agency touts for the moment. After they sort out the tube stations they can look at the huddles of touts standing outside the Spurs shop looking to buy and sell match day tickets.

Can’t be that fucking hard to wipe these leeches out of existence?

Thursday, 12 July 2007

We are being watched

If I'm standing in a pub making some pretty harsh statements about the club I support, and someone representing the club happens to overhear what I say, can the club then purse legal action against me? I would think not. Sharing an opinion with friends or whoever is just that. An opinion. The club - and no one - can stop our freewill to say what we want to say. Freedom of speech has to count for something.

Thus far, I've not had anything (other than the retraining orders and electronic tags....and the community service) done to me. Though I've opted for a more 'open' approach to not judge until judgement calls for it.

And why should the club even consider taking action against me? In some ways, a football terrace/stand is also a forum, just without the lag time and stupid avatars. I'm only blogging my opinions in a constructive and unbiased manner. Whether its online or at the bus stop. But then again, maybe a case is being built to swipe down at me and wipe me out once and for all.

Let them try.

Though I would be curious to know what exactly this particular supporter (of Sheff Wed) posted on a forum that made the club (whom he also worked for) purse him legally. I'm guessing he mugged himself off in some way by making threatening comments or calling someone a cunt. Or maybe he revealed information that was private to Sheffield Wednesday that he found out by being on the premises. I don't know. He fails to mention it in the below statement he posted in the forum in question explaining why he was offline for so long. All his posts were deleted on his request.

His message is simply a 'be careful what you say' warning because someone maybe watching.

Here it is:

Statement from Sheffield Wednesday fan -

"I have been a Wednesday supporter for pretty much all of my life, and until last season had missed less than 5 home games since 1981. My family are all Sheffield Wednesday supporters, and they are similar attendees, we all attend games together, as do my children who both attended games before they could walk. I think you could say my interest in Sheffield Wednesday borders on the obsessional.

I worked at Hillsborough on the Players Entrance from 1981 to 1987. My father worked the Players Entrance from 1967 to 1989, and only stopped then following the Hillsborough Disaster. My Grandfather worked the Players Entrance and Directors Entrance as a Commissionaire from 1949 to his death in 1988. He was working at Hillsborough the day my Grandmother died at home of a heart attack in 1986, and he worked right through to 6 weeks before his death.

I am a shareholder of the club, as were my Father and Grandfather. I was a founder member of the Owlstrust, a supporters association founded some years ago and now named Wednesdayite, who own a 10% share of the club. I was also a founder member of the Sheffield Wednesday Shareholders Association, and worked as Secretary of the Association for 5 years. This led to my being fairly high profile as a supporter/shareholder within the Hillsborough infrastructure.

I was also an active member of the Swallownest Supporters Club, of which my Grandfather was Secretary which raised thousands of pound for the club.

I have also engaged in significant fundraising over the years, from developing the giant flag which supporters took to Wembley in 1993 (raising οΎ£1500 for Sheffield Children’s Hospital along the way), and raising several thousands of pounds more over the years to pay for blue and white balloons, flags and other initiatives designed to improve the atmosphere at Hillsborough for big games. I have also (with the clubs permission) arranged for leaflet drops at turnstiles and outside the ground aimed at encouraging supporters to back the team and not boo players over the years."

The bones of the story -


Its been a long time since I posted here on Owlstalk - although I understand quite a few people have asked about me - which is nice, thanks.

My last post on Owlstalk was back in February 2006 - when many of you will remember was shortly after I had been asked to leave the clubs executive area when I was dining with a friend of mine who owned an executive box. I say 'owned' rather than 'owns' because as a result of that day he hasn't renewed his box, and actually hasn't returned to Hillsborough either since then.

Later that day I was contacted by the Admin of Owlstalk and advised that the club were looking to pursue legal action against me for alleged defamation. This was the first time I had been aware of any offence being taken as a result of my postings on this message board - and although this news was broken to me indirectly - I asked Admin to delete my account and all of my postings. This was the easiest way of ensuring that any offensive posts disappeared for good.

Some weeks later I was written to by Irwin Mitchell Solicitors - who advised me that the club were looking to pursue legal action against me for defamation, however this could be avoided if I paid the clubs legal bill and apologised. I chose not to take advice from a solicitor at that stage - and offered to meet their demands. I had no wish to enter into a lengthy, and above all, costly legal battle. If I'm honest - neither did I want to see my football club enter into a legal battle either that would not only prove costly, but in my opinion potentially divisive too. At the time Irwin Mitchell claimed that their legal bill was £2500 - and I offered to pay it on receipt of a summary of costs, as I felt that was extremely expensive for sending me a letter - obviously they had to account for consultation with their client too - but I still felt within my rights to request this. I was written to again by Irwin Mitchell who told me I should expect to be paying damages as well as costs of around £40,000.00.

Some weeks passed - and shortly after I was called to a meeting with my employer. Irwin Mitchell had written to them on behalf of the club reserving the right to impound my work laptop, and copying my employer in on all of the allegations they were making about me. Obviously this was embarrassing, especially as at that time some of the quotes attributed to me were not actually made by me. Additionally the letter from Irwin Mitchell had asked if my employer found it appropriate that I was making posts to Owlstalk in working hours - although my time was, and is, always flexible and to be fair - Irwin Mitchells would not have known that.

I discussed the issue with several close (wednesdayite) friends, and I was advised by Daryl Keys of Wednesdayite that I should speak to another Wednesdayite who had heard of the problems I was experiencing and had offered to support me with the use of his solicitor. This proved to be a tremendous help. The solicitor advised me throughout - and removed much of the worry. We were contacted a number of times requesting costs be paid (these had escalated enormously) and for the apology to be made - and as a result of the escalation in costs we always maintained that we had offered to pay the costs when they were £2500 and apologise - and that this offer stood.

After 14th February 2007 - I was advised by my solicitor that the deadline of 12 months for issuing proceedings to me had passed without incident and that the problem was no longer. The solicitor was paid by my Wednesdayite benefactor and I began to get on with life. Anyone who has been through what I have will know how painful and worrying a process it is - it made my divorce seem like a birthday party.

Around 2 weeks ago I was contacted again by my solicitor who advised me that the club had issued proceedings against me on 13th February (on the last possible day they could). They had also waited the maximum possible time (4 months) to serve those proceedings. Their reason for doing this is known only to them.

Having met with my solicitor and considered their Particulars of Claim - my solicitor has concluded that the claim is so unlikely to succeed that they have offered to represent me on a CFA basis (no win-no fee).

And that is the current state of play. Right now the solicitors are at the sending letters to each other to clarify points stage - but there is a very real possibility that this case could well end up in court now - and that’s what I wanted to avoid at the outset. Regardless of the fact that my benefactor is covering all of the legal costs - it is still a very worrying time - and my advice to anyone on this site or others - is watch your words - they are being scrutinised and I would hate for anyone to have the 16 months I've just experienced.

If the re-development of White Hart Lane or a move to a new location sets Levy and the club back several hundred million, he might go after every single one of us, for every single little comment made in anger or jest, posted in a forum or a newsgroup. If he sued each person who slated him or the club for £40,000 he could make a tidy £20,000,000,000. Not a bad little revenue maker that.

If you are suddenly worried about what you post on forums and the like, then be ashamed. Never hold back. Always speak your mind. The simple fact is that in essence I(you) am(are) the club. Like every other fan. Without us, the club would not exist. Levy bringing these type of charges against me would be akin to him trying to piss out of a passenger window whilst driving down the motorway.

My warning is.....do not cut off your nose to spite your face. Unless you have a seriously ugly nose. Which Levy doesn't have. For the record. In case anyone is reading this.

League of Lilywhites - UPDATE

I have been inundated with membership requests for the League of Lilywhites. That’s something I would wish to state, but at this current moment in time, the truth is I’ve had just a pathetic 9 emails. One of which was from a farmer declaring his love for donkey sex and another from my bank requesting I hand over my credit card details for security purposes.

I will continue to perceiver and will update you all next week.

Membership requests to: spooky @ conspiracyjunkie dot com

Wednesday, 11 July 2007

The next 'nearly signing'

Never seen him play, but must be good cause he's got tattoos

Martin Jol is ready to add to his summer spending after bidding around £5million for controversial Hertha Berlin midfielder Kevin-Prince Boateng.

The 20-year-old's attacking qualities have made him one of the Bundesliga's most talked about newcomers and he has attracted an offer from Sevilla as well as Tottenham.

But the Germany Under 21 star is renowned just as much for his outspoken approach off the pitch after calling himself the Ghetto Kid, in a reference to his upbringing in a poverty-stricken district of Berlin, and covering his arms in tattoos.

Hertha boss Dieter Hoeness responded to Sevilla's £2m offer for Boateng by revealing the club had received a £5m bid from another club, believed to be Spurs.

Boateng, who has a Ghanaian father and German mother, has enjoyed a rapid rise to prominence during a run of 43 Bundesliga appearances and is rated one of the German league's most creative talents.

This would be a quinessential Levy signing. Young, athletic and with a potentially decent re-sale value. By all accounts Boateng is a fiery lad with a massive ego (think Gahly with actual ability....though that's still not saying much).

A quick search of transfer rumour sites will list various links to the player dating back to the 9th May. So, someone is obviously dithering. I'd rather he signed for Sevilla (who have had a £2M bid rejected because we have apparently offered £5M) than have to put up with another Diego Ribas da Cunha'esque transfer rollercoaster.

Much needed metal for central midfield position. Though not quite the leader/defensive midfielder we need.

I'll consider this signing a sexy risk. The sexisk Boateng could bring to us that Gascoigne element that we have lacked for so long.

However, Sevilla (and Champions League Football) would suggest that Levy may fail on this particular transfer. But then, its also dependent on whether the La Liga side wish to up their bid by a further £3M or so.

Still no sign of a left-winger. Unless you believe the Petrov stories doing the rounds. Which I dont.

Sunday, 8 July 2007

ENIC bid for 100%

If you've taken a close look at the Spurs site and the financial press you would have noticed that ENIC are looking to acquire 100% of the club shares, thus destroying any chance of a hostile take-over from some off-shore billionaire or to help give the club the required swagger and big balls to possibly help with future financing and the potential of ground expansion (by selling 49% after getting their hands on the lot).

Thread of interest here:


I'm going to be subjective with this and not jump down the throat of Levy and ENIC simply because of their shabby handling of fans in other matters (will get to this in a moment).

So, for the time being, I will say that in some ways this new tactic by the club is a good thing, which would mean I would be concluding (by proxy) that Levy is doing a 'good thing' for Spurs, and thus for me.

So its a good thing in principle.

Its difficult to be sure at this point what their goal is, so along with my subjectiveness, I will also remain patient and wait to see what their end game is rather than speculate like some coked-up Daily Mirror reporter copy and pasting a 16 year olds opinion from a forum.

As for the shabby handling, I am of course referring to the booking of tickets online whereby we are no longer able to select our seats using Seatbooker. You can now only select the block - and seats are then allocated by the club.

I refuse to accept this is hard evidence that we are moving to Wembley and that Seatbooker have removed the option for the present in preparation for the future (where selecting/booking a specific seat at Wembley isn't a realistic option for the club to be able to allocate fairly).

I personally think that the true reason is to defuse the potential upsurge of 'fan movement' behaviour of having 'groups' of like-minded Spurs fans together, controlling the vocal territory of a certain block. Not giving them the option to huddle together results in disbursement of said groups and breaks up the atmosphere making it difficult to potentially demonstrate, within the stands, in disgust of the teams abject performance(s).

Its these little things which get engulfed by the much larger things which is the crux of the battle ahead. Look between the lines at all times.

Bent scores on debut

A 3-1 away win at the mighty Stevenage, included a Darren Bent goal. No content for this blog other than the below picture (taken from Tottenhamhotspur.com) that includes a rather dapper looking Sopranoesque Martin Jol. I don't take note of friendlies, unless a player gets injured, which usually results in a shit-in-the-box being sent to the club on account of risking big players in small games. Apparently its 'illegal' and 'disturbing' to have such packages delivered to the training ground or the manager or chairman's home. Its 1984 all over, just without the UEFA Cup

Dapper Jol and some randoms

Saturday, 7 July 2007

League of Lilywhites est. 2007

It’s time for a new world order. It’s time to re-define what it is to be a football fan. It’s time to put together a firm.

Now Danny Dyer maybe a part-time mockney West Ham fan, but respect to Britain’s finest method actor for having the balls to walk into the territories of the worlds hardest and largest firms. From the political former war ridden lands of Croatia and Serbia to the fanatical association clubs in Argentina. Whether it’s the neo-nazis of Italy or the gun-holders of Brazil, he’s been in the mix of all the naughty action from all four corners, making his original pilgrimage across England and Scotland appear bland in comparison.

Culturally, we simply don’t mass-produce the type of hatred and match day fanaticism that the South Americans or even the Polish are capable of. And excluding Celtic and Rangers and in some ways Utd and Liverpool (docks and unemployment) we also don’t come close to the hatred, for example, the Croatian and Serbian fans share.

Arguably, most of the time, the heydays of the 1980's were simply down to football, pure and simple. Spurs and Arsenal hate each other because of long forgotten arguments over a caravan being parked in our street. It’s not exactly biblical. Its a 'I hate you because thats what I'm meant to do' type of set-up.

So over here in England, it seems no excuse is needed other than ‘you support them lot’ to start a fight. Hooligans fight other hooligans because both sets wear opposing colours. Very little in the way of politics or religion or differences in social class. And firms are powerless in orchestrating any influence over the clubs they represent. You won’t find Spooky taking Danny Dyer on a tour of White Hart Lane and it’s trophy room anytime soon. Though it would be pretty pointless other than to show him the collection of spider-webs, including the ones that dates back to the sixties.

CCTV and over-the-top policing means that any fighting is pre-arranged, making the mobile phone the most potent accessory for a modern day English thug. England is Fight Club with beer guts and questionable fashion choices.

The anti-George Graham Protest of 1998 when the burning of a season ticket got out of hand

Yes, it still kicks off, but this isn’t the 1970’s and 80’s. The modern fan sometimes prefers to take his bird to the game and enjoys the odd pill or line of coke now and again rather than constantly drowning in warm lager. The modern fan likes to do all the gesturing and shouting of abuse and ‘giving it some’ without the actual physical contact of punches, kicks and Stanley knives...then rushes home to knock-one out over the Football Factory or The Firm (not the one with Tom Cruise, or maybe depending on which way you are inclined).

It’s all rather embarrassing. And while some firms take pride in being hooligans for life, it doesn’t serve an actual purpose other than the adrenaline rush that comes with fighting. Which, granted, is more than half of what it's all about. But it doesn’t result with us getting our own supporters clubs like in Holland. And it doesn’t empower us in any way. And if you’re caught fighting, you’re banned from your home ground and its practically game over. It's zero tolerance resulting in an underground culture.

Spooky, during the 'Hoddle' Riots of 2003

Its time to re-define things. Step aside Spurs Yoof and Trevor Tanner.

Modern day English hooliganism is dead. Its now time for a new era. Let's take the swaggering off the suburban streets and alley ways and onto the information superhighway.

I am proud to officially announce that memberships to a new modern-day football firm are now open to all fanatical fans of Tottenham Hotspur. The unveiling of our badge of honour and the avatar that each member will possess will be presented in the near future on this blog. And the name of this firm?

'League of Lilywhites'

This is unlike any other firm on the planet. This firm cannot be seen by CCTV or chased by police dogs. This firm cannot bleed or be ambushed. This firm laughs in the face of tear gas. This firm sits behind a firewall of passion. This firm looks over the domains of football forums and instead of broken bottles and led pipes, we use a biting emoticon and the reply button.

This firm is online and connected.

The League of Lilywhites are the new generation. A cyber Yid army of relentless browsing and posting. And no DOS attack, IP Ban or DNS look-up can intimidate us.

Our ethos:

  • To remain unequivocally committed to the club and its history, placing its importance above chairman, manager and players
  • To keep an eye on Daniel Levy, purely through Internet connectivity, where restraining orders and electronic tags do not exist
  • To continue to address the chairman via stern and insightful emails/letters retaining balanced and constructive opinions and viewpoints at all times without ever being offensive
  • To stand our ground with club and opposing fan propaganda with well written blog entries and forum posts, as well as an active 'hit them hard' leaflet campaign and a potential future online fanzine
  • To denounce any 'In the Know' charlatans and give them the humiliation they strongly deserve by using the Art of Flaming as our principle weapon of justice.
  • To campaign against members-only Spurs forums who consider themselves 'elite', targeting their columnists and infiltrating their forums
  • To overcome the growing threat of the Levy financed black-ops propaganda puppet regime - 'The Agents of Levy' (their principle aim is to disrupt the publics perception of the supporters and use dirty trick tactics to undermine fan politics, leaving us to appear fickle, indecisive and contradictory. Thus giving the power back to the board)
  • To help retain a balanced middle ground between delusions of grandeur and knee-jerk depression on various Spurs Internet message boards.
  • To decimate any opposing forum invasions to any online Tottenham stronghold
  • To continue The War Against the Stewards (T.W.A.T.S.) and our fight to remain standing in the Park Lane during games

Our philosophy:

"Football forums are about glory, about posting with style and with a flourish, about going out and flaming the lot, not waiting for them to die of boredom" ~ Spooky, 2007

We post for the honour of the club, in the spirit of Harry Hotspur, with the grace of Danny Blanchflower, the strength of Dave Mackey and mentality of Bill Nicholson.

There we have it. We are both a political and interactive supporters group. We are not available for actual physical fights - though we are happy to have 'meet-ups' with opposing online firms in IRC or a newsgroup .

More information will follow, including the firms avatar...coming soon.

Fans wishing to become members of the League of Lilywhites firm, email me at (to be updated)

Thursday, 5 July 2007

Kaboul Signs

"From day one he said 'I want to play for Spurs' and his personality made a big impression on Martin and myself. He has been a regular in the Auxerre first team for the past two seasons and is an excellent signing."

Manager Martin Jol added: "If you ask people in France who is seen as the hottest prospect in defence they will say Younes Kaboul. We are very happy to have him on board. It's important to have quality players in defence and with Younes, we have that."


Hottest French prospect in defence apparently. Adding to the fact that we also signed Adel Taarabt early this summer on a full contract (after his loan period ended) we appear to be continuing with our collection of young 'potentials'.

Kaboul is the new Gallas. Taarabt is the new Zidane. And I'm Lord Lucan.

Will Spurs finally sign a left-winger? Will I write a love-letter proclaiming my love for Levy? Stay tuned for more.

Now now, Spooky. I did say I would be positive. So, here goes.

We've signed two defenders (one of which can play in midfield). We've also signed a midfielder and a forward. Squad depth has got stronger. Two of the signings are highly rated British players and the other two highly rated French players.

Yes, we've over-spent on one of them, but then over-spending will be the norm this summer due to the wonderful hordes of TV money available to one and all.

Let's hope that Kaboul doesn't follow the paths of the previous two highly-rated Auxerre defenders, Boumsong and Mexes.

So far, effigy burning avoided.

Wednesday, 4 July 2007


Received an email from the club this morning, entitled: 'One Hotspur Rewards - Let's get started!'. Except its impossible to see the content, apparently due to my browser not supporting HTML - which, is a crock of shit, because it does. The email doesn't work in either Firefox or IE. Selecting source reveals a link that suggests I use if I cant read the email.

Shock horror. The link doesn't work, displaying nothing more than a blank page.

Wonderful stuff. I'm guessing we can afford to splash out on £16M players on account of Levy cutting costs in the clubs IT department.

Whatever this email is, its probably not even worth the hassle. Probably nothing more than a message begging for us to spend our hard-earned cash in the Spurs shop.