Saturday, 30 June 2007

Kit Launch Review

Friday evening (going past midnight) into Saturday was the launch of the new kit at the Spurs shop. Now, you would think this was a grade-A opportunity for me to demonstrate a boycott or perhaps chain myself to an immovable object in one of the corridors within the Walk of Fame. Sadly, having been given clearance to attend this I was held back into the shadows of the ordinary fans due to the electronic tag on my ankle.

So, I’m afraid I don’t have much in the way of excitement to report. I queued up for several hours but then rejected entering the Spurs shop on principle stating that I would not pay extortionate prices for the shirts or any other merchandise in the shop. A peaceful and articulate statement was made. No scuffles or handcuffs on this occasion.

This meant entry into the club was not permitted because I had no ticket (which gets issued with a purchase of the new home shirt). Commercial fascism at its very worst. I told the club representative that I preferred to spend my time looking for a cab on Tottenham High Road wearing a t-shirt that stated ‘WHITE POWER’ rather than endure the Walk of Shame.

Also, I’d like to go on record to say that Billy Wingrove is over-rated. The bloke is nothing but a one-trick pony and has no sense of humour. If he had any skill, he’d be able to avoid my two-footed sliding tackle and not cry about it after. Fucking lightweight.

The only thing of note was that I momentarily spoke to Martin Jol. The big man was there to kick-start proceedings, shaking the hands of the waiting fans and smiling for photos.

I asked him what he thought the future held for him. Resignation or the sack? He said something in Dutch. Not sure what, but sounded similar to what Edgar Davids once said to me when I tried to kiss him on the cheek.

Wasted night, should have spent it watching the live coverage of the Big Brother housemates sleeping on E4.

An Important Announcement

My community service has ended. But I am far from being free. It seems as part of my probation I cannot be the instigator of demonstrations against the club or chairman unless they are official and have been agreed by the police. I am still banned from the vicinity of Daniel Levy’s estate and the West Stand at WHL. I have been advised that in order to prove that I am not a menace I have to display patience and respect. My season ticket has not been revoked, but the club will be keeping an eye on me.

This obviously means the indefinite postponement of the 4th Annual Anti-Levy March. It also means that I am now limited to White Hart Lane and the Lodge (where anyone can turn up if they so wish).

Also as part of my probation I have to attend anger-management sessions once per month. And that part of my assessment will be the monitoring of this blog. It would appear I have a negative personality and that I attack for the sake of attacking and that I should aim to have a non-aggressive re-active personality.

Now before you all think I’ve been brainwashed or blackmailed (with the threat of further legal actions), do not fret. I wont be silenced. Freedom of speech etc. I have to show restraint when it comes to taking things one step further than I should. It’s also been suggested that I need to socialise more with other fans. Other fans who respect and admire the work of Levy. I’m out of touch with the majority apparently. Can’t you believe that?

I now know how Jesus Christ felt. Jesus and I are quite similar. We are both outspoken and completely committed to our beliefs and preachings. Jesus used the huddle to get his message across. I use e-mail and letters and this blog. But people doubted him, the same way they doubt me and Jesus was crucified having been betrayed by Judas. Now, although Sol Campbell didn’t press charges when I organised the surviving members of the Village People to turn up outside his home and sing, he did make a statement which was used against me at the start of all these proceedings. Christ was crucified. And in some ways, so have I. But even though he came back from the dead, he decided to move on. I however will not opt for the Biblical comparison here, preferring the Da Vinci version. Just without the prostitute and living in France.

Anyways, like I said, don’t fret. The revolution will never die. I now have to prove the pen is mightier than the sword.

Thursday, 28 June 2007

Levy gets Bent

Announced to the stock exchange. We have spunked £16.5M on Darren Bent. I'm sure that Spurs will now look to sell both Mido and Defoe, and claim some of it back (from Defoe's transfer, not Mido's who we need to pay for someone to take him off us).

Is Darren Bent worth 16 million quid? Of course not. Much like Torres isn't worth £20M. Or Carrick £18M. But that's football. Overspending and overrating. Charlton have come out of this smiling. I'm still trying to tell myself that this is in no way a step towards Spurs protecting themselves over the possibility that Berbatov will leave the club next summer.

However, I will go away and think about this one. It's been suggested that I am being negative with this transfer due to my hatred of Daniel Levy.

So. I will come back to this with a clear mind and decide whether I approve.

Sunday, 24 June 2007

No more va-va-voom

So a year after he should have left, Henry finally leaves. I will not dispute he was the greatest player the Premiership has ever had. Nobody, even the most hardened non-Arsenal fan can question the man’s ability. Two titles and four FA Cups. Countless accolades. Record-breaking goals tally. Yes, yes, a truly outstanding player. Maybe now he is a Barcelona player he stands a decent chance of winning the World Player of the Year trophy. And as he departs, Henry has done what all players who have been loyal servants to the one club for a prolonged period do. He has over-emphasised the fact that he is Arsenal through and through, attempting to appease the tearful fans he leaves behind.

Take his comments on the Arsenal website. He mentions ‘heart’ five times, just in case there was any doubt about his love for the club, and also subtly changes ‘Gunner for life’ to mean staying there for life to being a ‘supporter for life’. Bless him. But at least he following his dream. Maybe it’s because of his age. Maybe along with age he has ambition to play in another league with some of the most gifted players in the world and find out just how good he really is applying himself to new surroundings, tempo and footballing culture. And maybe it also had to do with Dein leaving and Wenger looking to jump ship in the near future. Possibly, what he saw looking into the future three or so years back is not what he would have wished for looking ahead from the present day. Because if it was good, if he felt it looked very good, he’d never leave Arsenal.

What's Walcott smiling about?

So, what of the Gunners? Will their ‘young guns’ be able to progress in the right direction without their number 14 talisman? Who can possibly replace the irreplaceable? Of course, before everyone begins to celebrate their ‘demise’ lets remember how in adversity many teams tend to do the opposite of what others expect (hope).

Arsenal were fine in most of their Henry-less games last year out. Including the ones against us. Fine, but not brilliant and most definitely beatable. And they’re not exactly on the verge of mid-table mediocrity. And nobody can dispute Wenger’s ability when it comes to stealing players. But there is now an abundance of questions that did not exist before. And regardless of the players present and their potential and the structure in place at the club, sometimes one incident can create a wave of discontent and uncertainty that never existed or could be imagine earlier.

When a club gets weaker they need to reclaim their strength. And doing so can be equally hard as it is sometimes easy. Time will do its usual thing and let us know how things pan out.

And sure, what a wonderful day in the history of Tottenham Hotspur, jovial with his imminent departure to La Liga. Yes, failure within the Arsenal ranks is seen as glory to the WHL faithful who are deprived of any success.

I’m being ironic here. You see, we are not allowed to laugh at our neighbours. Not permitted in any way, regardless of the occasion. Basically because they have won things and we haven’t. Except its not really laughter is it? And it’s also not a success on our part due to failure on Arsenals.

It’s just your basic football fans reaction to seeing a team you dislike become weaker after you've had to endure constant arrogance from their fans, laughing at suggestions that Henry would even consider leaving. No matter the words Henry uttered in the build up to the official club statement from Arsenal, their fans still deluded that there is no way he would walk away. "Why would Henry leave?" They asked.

See, everyone (the majority) are glad he is gone. That’s Man Utd fans and Chelsea fans and Liverpool fans and everyone else. Yes, yes, the league is a lesser place without him in it. As good as Henry was, eight years of him is enough. It was like Arsenal had an extra three players in their team when he played. And as football is made up of cycles of success, this may just be the end of Arsenals. Dramatics aside, I’m not suggesting the gypsies are about to be deported. Just that their caravans might get clamped.

Please laugh at their despondency, but rather than stand there hoping they will struggle, how about Martin Jol and Daniel Levy look towards improving all the little areas that make us a 5th placed club and not a 4th placed club. At this current moment in time, it’s us with the talisman.

So, goodbye to the number 14. Goodbye to running from one end of the pitch to the other to incite the opposition fans but still have the FA ignore the whole incident. Goodbye to the arrogant self-obsessed celebrations and moody facial expressions. Goodbye and good luck.

And as for the fans he leaves behind. As for all your posturing and gesturing that 'all is well' in Little France don’t expect us not to feel a just a tad content with what’s happened. So.…Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone, silence the pianos and with muffled drum, bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Then dance around the bastards singing 'We are Tottenham, we are Tottenham, super Tottenham, from the lane’.

Because we can.

The Corner-Pin Incident

It would seem that Spurs fans are not the only people who read my blog. There I was, hiding, but with a full view of the pub waiting for loyal soldiers to appear at the meeting place so I can assign individual tasks and missions in preparation for the Anti-Levy Demonstration and March. I was initially, pleasantly shocked to see three barrel chested men standing outside the Corner Pin just before 5am. That would equal the best ever turn out to one of these meets since its birth back in 2004.

It wasn’t until I approached them that I noticed the distinct flavour of claret and blue in the men’s clothing. It was that and the overly East End accents that made me suspect that these boys were definitely lacking Hertfordshire blood. The one with the Bobby Moore tattoo asked if I was here for the meeting with Spooky. Quick thinking on my part helped me avoid a fracas.

“Nah me old China, just ‘aving a butchers waiting on this merchant banker Spooky, innit. It’s gonna go Pete Tong when he turns up, the bleeding James Blunt. Anyone up for a Ruby, knees up mother brown?”

They didn't have a clue I was Spooky and instantly thought I was one of them. Turns out this welcoming party were gonna do 'Spooky' over because of some old anti-West Ham blog entries that didn't approve of.

Thankfully, my method acting improvised masterclass got me out of a potentially lethal scenario. We ‘bonded’, waited for another half an hour and decided that 'Spooky' wasn’t going to show up. So we then decided to make sure everyone knew that the West Ham boys had visited deep in Tottenham territory. Utterly smashed and wrecked a bin near the Spurs shop. I felt dirty being involved, I had no choice but to pretend I was born and breed in the Chicken Run. We left pretty sharpish and then spent the next eight hours in a pub on Green Street celebrating another victory over the Yids. All a bit of a naughty day. I managed to escape when two of them headed off to have tattoos done to mark the occasion.

Ok, so the Corner Pin meet-up was a complete blow out. No one appears to have the heart in being involved in this demo against Levy. So, it would appear that dreams of a million man march are dusted, with me, singular, being the one soul on Gods green earth with the warrior backbone to go up against the Lilywhite Playboy, Daniel Levy.

I’ll include a full report of the march once it happens.

Friday, 22 June 2007

Spurs back in for 'The Sock'

We are apparently keeping tabs on the Brazilian flair-induced central midfielder Diego Ribas da Cunha aka The Sock. The player we 'almost' signed back in 2003 when Pleat made several trips to South America but failed to claim the players signature, sadly due to several possible reasons. No work permit, no Sock was one of the popular 'excuses of failure'. There were also apparently a number of issues relating to the players rights (the dad part-owned him or something equally silly). Though the main reason was down to a sudden change of heart by the chairman of Santos, where Diego played at the time. All a bit of a mess.

The Sock

Anyways thats all history now and he ended up at Porto (not a great experience) but has since moved to Germany, playing for Werder Bremen. He's had an impressive season in the Bundesliga (36 games, 14 goals) and his goal at the new Wembley against England appears to have re-ignited our interest. Seems the buzz is that Levy and Damien Comolli (as suggested by various sources) want a true 'Tottenhamesque' style player to have a genuine spark from midfield to attack in the creative stakes.

Diego (Creative Midfield) - Berbatov (Creative Forward)

Does look good on a blog, doesn't it? Levy and Comolli are thinking 'Osvaldo Ardiles' (same type of height, but more tanned and Brazilian), and with the success of another short player in his debut season in England (Carlos Tevez) they feel that a South American in the Premiership may not be the daunting challenge many feared it can be.

I think this is the first thing Levy has done that I find myself happy with, excluding giving Block 34 a female steward.

So, the source of this information? Well its an agency, partly based out in Germany, who deal with footballers. And much like any line of business, people talk and people gossip. There was initial interest from an unnamed Spanish club who then cooled their advances. This may have played a part with our rekindled interest, with Comolli initially keeping an eye on things. Spurs then approached Bremen (all above board) but were knocked back. Diego's agent is playing the textbook 'One club is interested, let me spread the word' tactic. This suggests that they maybe after a more improved contract with the Germans. However Diego is apparently keen to listen to what we have to say (though expect other clubs to also show interest - and Diego's agent to 'whore' the little Brazilian magician to Italy and Spain). But our strong point in all this is routed back in the year 2003 with the way Diego was treated (very very well) by Pleat and the club when we looked to bring him to London first time round. Diego hasn't forgotten this.

Maybe Levy and Comolli should sub-contract Pleat and outsource this particular potential transfer to someone who knows Diego and his family (if be it for a short term a few years back).

In all seriousness, no idea on the fee being touted, but probably relatively cheap in todays market (around £13M).

First hurdle is getting past Bremen. Might not be too much of an issue, as rumours of a clause in Diego's contract might make things interesting over the next month or so.

And why should I believe any of this? This particular 'source' came good on three previous transfers - in the past 2 years - before they happened (before they hit the press or the forums). Not saying Spurs deals, but they involved three prominent high profile players. The information wasn't shared on those occasions, at least not publicly. And all three signings happened, as stated by this person.

Thought this one was too good to pass up and not blog it. Hope its not jinxed now.

Wednesday, 20 June 2007

Darren Bent Whorage

More 'ITK' gossip from a 'Spurs Insider'. This one from season ticket holder WestStandJolly. Claims to know someone who knows Bent. Much like the previous piece of whorage posted in this blog. Wonderful stuff.

Spoke to a contact who has had (lets say) contact, with Bent in recent weeks. Darren didn't say much about WHU other than they might not be the right club for him. That and all the Sheff Utd hearing and potential outcome, doesn't want to play for a club that might start the season with -10 points. Said they offered him a shedload.

A typical Spurs 'ITK'

Wants to play for Spurs who are more than likely one of a number of possible destinations for him. Charlton want their moneys worth but will probably get more desperate for an injection of cash + players closer to the summers end. Gardner being the make-weight, with one or two others as potential (Routledge). Told in confidence that he will be playing in the Prem next season, and I believe him. If the deal happens, should be announced in 2 or so weeks time.

Levy is also going all out to bring in a left-winger, a centre-back and another midfielder (Levy apparently quoted as stating he wants the club to sign a player of Gascoignes or Ginolas ilk - a definitive classic Spurs player. Apparently, Jol has said 'If only there was a Dave Mackay out there for us'. Holland, Spain, France and Brazil are the target countries that Comolli has been working on with our scouting network.

Hope to have more info soon.

Yep, it's like golddust. Without these people, what would we possibly do in the time between the club genuinely speaks to a player and signs him and then announces it to the fans.

Before any of you idiots throw the 'DONT FEED THE ITK'S' comment in my face, don't bother. That comment in a previous blog was ironic. How can I possibly not feed the little blighters when they are akin to a Lazarus Pit, forever giving life to all that should be dead.

Between their constant sewage of information and the need for me to break into the Big Brother house to head-butt Charley, I have my entertainment sewn up till my community service ends and I can resource more time to better spent activities.

The 4th Annual Anti-Levy March

Now, you know me. I'm no trouble maker. And with my current community service duties hanging over my head, I can not risk giving the authorities the opportunity to punish me further. So the location and time of this yearly event will remain a secret (so no info online).

Hopefully it will not be a repeat of last years disaster when the information on Levy's whereabouts (we always march in the vicinity of where Daniel is enjoying a leisurely stroll) resulted with us marching through the aisles of his local Waitrose where there was an unfortunate accident with a shelf of tinned food and a seventy-four year old lady.

Levy wasn't even there at that time, having left 10 minutes earlier. Took security and the St Johns Ambulance crew 40 minutes to get that old lady out from underneath the cans of baked beans. The mayhem, the confusion......was like being in Nam.

As per usual, anyone who wants to be part of this mass rally and demonstration, be at the Corner Pin pub on Friday morning 5am. You wont see me, but I'll see you. If you're kosher, you'll get the details of this years march.

For anyone confused about this being in the off-season, thats the point. Levy can not be allowed to gallivant his way through the summer months. We have to disturb his tranquility. And these surprise demos tend to do the trick. Help's raise the profile of The Association of Real Spurs Enforcers Neutralising Anarchist Levy.

As per usual, food and drink is provided, and the traditional pub crawl of the High Road will proceed the days events.

So, fortune favours the brave. See you at the Corner Pin.

Thursday, 14 June 2007

Plucked from a Spurs forum

Posted on COYS by HH:

OK for all you doubters.

Darren Bent is Spurs

From the man himself, just got the phone 2 minutes ago.

Don't expect an announcement from the club until July 1st.

The fee will not be announced but it is nowhere near what we offered Charlton for him last January.

BTW there is a real chance of further sanctions against West Ham.

All this from one phone call. The comment about sanctions against WH must be a hint that Bent decided against them because of the possibility of relegation - though, doubtful anyone has the bollocks to dish out the punishment they should have got months back when the Prem League choked and bottled it.

In addition, HH has also stated that 2 players will leave Spurs to join Charlton - one on loan and one on a permanent contract. Routledge is surely one of them. He also had this to say:

There are more but I will not have anymore real information till at least next monday.

But it will be the details of the last of the 4 major signings we are after this season.

Bale, Kaboul, Bent, and ? (it was Nani). I will leave you all to speculate, but I will tell you now it ain't an out and out LW.

Not an out and out left winger. Because left wingers are as rare as rocking horse shit. So, I'm meant to believe that Darren Bent called up HH and told him he's joining Spurs but not officially until July 1st when we announce it....while the chief executive of Charlton states:

"We look forward to Darren starting with us in the Championship next season, which is a massive boost to our chance of returning to the Premier League."

We set a valuation for Darren and West Ham were the only club prepared to meet that valuation"

Yes. Charlton will not sell him unless a club matches their valuation. Something only the desperate 'ammers have done. So how is offering less money and a couple of players going to turn Charlton's head?

If anything Man Utd will bid for him, needing a striker now that Saha is injured. Again.

So, we are after a 4th player? No shit Sherlock, who would have guessed, considering we have needed a left-winger for years now.

Oh, and nice one on the 'July 1st' announcement. Thats a convenient 2 and a bit weeks that HH can enjoy ITK status before he gets found out for being a drunk deluded charlatan and IP banned. The worship of false Gods is frowned upon. Ask Moses and that mob that followed him around. It was their fault they got lost for a few decades, preferring to listen to the mis-guided few instead of Charlton Heston.

Well, listen to Spooky. There are very few very limited variables when it comes to predicting who will sign for who. Throw enough shit at the wall and some of it will stick. Try throwing diarrhea and it will stick all over you.


re: fixture list for 2008

5th opening day away game in 6 years. I I demand for the Premier League to release the source code from the software they use to generate a full seasons worth of games. I'm willing to beat they ignore this plea, in the full knowledge that I know they know that I know that the code contains certain strings of commands that contain formulas allowing for comfortable home games for Arsenal and persistent 'tricky' away games for Spurs. David Dein's ghost continues to haunt us.

This battle is not worth the hassle. It's like fighting fire with a daffodil.

King Op

It's not unexpected really, is it? King set to miss the start of the season (probably along with Lennon). No confirmed centre-back signing as yet to cover his absence. Rocha, is at best, cover - but we need the type of cover that might need to sit in defence for the best part of the season. Ledley, in recent years, has had far too many prolonged periods out injured. Its far too much of a big risk not to bring in a 'world class' defender. Needed, regardless for added depth. Maybe the Ginger Pele is available on a free?

The surgery on Ledders left knee takes place next week. Its routine (according to the club) so we are not meant to worry too much. Yeah, right. We are Spurs fans ffs. Worrying is what we do.

Sunderland Away

The fixture list is out. Yes, Arsenal are at home to a weak side while we get Sunderland away. Oh the joy of broken bones and the Mackem Roar. I'm certain we will be kicked all over the place, with Roy Keane desperate to display his team will be no push-overs like their last humiliating Premiership stay. Regardless, I expect nothing less than a 3-0 away victory and three points.

What I do not want to be hearing at 4:45pm:
  • No, I think Sunderland is a good team and they have a good manager. Roy Keane. A warrior. They made it difficult for us.
  • We didn't start too well. I think we played better second half but we left it a little late. It's disappointing
  • One or two players struggled today. Sunderland are a very physical team and they made it tricky for us.

Who am I kidding? Of course we're gonna lose. Its bound to be moved so that Sky Sports can show it. The conspiracy continues.....

Wednesday, 13 June 2007

FAO Glory Glory


So much concern and worry about another club and what they may or may not achieve next season based on their new wage structure (or lack of) and how they turned it around to avoid relegation.

If Jol does his job, we wont have to look over our shoulders.

I saw the same reaction several months back when they signed the two Argies and some of you ladies went utterly apeshit with anxiety.

Stop looking for excuses for our possible failure.

Spooky, I presume....

No, I’m not dead, just not been online too much recently. Currently serving community service, sweeping the streets in and around White Hart Lane. Yes, I did say ‘sweeping’. When I said I wanted to clean up Tottenham, this is not what I had in mind. The Judge didn’t see the ironic side of me launching 125 water-balloons filled with a concoction made up of Virgin Cola, urine and fungus covered cheese. The balloons were meant for Levy’s traditional summer house party. The original plan was to shoot them down when the cloud of balloons sat high above his BBQ and guests. I just didn’t count for the change in weather that blew them off course. I had to shoot them down with my air rifle four miles away. Suffice to say, the nuns were not amused. The Judge called me ‘unoriginal’ and that my antics were akin to a rather tatty adventure from the pages of The Beano. Asked to explain my reasoning around the balloon-attack I stated:

“I wanted to get the point across that even when the sun appears to be shining; a storm is only moments away. This is the way I feel as a supporter of Tottenham Hotspur”

He decided my community service would be best suited in the motherland, sweeping the streets of Tottenham High Road instead of the well-to-do area Levy presides in. I’ve been banned from his borough for 2 months. So no more spying from the bushes. All I’m left with is Internet porn and reading message boards. As for the Nuns. I had to pay for their dry-cleaning and the mess from their courtyard. Very unsavoury moment. Thank God I'm not religious.

Sneijder and Huntelaar are targets. Bent is likely to go to West Ham United. And if it’s for £18M and 100k per week, good luck to him. No sign of Kaboul. He was meant to be signed an age ago. Why do we stuggle to tie up deals and prolong them longer than a bake beans and curry inspired fart. Also, every ‘available’ player is being linked to the same group of around 5 or 6 Premiership clubs. Giuly being one of them. Next please. And yes, the summer is truly here when Torres is linked.

It’s all hot air.

I may turn my attention to the Big Brother house. Might serve as a good alternative now that Levy’s mansion is out of bounds and everything is a little on the quiet side with players on their holidays. Would really like to throw frozen shit pellets at a few of them, the miserable depressive losers. The BB contestants, not the players. Well, apart from Stalteri. Deserves it for his dress sense and the fact he cost us Champions League.

The Welsh One, the Bug-Eyed Never-Smiling Man Hater - both of them need to removed from television forever. And as for that Charley, would rather have Dwight Yorke hit on me than have her going down on me in the cubicles of some nightclub. And by ‘hit’ I don’t mean the smack in the mouth/punch in the face kind, which Dwight did once achieve when I kicked his kebab out of his hands on one late mid-week evening in Manchester. I use to run with anti-meat campaigners back then. Those were dark days.

Saturday, 9 June 2007

Brucie Bonus,,2099122,00.html

Birmingham City are ready to offer Mido a route out of Tottenham Hotspur, with Steve Bruce considering making an offer for the forward, who is valued at £6m. The Egyptian made only seven Premiership starts for Tottenham last season and has expressed his dissatisfaction after failing to hold down a regular place at White Hart Lane. Bruce has strengthened his interest in the 24-year-old international after missing out on Mark Viduka, with the Birmingham manager keen to add experience to a callow forward line.


Bite their hands off. Quickly, before Mido mistakes them for a cheeseburger and takes a lunge himself.

Good Deed

SPURS have built a house for orphans in South Africa — with money from their players’ fines.

The Premiership giants spent £100,000 on the project at Rustenburg in the north-west of the country.

Tottenham set aside stars’ fines — ranging from turning up late to more serious disciplinary offences — for five years.

And 20 per cent has been spent on the orphans, the rest going to the local community via the Tottenham Hotspur Foundation.

A spokesman said: “We established a link on a tour four years ago and we’ll be going back there this summer.

“We’re proud to be the first football club to do something like this. The players have a strong interest in the scheme.”

Just in case you wondered why we are strapped for cash on the potential Darren Bent deal.

Leeds United are back

Well bravo. Bravo Tottenham Hotspur and bravo Daniel Beelzebub Levy. It seems I have underestimated the Chairman of the Board and his minions. And it probably serves as a reminder that I should be – at all times – fully alert and focused because my assault of words on the Levy Empire appear to have birthed a retaliation. And a positive one at that.

Levy actually appears to have a set of balls.

The footballing grapevine is, at this moment, delivering some rather juicy grapes. Juice grapes of truth.

West Ham United are doing their utmost to turn themselves into the new Leeds, which makes Scott Parker the new Seth Johnson and Lee Bowyer the….still a thug.

Russian money. Filtered through Iceland – all bankrolled via a silent Russian partner. Allegedly. We have offered Darren Bent a set amount of wages, a competitive amount of money that is deserving of a player of his proven Premiership calibre and would make him one of our top earners. So, possibly £50,000 or £60,000 per week. However, the ‘ammers have gone one better. In fact, 100% better by offering him DOUBLE the amount we have.

It’s like Gollum winning the lottery and still having to bribe prostitutes to sleep with him.

Levy apparently believes this has fucked it up for everyone else WHU are doing what Chelsea did, but in wages not transfers. Seems, the chairman of the board is using restraint and won’t be held hostage over WHU’s short-term quick fix tactics which could quite comfortable jeopardise the club.

Levy cements place on board

Vigorous. That’s the word of the day. ENIC, now 66% to the good have safeguarded any potential hostile takeover (so, sorry to all the Russian billionaires out there). Good tactics again from the chairman of the board, spending a fortune to guarantee his firm grip on his empire. Levy can now out vote anyone on the board by 2-1 whereas prior (before Sugar was bought out) they only owned 54% meaning that a potential takeover would only require 46%, forcing a power struggle that Levy would prefer to best avoid. Which he has done.

Rumours of Damien Corleone purchasing a home in London, moving out of his rented property and potentially into a million pound home – cementing his and Levy’s position at the club. Obvious logic, you wouldn’t go house hunting if you believed you job was at risk.
So, my nemesis is here to stay. Good, because had he fucked off I’d sue him for making the domain name of this site redundant.

Yoof Signed

Adel Taarabt and Yuri Berchiche have both signed contracts with the club. Adel, we saw in cameos last season. Yuri is a left-back from Bilbao and highly rated.

So, add these to this lot:

Dean Parret. The new Stephen Gerrard.
Terry Dixon. The Orish Wayne Rooney.
Tomas Pekhart. The new Jan Koller.
Dag Alexander Olsen. The new Ole Gunnar Solskjaer.

Not a Owen Price, Michael Malcolm or Jonathan Blondel in sight.

Spoon full of sugar makes the Levy go down

Sir Alan Sugar has sold his stake in Premier League football club Tottenham Hotspurs for £25m ($49.8m) to sports and media group ENIC International.

ENIC already held 54% of the North London football club, and has now increased its holding to 66%.

Spurs' chairman Daniel Levy is the managing director of ENIC.

Although City rules require ENIC to make an offer for the remaining 34% of the club the group said it intended to maintain Spurs' AIM listed status.

The deal values the club at £209.5m.

The sale will go through on 2 July and will end Sir Alan's formal relationship with a club where he was chairman for a decade until 2001.

The board of ENIC said it had increased its stake in Spurs "as a sign of its long-term confidence in the club and to provide ongoing stability to the club".

This should be interesting. Surely Levy wouldn't go as far as selling the club just to get away from my barrage of truth-attacks? As for Sugar, I remember standing outside the High Court smashing up Amstrad computers. And that was only last year on the anniversary of the first court case when him and El Tel went to war way back. Though credit to him for saving the club from administration, and credit to Terry for winning us the Cup in '91 - which equally saved this club from the brink.

Wednesday, 6 June 2007

A Guide to Modern Day Journalism

1) Do nothing all day except watch Sky Sports News and browse Internet Message forums.

2) When discovering a link that takes you through to an interview (for example, a 'European' based football site interviewing an English based player), read it. Or get someone else to read it for you.

3) Ignore interview and its content. And wait for around 24 hours.

4) Continue to browse forums until you discover the interview has been re-posted elsewhere, but either amended or edited (or mis-translated).

5) Copy and past this bastardisation of the interview that contradicts everything the original one stated (giving the opposite impression the interviewed player gave) and write it up for the newspaper you work for.

6) Bask in the glory that this now sits on the home site of your newspaper, and will appear in tomorrows paper edition.

7) Pour yourself a glass of wine when SSN run the story.

Saturday, 2 June 2007

Transfer Speculation

Once again, we have reached that time of year where there is a great deal of press speculation linking us with players from all around the world.

Sporting Director Damien Comolli noted: “It is unbelievable picking up a newspaper this time of year. I guess there will always be transfer stories concerning us as we are a club that is always looking to strengthen where possible, though many of the reports that I have read are completely wide of the mark.”

As always, we should like to remind our supporters that our official channels – website and mobile service spurs(((mobile))) - will carry informed, accurate and timely information as and when it is appropriate to do so.

From: - transfer speculation

Yes Damien, but what about the information that comes straight from the horses mouth? By horses mouth, I was metaphorically referring to someone who works within the club who has shared sensitive information with a Spurs fan who then posts the info on a Spurs forum.

Now, I don’t want to side with the club on this, but it’s quite obvious that nobody really has any idea of what’s going on. Not to the degree that some of the ITK characters would like you to believe.

For example, ones that talk cryptically about new signings as if they want to tell the world about it but at the same time want to avoid the story from leaking are just being creative with their attention-seeking. Others, who straddle branches and hold onto their binoculars just state the bleeding obvious. This latest piece of whorage appeared on (whorage in red):

Shoot me down all you want but my mate has some spurs ties in the boardroom...he rarely talks about spurs as he doesn't like to leak info...which i respect no matter how frustrating at time...

Right. Explain ‘ties’. Does he clean the boardroom? Does he walk past it as he makes his way to the fax machine? Does he hold a glass up to the door? Or are you saying that you know someone who knows someone who knows someone? Already, this information is looking to be 3rd or 4th hand. And if he rarely talks about Spurs, why the sudden verbal diarrhea?

But anyhow he came out to NYC today and is slaughtered and probably excited to be here on his hols....but he needed a favor so i turned the screw! Haha

If he has ties, then you just blow his cover. So enjoy the information, because he wont ever be in a position to share again.

He said that Darren Bent is more or less ours unless Spurs have a change of heart. He has verbally agreed a deal subject to a medical and transfer fee. We are about 3 mil away from what Charlton want. He is not interested in WHAM but curbs is trying to sign him and have more or less agreed to the fee Charlton want for him... Bent is on his hols and we will have a better look at him due to a injury he has picked up on his return.

So. We are signing Bent – however, if we don’t it’s because we have changed our mind. That’s some way to cover your tracks. Adding the injury thing is gold. It’s like me saying we are set to buy Petrov from Athletico Madrid and he want’s to join but we may miss out due to contractual issues.

I might get up to make a cup of tea, but I might not.

Jermain Defoe wants to stay with us and is NOT looking for a move....Chelsea were sniffing around for Chimbo indeed....but quickly turned their attention to Defoe ... Jol wants to work out a deal with Robben in a swap...

Every man and his dog know that Defoe is third inline to be King of Strikers at WHL. Linking him with a move away is something anybody can do. Yes, even people who work for the Daily Mirror can add one plus one. And stating Chelsea were sniffing around for Pascal is like anybody on any forum or any pub saying that Spurs were in for Nani – because its flipping public knowledge already.

As for Robben. This is a firm favourite of most people to talk about as Jol is Dutch and has publicly stated he likes Robben.

Mido has lost his respect at the club and they are negotiating with several teams involving swap deals including interest from a promoted club, Blackburn, and a few other teams abroad mainly in France... Mark Hughes is not convinced at Midos fitness but has not closed the door just yet on it... But respect to Mido he has been working on his fitness...

Mido has lost respect? Really? Hey, about that Hitler taking his own life in the bunker. Oh, and man lands on moon. Christ, you eat enough cheeseburgers and smoke enough cigars you lose the respect of the fans. Again, it’s no secret that Jol and everyone else have had enough of him. As for Mido working on his fitness, of course he is. It’s the summer. He has nothing to sulk about and needs to sell himself to a new club, so that he is ready for another season of gorging and generally expecting to play first team football without actually warranting it.

MGP has been initially blocked but we will test them with a higher bid...Jol looking to bring him in regardless if we buy a im assuming a few formations next year Petrov is wanted by Jol... and comolli has been in contact with friend seems to think we have a really good chance of signing him. Petrov was wanted last season as well but didn't materialize. Petrov is believed to have joked behind closed doors that him and berbs could crack the top four by themselves! But Robben is still the one that Jol is dreaming about!

So, for the one position, the ITK has covered off 3 potential signings in MGP, Petrov and Robben. That’s some safety net you got there. All three are again firm favs of Internet message boards and Spurs fans in general.

We have been asked to keep informed about Nugent but again it depends on Everton as he is a massive fan of theirs....

No no no no no no no no no no no no. No. No.

I asked him about Bale and he said that we had him wrapped (as far as transfer fee and agreement with the club) up in January but couldn't announce it with only a bunch of "reliable" people knowing due to Saints push for the prem. Burley didn't want to rock team morale or distract the youngster. He is very very excited to play for spurs and has been watching spurs vids and reading about our history...Said Bale was a kid in a sweetshop when he arrived at spurs.

Facts after the fact. Its ok to say someone really wanted to join us after he’s joined us. But the fact he has joined us would suggest he wanted to join us anyway. As for being excited, he's 17 for FFS.

Villa/Sunderland have asked about Tainio...Jol is keen to keep him.

This is probably spot-on. Because Jol must be puffing away on something again to be declaring all out love for TT.

Jol is NOT after NRC!!!! Bartons name was been thrown around but some of the top top boys don't want him anywhere near our team. As for Parker...we DID show some interest but went cold due to his refusal at lowering his wages but what made me laugh was...Parker wanted a guarantee of first team footie!

None of this can be proved or disproved. The Damien statement on the website would suggest that he was referring to Parker. As for Barton, he has a clause and probably every other fan of several other clubs are suggesting they are in for him, but are unsure. Barton is a mess. If we signed him, I’ll be looking to make a mess (of the number 2 kind) and mail it to the club.

There is a french striker being discussed at the moment as one of the options....supposed to Henry Mk2...although Arsenal/pompey/boro looking at him also

French? The new Henry? Well, the fact that Arsenal have Walcott (who is the new Henry) would suggest that anyone French and good will go to the worlds largest immobile gypsy caravan (Ashburton Grove) rather than the badlands of Tottenham. Though why on earth the ‘new Henry’ would allow Pompey and Boro to be interested in him would suggest that someone is taking Football Manager stats a bit too seriously.

Last but not least....Jol couldnt be happier....said his dreams have come true and wants the job for life! Keep this a secret haha but Jol loves the banter with the spurs faithful.

Yes, because we all come to the ground to banter with a bald headed bloke who waves at us once in a while. He getting paid to wave at us and finish just outside the Champions League….again.

Even called us prickshh on one occasion for making fun of his in his own words "Hair shtyle"...

No one calls me a prick. No one. I’ve paid over 600 quid to the club and to be insulted by the manager, that’s out of order. Is this how the club repays the loyal fan. Unlike your hair Jol, I will always be here.

Berbs is somewhat of an enigma around the club....some of the spurs staff still cant make eye contact with him apparently hahahah women!

That’s my boy. How daft of the woman (and maybe the odd bloke) who work at the club thinking they can get a piece of the Bulgarian Buldge. Dream on losers.

Last but not least...Nani was a serious serious prospect and we definitely tried to sneak in under the rader...but Nanis agent alerted Utd that we were close in getting our man....Only for Man U sending a squad of people to ensure we dont get our man. Nani was about 10 hours from signing for us.

Yes, this I can give you as probably being near the mark. Probably. But Nani was never going to join us, even if we agreed anything in principal with his club. Utd (and Ronaldo and CQ) was always going to be his destination.

dont care if you shoot me, the suns out and im looking forward in your respectful thoughts haha

Shoot you? No. Politely slap you across your face in an attempt to rattle you out of your delusionary state, yes. Several times.

The only credit you get is for not suggesting all this information came from a large wooden thing with a green roof.

Friday, 1 June 2007

Why Spurs are naff at set-pieces

It's like watching the Fellowship of the Ring.