Spurs and Survival: It's time to get medieval

A regular feature on this blog has been a reoccurring series following a set of fixtures that are meant to provide the much needed impetus (and points) to finally steer us clear of the scary little mire that is the bottom three seats of the Premiership. A place best avoided much like a seedy back room in a pawn shop resembling a dungeon.

When Harry Redknapp joined, I gave him 12 games to get us out of trouble. Results were not too shabby. The 12 games in question made up the fabled Challenge Spurs™ (The Dirty Dozen) series. But when that ended, we failed to capitalise on the points tally acquired and managed to follow it up with a pretty awful run of results, followed by another mixed bag (as chronicled in the V for Victory™ series).

This meant we failed to pull ourselves away from the mix down at the bottom. So these run of fixtures never made a difference win, lose or draw with regards to climbing the table (obviously the points picked up have been all important, otherwise we'd be doomed by now). And the teams around us have also remained fairly constant with poor and inconsistent form. Not a lot has changed in the past few months.

We now find ourselves with the run-in and every game a must-win (not every game is winnable, but that's the attitude required. Deja vu, right?). Which ironically means, that if there was a time to scrutinise our fixture list and welcome back Challenge Spurs™, it’s now. Fail, and there's nothing but Championship fixtures to look forward to.

We have 13 games left - 6 at home and 7 away.

We've already driven the little Honda into Marcellus Wallace. Donuts and coffee hitting the pavement. And arguably, we’ve already stumbled our way into the Mason-Dixie pawn shop. So squeaky-bum time is potentially moments away. Zed will see to that. Get yourself caught up in the moment and you might find it more than just a bit tricky to get out. All tied up and gagged, praying for a miracle. Zed has us in his sights. Relegation. Relegation has us in its sights. The spider has caught itself a fly.

"Bring out The Gimp"
"I think The Gimp is sleepin'"

In this case, the Gimp is not Jermaine Jenas. And neither is it sleeping. The Gimp is the monkey on our back. Nope, not Gareth Bale (he's mostly on the bench nowadays). The Gimp is the persistent match-losing lack of concentration that has seen us defeat ourselves in the last four league away games - all in the final minutes.

It’s a mental block. Lack of concentration, belief. A fundamental lack of self-respect. Confidence, pride...lack of. Tag whatever you wish to it. Its a Spurs trait we always blame when you know what hits the fan.

Last time the Gimp persevered, it cost us Champions League (forget the last game and think back to the amount of points lost in the final minutes both home and away during the course of that season). For it to occur four times on the trot, all away from the Lane this season, is a sure sign that winning is sometimes a task too hard for some of our players. They welcome the Gimp and it's all too familiar hooded face of sadomasochistic defeatism. We need to punch the Gimp in the head several times.

"So, we're cool?"

We are at the point of no second chances now. If you sit down with your calculator or Prem Table predictor website tool, the possibility of us being unsafe and at risk on the final game is possible if you base our final set of games and likely outcomes on prior form. Especially on away form.

We are likely to pick up points at home. Although it’s ominous that we haven't done that amazingly well so far. But the home games are now imperative. No possible excuse could appease us if we don't prove successful at WHL. As for the away games, they can be grouped into two sections:

The 'No Chance in Hell' List

Man Utd
Aston Villa
Everton
Liverpool

The 'Doubtful we'll win' List

Hull City
Blackburn Rovers
Sunderland

Lose to Hull away, and the game against Boro at home turns into a Cup final, to follow on from that other Cup final we play out a few days earlier. Sunderland away has yet to be slotted into the schedule having been postponed. So where is the away win(s) going to happen? We have a good record at Everton, don't we?

I prefer to think that Spurs will do what they usually do in such desperate times. Instinctively react and do so positively. Almost nonchalantly. Bit like the goals that came at the end of the semi-final against Burnley. We waited until we were 3-0 down and (practically) out of the Cup before showing a bit of quality and pulling through. It's textbook Spurs. It's eternally frustrating. Back to the home games left to play:

The 'Must Not Drop Points' List

Boro
Chelsea
West Ham
Newcastle
WBA
Man City

Apart from Chelsea (who might be rejuvenated a little by the time we play them) the other games in this list have to be victories in our favour. Without any disrespect, they are winnable. On paper. That's a fans perspective. The players have to be ruthless and fearless against the lot of them.Whether it's Chelsea or WBA.

The other clubs around us down at the bottom will no doubt struggle till the closing day of the season, but the desperation of needing them to lose to help us out is something I will not embrace.

It’s in our hands. Again. We can't be hoping other results go in our favour. We have to control our own destiny (cringe away).

We are in need for an inspired Butch with a Samurai sword moment to signal our intent for survival.

And we are equipped for it. Palacios, big and strong and inspiring. Keane will rediscover form and the back of the net. Dawson will continue to led in the absence of King. Lennon, who's energy this season has never faltered, will buzz around and torment. Modric possesses the quality that will help unlock a defence or two and allow Pav and Bent to get in amongst the goals. And Harry will make sure it all tick tocks clockwise.

How the Carling Cup final or the UEFA Cup games will affect squad moral is not something I wish to dwell on. It's not quite like last season where the players went to sleep after the 2-1 Wembley win and forgot how to win in the Prem. There's a clear distinction between one off games like the Final and the bread and butter of the Prem this term. And the latter is clearly of more importance in the long run.

Butch, driving into Marcellus, allowed destiny to take them to the pawn shop and perilously close to a humiliating death. The death part was avoided. The humiliation unavoidable. The will to survive saw them through it, bloody in victory and revenge.

Much like the two of them, its down to us that we are in this predicament. We've led ourselves here. Destiny playing its part with comparative ease. We've suffered the humiliation. We now need to stay clear of death. So here's to a quick sharp exit, riding off on a Chopper, with a happy ending.



‘Who’s Relegation?’
‘Relegations dead, baby, Relegations dead’

V for Victory™ - 15 points, Do or Die

This may be the most important moment of your life. Commit to it. They took your Berbatov from you. They took your Keano from you. They put you in the bottom three and took everything they could take except your hope. And you believed that was all there was, didn't you?

The only thing you had left was your hope, but it wasn't, was it? You found something else. In that bottom three, you found something that mattered more to you than hope. Because when they threatened to laugh at you unless you gave them what they wanted... you told them you'd rather die. You faced the emails and jokes.

You were calm. You were still. Try to feel now what you felt then.

Try to remember the impact Harry Redknapp made. And hope he makes it again.



Ok, so plagiaristic introduction aside, it's time for another series of games that might help comfort us in the weeks ahead by applying more pressure to each league game as they take on a meaning akin to a Cup game. By comfort us, I meant shit bricks.

5 games. 3 of them at White Hart Lane, which should be an advantage, but considering our current home form, it's not. And if that isn't enough to be concerned about, take note that only the 5th game (against Arsenal) is against opposition that we tend to show up for.

Wigan, Pompey and Stoke are three teams that we've failed to beat this season. Bolton away is much like WBA away. We lay down and die. And now, ironically, these games are pretty much do or die. Dramatics aside, this is a good a time to buck up our ideas and get moving up the table.



Dare I predict?

Ideal (yet within the boundaries of reality) Results:

(A) Wigan ---------------- D
(H) Pompey -------------- W
(H) Stoke City ------------ W
(A) Bolton ---------------- D
(H) Arsenal --------------- D

9 points from a possible 15, giving us a total of 29. That will probably, depending on what the other teams around us do, leave us in pretty much the same position, which means after these 5 games, we'll have to have the same attitude for every single remaining game from now to the end of the season. But best to worry about anything post-Arsenal once we get there.

From the above forecast, Bolton away is the most likely to result in defeat, which makes 8 points the minimum. Obviously, all dependent on Spurs bothering to play for a win. As we saw with the Challenge Spurs™ series of games, usually, the points came from games you least expected them from. Let's hope for some surprises in our favour.

Two home wins and anything but defeat against Arsenal is IMPERATIVE. 15 points is what they should be aiming for because 15 points will genuinely make the following 5 games less stressful. Although every time Spurs get comfortable, we drop back into the mire again. But rather the 15 then nothing. You know, what's in the bag is in the bag.

These next five games is all about Spurs, Harry and the players, showing us their worth. I guess they did that against Fulham and WBA, but I'll allow for a second chance before I start mapping out routes to Blackpool and Plymouth.

Wouldn't be Spurs if there wasn't any heart palpitations, so hold onto your hats.

I'll eat mine, and I'll shave my head if we win all 5 games.

Challenge Spurs™ - The Conclusion

Challenge Spurs™

Games 11 and 12
(H) Fulham 0-0 draw
(A) W.B.A. 2-0 loss

The Dirty Dozen final points tally: 18
Total Prem points: 20
Position: 16th


Having got ourselves out of the bottom 3 we appear to be reluctant to escape further away from the mire. No gap is forthcoming between us and 18th place. Where as others have managed to leapfrog mid-table and sit in a far more comfortable position nearer the UEFA Cup spots. There's still not too much in the way of pts difference from bottom to topish (8th place), but if form continues this way then the gap that will appear, will be the one we don't want.

Yet another Christmas where Santa fails to empty his sack for us. Instead, we get a limp excuse of a performance and zero satisfaction. Scandalous. 1 goal in four games, and it seems that Harry has forgotten the magic of man-management and is failing to get this misfit of a team scoring again. Wasn't a problem in his first few games, but appears to be one now. The solution?

£16M Bent + £14M Pav = £8M Bellamy. The mathematics of Tottenham.

Man City will outbid us there (thankfully) and Defoe is possibly on his way to Chelsea (or City, depending on what rumour you wish to believe). I've got to be careful not to go off on a tangent here but seriously..........Craig Bellamy? Yes, I get it. He's scoring, which is more than we can say for our lot, but the player is injury prone and an utter misery of a human being. Harry apparently succeeded with getting Levy to make the bid. What happened to the ambitions Daniel? Bring back Comolli. There's 1000 players better suited than having Bellamy spearhead our attack. Remind Harry that he can aim just a little bit higher.

The Fulham game was boring and lacklustre. What a surprise there. Dominated the first half but failed to do much in the second. Today's game against WBA was sluggish, and if there's a team that will ever so subtly lay down and die for shit opposition its Spurs.

I don't believe in Father Christmas

Off went Ekotto (red-carded, possibly undeserved, but still.....) and then on comes Gareth Bale, a 74th minute substitution. WBA duly go on to score twice in the final 10 minutes. Curse continues, and we do nothing to wash away this groundhog day feeling.

We lacked any inspiration or direction or tactical initiative. Does Harry actually do the latter? Or is it always a case of asking the players to run around a bit and hopefully get lucky? Yes, if we didn't have BAE sent off, it probably would have finished all square, but what is it with these type of games that the players always fail to fancy? We never appear capable of mustering up the urgency to get something out of it. Arsenal or Chelsea away? Sure, no problem. No matter how shit we are. WBA away? Nah, maybe....maybe next time.

Harry failed to do any after game TV interviews (at the time of writing) and he didn't look best pleased after the Fulham game, so hopefully he'll get the message across (again) to the players in time for the next Prem game. And hopefully he'll do some soul searching with regards to his tactics and formation/selection. Because it's no working.

FA Cup next up followed by the Carling Cup semi-final. I almost don't want these games because they feel like they're in the way of the bread and butter league matches.

The Dirty Dozen - Challenge Spurs™ series ends in..........failure. Only 18 points from a possible 36, well short of the 22 point forecast, and we find ourselves above the bottom 3 by the skin of our teeth.


Where has the good fortune and good form gone? Has Harry been found out? Have the players believed too much of the hype from earlier performances, all exaggerated in comparison to the shambolic form under Ramos?

Suddenly, that olde relegation dogfight, the genuine one - not the flirting of recent weeks, is a possibility once again. Three points off 20th place. Seven points off 8th. Our current run of results reads as: L W L W D L D L

That's far from being sexy. Our up and coming games:

(A) Wigan
(H) Pompey
(H) Stoke City
(A) Bolton
(H) Arsenal

Dare I say it. 15 points up for grabs. 12 is the basic minimum required. IMO.

There. I said it.

I'm not going to knee-jerk. If you go back to when Ramos was still in charge, many overly dramatic Spurs fans (is there any other kind?) had already adjusted to future life in the Championship. It does look likely now that we will finish around the 16th - 14th positions. Which means its going to be a case of always looking over our shoulders, one week to the next.

There are still teams around us who are in worse shape. Granted, they all appear to have fucking won this weekend, but it will swing back the other way next week. But, and this is a knee-jerk of sorts, I'm not discounting the fact that teams who believe they won't go down because they think the teams around them will, are the very teams that get tagged with the 'too good to go down' tag, and end up getting sucked in, and then don't quite know how to get out. So for me to say it does 'look likely now that we will finish around the 16th - 14th positions' is the exact type of attitude that will drag us back into the bottom three.

Redknapp might have saved a team or two in the past, but he's also managed to take a couple down.

If we lose at Wigan and fail to win at Pompey, then we'll be bottom 3, possibly even bottom. And with 18 games left, there's not that much time left to start getting it right.

It's now all down to Redknapp and Levy to make the most of the Jan Sales and for the players we have to start earning their wage.

It's down to Redknapp to let our millionaire players know they are well and truly in a relegation fight, and losing 2-0 to WBA does utterly nothing for confidence for fans.

Is scoring a goal such a scary thing to do? Stand up and be fucking counted you daft cowards.

Challenge Spurs™ - Festive Fixtures

Challenge Spurs™

Game 11 v (H) Fulham

Game 12 v (A) W.B.A.

Dirty Dozen points: 17

Total Prem points: 19

Position: 16th


Bit tricky with two games over the Xmas period, so when I'm back on line, I'll write up a double review of both games. I'm sure they'll be plenty to write about, and with 2009 almost upon us, I'm equally certain the ITK orges will be making their way out of the caves and into the basking sunlight as they being to tell us cryptically who might or might not have been spotted at the Lodge or a Burger King outlet at Heathrow.

No team news as of yet. Hopefully King will be available for one or both games, but it's asking for a miracle (we are due a second coming, so you never know?) to expect him to play in both games.

The home game is bang on the money MUST WIN. Anything less than 3 points is disaster time. WBA is altogether another headache that we'll have to nurse much like the one most will have on New Years Day. We never get a thing out of that fixture. Would love it, just love it, if we did. For once.

The site is in end for the Dirty Dozen games, but like I said in an earlier write-up, the push away from the bottom three looks like continuing strong into the new year, so expect a sequel.

Regardless of who is available or not, Harry needs to deliver. The players need to deliver. It's that simplistic.

17 points in total thus far from this series of games. Which means 19 in total for the season. If we win these two games, that gives us 23 from the series and 25 overall.

The original challenge was to beat the forecast stated in the first blog post of this series. Here's a reminder of what I layed out - along with the actual result to the right hand side and the points accumulated:

Game 01 - (H) Bolton ---------------- W 3 points >>> W 3 points - 3
Game 02 - (A) Arsenal --------------- L >>>>>>>>> D 1 point - 4
Game 03 - (H) Liverpool ------------- D 1 point >>>> W 3 points - 7
Game 04 - (A) Man City ------------- D 1 point >>>> W 3 points - 10
Game 05 - (A) Fulham --------------- W 3 points >>> L
Game 06 - (H) Blackburn ------------ W 3 points >>> W 3 points - 13
Game 07 - (H) Everton -------------- W 3 points >>> L
Game 08 - (A) West Ham ------------ D 1 point >>>> W 3 points - 16
Game 09 - (H) Man Utd ------------- L >>>>>>>>>> D 1 point - 17
Game 10 - (A) Newcastle ------------ D 1 point >>>>> L
Game 11 - (H) Fulham -------------- W 3 point
Game 12 - (A) WBA ----------------- W 3 point


I've got 2 predictions right so far (Bolton and Blackburn). Otherwise, my forecast has been a little off. But my tally of 22 can still be bettered if we do the business, so Spurs can still beat the challenge set out for them.

Happy days.

To be fair, with Ramos in charge, we'd still be rock bottom, and with the Prem being in such a state of flux (form wise) it wouldn't matter too much if we're off by 5 or so points, because nobody appears capable of detaching themselves from the mire.

Post-January will be very dependent on who buys who.

I can't wait for the other side.

Challenge Spurs™ - Whees i' the netty?

Challenge Spurs™

Game 10 v (A) Newcastle Utd
2-1 loss, 0 points
Total points: 19
Position: 16th

Bollocks. Last minute goal. Oh how I've missed you. The touch of depression. But hey, look at the bright side. We did just lose to the biggest best supported club on the planet, and our fans are having to nurse ear-bleeds due to the deafening noise, so if you streamed the game via the internet or listened to it on the radio, at least you don't have to spend several hours travelling back home. Stick on a bit of tv, download some porn, just move on. I'm sure the lads on Toontastic are having a right old 3rd Reich knees-up at the minute, bless 'em.

2 games left - 6 points needed

Note how I'm not actually commenting on performance or match incidents, as I've had the (mis)fortune of missing the game. So haven't got a clue, other than the fact that Modric scored, but disappeared in and out of the game too much. Pav was poor. Bentley was poor, pretty much his standard performance for us week in, week out. Average and ordinary across the whole team. Campbell should have had a brace, so arguably, you might say we should never have lost.

That January injection of new blood can't come along soon enough.

17 points. 6 more available now. Giving us a potential 23 points. Ah, the number twenty-three. My dear old friend. I see this number everywhere. If we end up on 23, it means we beat my original forecast by one point. The irony being that my original forecast was one of negativity.

Fulham at home on boxing day. Must win.

Challenge Spurs™ - Beware the Abyss

Challenge Spurs™

Game 10 v (A) Newcastle Utd
Total points: 19
Position: 15th

Hutton, Modric, Lennon, Jenas, Woodgate, King, Bent and Gio. All unavailable for tomorrows game at St James Park against England's biggest club side, Newcastle United.

I'm cacking it. The Premier League this season is one chaotic mess, from 7th spot all the way down to the bottom. After Saturday afternoon's results, it West Ham beat Villa and we lose tomorrow (and City beat WBA), we go 3rd from bottom. Back into the mire. Not that it matters if we win the next game, because the future of the 2008 season will consist of 10 or so clubs swapping positions and moving upwards and downwards. There is no let up and thus no sign of anyone pulling away into certain saftey.

WBA are doomed. Blackburn will recover now they have tactical genius Big Sam at the helm, which means that once The Dirty Dozen run of games in Challenge Spurs™ is done and dusted, I get this distinict feeling that I'll have to follow it up with another set of 12 games. But I no longer have my worried hat on. I know Owen will be inspired tomorrow, playing for the January window, and if we do end up as depleted as it looks, we could be in for one of those usual calamties performances up there in the black and white ocean of ear-bleeding noise and scarf holding.

The again, backs up against it, I fancy Harry to maybe get one over Kinnear. Three points would be wonderful.

Modric and Lennon out (not yet confirmed) would be depressing. Bent is recovering from illness (something I managed to completely forget, hence his redundant inclusion in my Yahoo dream team). Woodgate might be back for Fulham, King is King and might not be back till the New Year. We seem to be playing all the teams around us at the moment, so the faster the Jan window opens up, the better. We need, to quote Harry 'proper players'.

My prediciton? We'll pull away from the mire, but its gonna be sticky for a few more games.

Challenge Spurs™ - Nuts to you Berbatov

Challenge Spurs™

Game 09 v (H) Manchester United
0-0, draw
Total points: 19
Position: 15th

As far as 0-0 draws go, this wasn't too shabby a game.

Atmosphere was better than recent home games too (even if Utd were fairly quiet possibly due to their reduced allocation for their insistent standing at away games - which is ridiculous - let away fans stand, leave us with an ounce of joy at the very least as you seem hell bent to take everything else from us), thanks largely to the return of Dimitar Berbatov, who looked out of sorts.

Though arguably that best describes Man Utd's away form this season. Loads of classy touches and movement, but no cutting edge when it matters. We lost Woodgate to injury early on, which meant Corluka slotted into centre-back next to awesome Dawson (King failed a fitness test, which was no great surprise). Our midfield general under-achiever (see what I did there?), Zokora, went to right-back to handle Ronaldo.

Huddlestone, came on for Woody, and into centre midfield. This type of re-shuffle usually has me crying hysterically. But things turned out fine, even with the wishfully avoidable depletion. Utd had plenty of possession but efforts on goal were shared between both teams. Look, I suck at writing up match reviews and there's no point in going into any great analytical detail because you were either at the game, watched it on Match of the Day or read it about it in the papers (not that the latter is any good for unbiased reporting).

So here's some thoughts in no particular order:

Zokora was a revelation. He looks so much better at right-back than he does in midfield, probably because the responsibility of looking after that flank is a far easier concept to handle than attempting to boss the middle of the park. I'd say he kept Ronaldo pretty quiet, but it's a far easier job when the Portuguese winger only half turns up for games nowadays. Blatantly trying to make it easy for Fergie to sell him off come the summer. Petulant little c*nt kicked out (ala Beckham, World Cup) but as our refs don't follow anything to the letter, preferring to translate the rules as they see fit depending on how bad of a day they are having, didn't give so much as a yellow card for it. Not that Dawson complained or dropped like a sack of potatoes. Maybe he should of. Earlier today the FA said they would take no action as the ref said had he seen the incident he would not have sent off Ronaldo. How fucking gracious of him.

As for Daws, he played a blinder. And Corluka continues to impress with each passing game. The same can't be said about our Russian centre-forward, Pav. Struggled in a big way to find space, hold onto the ball, do anything. 4-5-1 does seem to work for us, but Pav isn't the type of player who's made for being up front on his own. When Bent came on, nothing much changed. Modric playing just behind the forward also needs some form of tweaking, or just patience till Luka starts scoring goals. If you have a midfielder playing as the more forward player other than the lone centre-forward, then you need him scoring goals too.

He had an ok day on Saturday, nothing special. One or two mis-placed balls, which was more down to a lack of understanding than anything else . If we still had Berbatov or a player of his ilk, we would be LOL'ing at the havoc we would create upfront. Modric wouldn't have to concern himself, he'd just play the ball into the space and the Berba-ilk player would instinctively run onto the ball to receive it, unlike his second level team-mates. Oh yes I know, if if if if. Whether 'arry brings in another forward is anyone's guess.

Whispers suggest Heskey or Crouch. No, that's Heskey or Crouch, where did I say Arshavin exactly? Heskey/Crouch would hold the ball up, which would mean the midfield (Luka included) could push forward further. Modric did have a couple of worthy efforts - flying through the air like a salmon (thanks to Michael McIntyre for the half-time comedy randomness) - but his header not finding the target. And all from a wonderful Zokora cross (it's the right-back position, its magic).

He also had a dipping shot that took an ever so slight deflection. For now, Bent and Pav is all we have (Campbell is injured and isn't - for obvious reasons - a long term answer) so if they don't play together, and we stick with the 4-5-1, then Harry has to work on how we can make it work. Pav, to be fair, looks knackered having played in the summer for Russia and also 5 months of a league season before joining us. His biggest contribution was for Utd, when he got in the way of a Huddlestone pile-driver.

One rumour from Russia was that Ramos had inquired about him for Madrid, on a loan deal. Doubtful. Lennon had a great run and shot at goal. Was pretty lively, but at times came up second best to Rafael (who looks like that kid from Heroes). Bentley again failed to impress, apart from a volley from nothing moment (easily dealt with, but hey, it looked greeeeeeeeat on tv) and a free-kick which could have sneaked in, but van der Sar was equal to it. Other than that, still playing from memory.

Ekotto? Impressive. Not perfect by a long shot, but does the job well enough. Quietly consistent at the moment.

Gomes was superb. When called upon, he saved well. Very well. No signs of the dodgy keeper from recent weeks. Great save from a free-kick late on. As for the returning Berbatov, I almost fainted when I saw him chasing down a ball and tracking back to defend corners. Amazing stuff. He had one great chance, but Dawson foiled him at the last second before he had the chance to pull the trigger.

Other than that, and the usual slick touches, he wasn't at his best. Only one downer was Woodgate's injury (original rumour was he had to see a specialist (having been rushed to hospital), but according to the latest reports he is fine but will miss a game or two at the most) and Jenas has torn his calf muscle and will be out for 'months'. I know, that's two. But I did say 'only one'.

Still unbeaten against Top 4 opposition this season. Shame we lost to Sunderland, Stoke and Hull. Newcastle up next. In-form Newcastle. Another away day trip to a place where we historically get nothing.

Expect plenty of goals.

Challenge Spurs™ - The Return of the Sulk

Challenge Spurs™

Game 09 v (H) Manchester United
Total points: 18
Position: 15th

Let's get straight to the point. Dimitar Berbatov is a class act on the pitch. He possesses sublime skill, touch and vision and can score goals of wonder and help craft chances out of nothing for his team-mates. World-class? Possibly. Very much (was) the nearest thing we've had to a world-class player at Spurs since Jurgen. Off the pitch, the impression he gives is of a simple man who simply wants to play football for the sake of football and not for money, much preferring the quiet life feeding squirrels in the garden than night-clubbing and pulling birds. The reality is a little different. Silent and moody and calculated. We all know what happened with his unwillingness to play two Spurs games, practically threatening to go on strike to help engineer a move to Manchester United.

For all of his elegance on the pitch, the man is a slime-ball off it. A childish spoilt brat of a sulk.

At his dream club, he hasn't exactly set the world on fire with his goal ratio. Much like Robbie Keane, when you leave your comfort zone, the adjustment period can take a while to set which means having to wait before reclaiming past form. Berbatov will be more than content where he is regardless. He is a first team regular. His return to White Hart Lane on Saturday is likely to result with him facing monumental abuse. Which he'll probably respond with by scoring a goal and setting up another. Carrick on the other hand will probably get applause.

I don't expect us to beat Manchester United. They rested most of their players on Wednesday night for their Champions League game. Chelsea have a home game against West Ham, so Utd simply cannot afford to slip up. And as for us, we've not been that great even with all our recent wins. Plucky and lucky against Liverpool, we've need the same type of game to get that type of result off Utd. But they have been a little out of sorts away from home this season so maybe, just maybe, a minor-miracle can occur. Historically, they don't against Fergies lot, so best to expect nothing from this one and be happy with a point if we get one.

No Rooney. No Evra. Apparently no Ronaldo. So we might see the eager to please Tevev start. We'll no doubt have Jenas and Zokora in the team. Zokora, currently rejuvenated and linked with a move to Real Madrid. I kid you not. That's the standard of journalism in this country at the minute. I'm sure you broke a rib laughing your arse off yesterday reading about how Ramos wants to sign Lennon and Bentley.

Riiiight. Bentley? The same player who quite obviously disliked Ramos and was indirectly/directly vocal about it? That Bentley? Unbelievable how a newspaper editor can validate such bullshit and be happy with it going to print. When you consider the players that Madrid do have and the spending power that posesses, Spurs players will be nowhere on the list of proposed targets. Arshavin, the player we wouldn't pay the extra few million for, is also linked to Madrid (although that was more of the usual pre-game mind-games Madrid plays with Zenit). But worth noting that had we not spunked £16M on Bentley, we would have got the Russian playmaker, no trouble. No Comolli, so over to Levy for the regrets.

Gareth Bale (didn't play against West Ham = we won) should be locked up in a vault until the final whistle. Lennon should be allowed to swap flanks and be told to run at the full-backs insistently. Modric, God bless him, should be given the key to free-roam as he will be the key to us getting anywhere hitting something on target. Bent and Pav upfront - no 4-5-1 thank you very much.

As for King. I've already sacrificed a Cockerel in the name of the footballing Gods, to help aid his recovery in time for selection.

We may as well go for it. Out of the remaining Dirty Dozen games, this is one which most wouldn't frown upon if we lost. We came so close to winning it last year, so that minor-miracle I mentioned earlier might not be too far-fetched of a dream.

We are currently unbeaten against the Cartel (Chelsea - D / Arsenal - D / Liverpool - W) so who knows. No doubt the presence of Berbatov will rile up the home fans and have the Utd following goad us about it. It's going to be tasty. But there is no room for mistakes, either at the back or when presented with a golden opportunity.

As for Berba. Give him what for. You wouldn't smile and say 'Hello, how you doing?' to an ex-girlfriend who dumped you for some bloke with a bigger cock, would you?


Prediction: Not good

Challenge Spurs™ - Long live the King

Challenge Spurs™ Series

Game 08 v (A) West Ham United
2-0 win, 3 points
Total points: 18
Position: 15th


Julian Dicks, Tony Cottee, Billy Bonds, Frank Lampard Senior, Danny Dyer, Russell Brand, Ray Winstone, The Krays, Phil and Grant, Jellied Eels, Burberry, Lego castles, Knees up mother brown, Dick van Dyke, Nigel Winterburn, Scott Parker, Green Street, lasagne, Carlito Tevez, The Academy of Football, Frodo Baggins....can you hear me Frodo Baggins? Your boys took one hell of a beating! Your boys took one hell of a beating!

*Cough*

Not the greatest London Derby ever. Ranks somewhere between average and ordinary. But a win is a win is a win, right? New improved Spurs can lose a game, and then follow it up with an away win. Something all too difficult for so many transitional Lilywhite sides in the past 10 years. Not that this is the dawn of a new age or anything spectacular. Living simply in the present, survival (dramatic word right there) is still paramount. We know, and so does everyone else, that we will not get relegated because there are other teams with next to little hope of getting out of their current predicaments. Harry Redknapp is no longer available. But glad to see the likes of Woodgate still refer to a 'relegation battle'.

That type of self-awareness and respect for our current situation helps satisfy any questions about the mentality of the squad. They know its far from done and dusted and that type of attitude will see us fine. Christ knows what the attitude was when Ramos was in charge, although the blame could be split 50/50 with the players. Juande was today appointed the new Madrid boss (for anyone who has not been paying attention). Sideways step there for the Special Juan.

Nothing sideways about Spurs at Upton Park. At least by the end of the game there wasn't. Pretty non-descript first half. West Ham pretty in possession but fuck all else. Zola attempting to get his players to play Italian style. Someone needs a word in his ear that you need quality players to get away with that type of football.

Spurs with the better chances (Pav hitting the post being the closest we got). Second half, we were resolute and determined. And simply better in every way in comparison to the little team from Green Street. Aaron 'I really do have some end product' Lennon crossing for Ledley 'my knee is knackered but I'm still better than most' King who duly headed the ball downwards into the ground and over the despairing reach of Rob Green. The second goal came from a counter after Gomes brilliantly saved twice (first save was good, second was actually down to the ball being struck straight at him by DiMichele, but let's just reveal in the moment) and off down the other end of the pitch we went where O'Hara hit a sweet shot giving Green no chance for the second time in the game.

Average, ordinary game? Yes. Only one team ever likely to win it? Yes. Harry keeps up his 100% winning record when returning to West Ham. And we move up to 15th, above West Ham, who have spent the best part of this season laughing at our plight. That irony is a right bastard. Proper in-your-face c*nt.

Why so serious?

General observations from the game:

Pav. Played upfront on his own, didn't hold up the ball that well but you could argue that hoofing the ball to him isn't the cleverest of things tactically. He's a bit slow which became more than apparent when the pacey Bent came on. Much better suited in a 4-4-2 where he is more likely to cause a bit of havoc 'running around' alongside Darren.

Lennon and Corluka owning their side of the pitch. Some decent flank play from the pair of them. Lennon beginning to prove he ain't no one trick bling pony. And Corluka proving he was a very astute buy. Who bought him again? *blush*. Defence played very well and dealt with everything that Cole and Bellamy throw at them. Although I could deal with those two myself. Bellamy looks shot to pieces. Cole is all heart no skill.

When West Ham did manage to get a shot on target, reborn of confidence, Gomes, smiled and collected the ball. Comfortable. Talking of 'shot to pieces', Bentley is...shot to pieces. Here is a player who fancies himself a bit. There's nothing wrong in that. Beckham, in a very understated way, fancied himself. Ronaldo, in the most obvious way, fancies the fuck out of himself. But both have a right to because they are great players. Bentley is at best a very good player, but not the most consistent and definitely nowhere near being great. So what we have is a £16M player who is trying to play from memory of how a great player should be playing. Harry needs a blatant word in his ear. I'd personally slap him across the face and shave his head. He needs to start bringing it and starting with the basics (simple passing, set pieces that deliver) will do just fine for us.

West Ham's new academy players did little to impress

As for Jenas. The enigma is just that. Did he play well? Did he play ok? Did he play poorly? What does he do? What does he bring to the team? I don't know anymore. No matter what, if fit, he seems to play. Do we miss something the manager(s) sees? Much like Carrick, Jenas has qualities that some of us fail to appreciate from the stands. The donkey work and unsexy running around. And the qualities he does have (bursting from midfield, box-to-box energy) is not always on show. He goes missing. Sometimes he shows up. Sometimes he tackles. Sometimes he's invisible. Nobody has come close to taking this young man and instilling arrogant confidence and awareness in his abilities.

Redknapp has a lot of work to sort out both Jermaine and David. The luxury of another £16M Comolli signing to dull over the pain will not be forthcoming.Talking of Comolli signings...Zokora. Shocking, utterly shocking. He played reasonably well. Even gave us one of his trademark runs and shots, this time hitting the shot on target.Yeah, I know, it happened because I saw it and there were cameras there and it was on tv, so screw you if you think I'm making this up. I'll keep you posted on any random drug tests that may have been conducted after the game. Because seriously, bizarro world or what? His pace is staggering at times and if its somehow possible to improve his decisio making a little, his performances may even continue to improve. Smile on his face, heart on sleeve, Didier is enjoying his football and has a willingness that others have (and some still) lack. But before you get a tattoo of his face on your back, let's remember that his passing ability is poor and is one-footed.

Carlton...Cole....I can't look away.....help me...

And then we have Modric. I predicted we would win if he played. Minute or so in, and he should have scored. Bit rusty, didn't strike his shot with any venom or placement. Tame effort at the keeper. But no problem. He was different class to anyone out on the pitch (yes, we know that's probably not saying much). Luka is a quality player who has taken a while to adjust to life in the Prem, which was always going to be the case. He's poor form in the early part of the season was mainly due to the disaster of a start we had. Now the team is winning games (9 out of 12) and he has some protection and team-mates who work as a cohesive unit, he is free to roam and playmake. He has yet to score for us, but his vision, touch and movement is just as important. Without him, we can't keep hold of the ball. With him? Possessions nine tenths of the law. He is our new Berbatov. Smaller, no floppy hair and moody face. No goals, but enough creative spark to see us have a possible 'world class' player to fill the void left by the Bulgarian. Give him another 3-4 months and with Pav hopefully settled to London life - we'll have more than enough to smile about.

King was his majestic self. Cameo performances seem to be what we are limited to nowadays. Harry after the game spoke about how Ledders is a great lad and its shame about his knee. It was a little bit of a downer. Almost felt like Harry was telling us that Ledley will never recover from his knee problems so over time (another season or two?) he might play fewer and fewer games and retirement will be the only option. Where do you find another King from? Uncertain about his availability for Saturday. Fingers crossed.

As for our opponents. Toothless. Lacked any passion, much like the atmosphere in parts. For all their hype about how important this game is for their fans ("Everyone in the dressing room is now raring to go against Tottenham on Monday night. It is the biggest match of the season for our fans and we all know what it means for us to get a result over our London rivals. We will be going all out to try and achieve that" - Lucas Neill) they hardly showed any of that spirit in the 90 minutes that matter the most. Their midfield was poor. One win in ten? Oh well. Being below us is their rightful place, no? That way when they do go above us, they can pop the champers again and celebrate like its 1999.

West Ham's norty mob, in their manner

If any Spurs fan wants to mass-email the league table along with a quote or three from any number of messages received about 4 weeks back - including photos of road signs and jokes about triangles, please feel free to do so. It's a give and take world we live in. So make sure you fucking well give it.


Challenge Spurs™ - Stats Update

8 Played.
5 wins.
1 draw.
2 defeats.

16 points.

4 games left in the Challenge Spurs™ Dirty Dozen series. When I started this, the challenge was as follows:

• 30 points minimum by January 1st
• 12 games
• 6 at home
• 6 away
• 36 possible points

If we win the final four games, we'll have 28 points in total from these 12 games, plus the two points we started with, giving us 30 points. At the time, based on our position and what was happening around us, it was very much a do or die (where have I heard that before?) conundrum. 30 points from 36 is European-challenging form, so it was a huge ask. If we write off Saturdays game against Utd, and say we win the final 3 games, that will give us 25 points from the series, and a total of 27. And with the table the way it is, that should see us with plenty of breathing space (not mathematically impossible to get dragged back into it, but far more of a comfort zone for us).

For now, tilt the head ever so slight upwards to stop the nosebleed.

Challenge Spurs™ - Monday Night Cup Final

It's been a while since I quoted some stats from the Beeb, so here we go:

Harry Redknapp takes his new Tottenham charges to West Ham, hoping they will retain a 100% record for him. The 61 year old has won every Premier League game at Upton Park as an opposing manager since leaving the Hammers, where he was in charge for seven years from August 1994 to May 2001. Portsmouth won there 2-4 in March 2006, 1-2 on Boxing Day 2006 and 0-1 on 8 April this year.

Spurs, who are on course to retain the Carling Cup, need a victory to draw level with West Ham on points, but they're yet to win a London Premier League derby this season.

Gianfranco Zola's Hammers have followed a six-match winless run, with five points out of nine, a three game spell in which as many clean sheets have been kept.

This being Spurs, you can throw out omens and previous history, as nothing is ever certain when we clash with the 'ammers. And with 'arrys return adding an extra spark to the game (for their fans) I'm sure this will be anything but boring. After the disappoint of losing to Everton at home, and with Utd next weekend, 3 points is imperative™. Losing to them is probably on par with losing to Fulham. An annoyance. And its something best avoided considering we are just above (or arguably in) the mire.

12 miles apart geographically, but I've always fancied Chelsea, Arsenal and even Leeds more when it comes to hatred. Their insistent obsession with us is all abit stalkerish (they seem to hate us, like Arsenal, support West Ham in that order).

I know certain minorities from both sides like a rumble now and again, smashing up pubs at 6am, but I've always liked their players/teams and style of play. But I get it, if you lived in the vicinity and supported Spurs, then you'll have grown up surrounded by West Ham fans, so I can see how some of our fans hate them as much as Arsenal.

Meet any Hammer and they will tell you Spurs are not a big club - sure, we're not, but we're still a bigger club than West Ham - which I guess is what they dislike hearing. They seem to discount the fact they yo-yo between divisions, never win anything and brag on about how they finished above us that one season. Trevor Brooking header aside (my earliest footballing memory was celebrating the goal in the back garden), they won the World Cup (or maybe that was a Russian?).

Their finest recent moment was stopping us from getting to the Champions League. But I've always found that I get more defensive when Arsenal fans bring that up rather than a Claret and Blue. I do know that some Spurs fans hate losing to them, much like Man Utd hated losing to Southampton away many years ago.

WHU v Spurs is the biggest fixture in their calender, which is why they paint their faces and sing 'Bubbles' with so much more intent when we visit Upton Park. But fucking 'ell, leave us alone. We've had to contend with Chelseas love for just as long, and the itensity when we play them is far greater than when we play the Hammers. Also, a horrible little place to visit, with the over zealous police and foul-mouthed fans.

Modric plays, we win. If he doesn't, its a draw or something Fulhamesque, which will result in much open bus parade and street parties I'm sure.

Will Harry keep up his 100% record?
Will Spurs manage to win a London Derby?
Will Zola's inform Hammers hammer Harry?

If it breaks their lickle hearts to lose to us, then I'm more than happy for them to get spanked. Tune in Monday.

Challenge Spurs™ - Redknapp Out

Challenge Spurs™ Series

Game 07 v (H) Everton
1-0 Loss, 0 points
Total points: 15
Position: 16th (level on points with 18th)
Still in the mire

So much for my 2-1 home win prediction. Not a great result and more than a tad frustrating that we failed to get onto the score sheet. 2nd defeat in 10 for Redknapp. We stay stuck to 16th place and still very much in the relegation mix. West Ham up next. Ominous, ominous, ominous. More or less proves that we've improved since his arrival, but not improved sufficiently enough.

Bale made his 18th Prem League appearance this afternoon. Very late on mind, so we can't lay the blame on him. 3rd successive Everton win at Spurs now. Whatever happened to the days it was a given 3 points for the Lilywhites against the Toffeemen? Whatever happened to the days that David Bentley could deliver a set piece to the head or feet of a team-mate? Santa, are you listening? At least Gomes looks like he is on the road to full confidence recovery.

Everton, bless 'em, deserved the points just for getting the ball past our keeper. Otherwise was pretty much an even game. Deflected goal (from Piennar off Corulka, Gomes no chance) won it for them. They did a proper away-day job on us, and for once, lady luck looked the other way. Howard saving from Pav. One or two other half chances aside, can't complain too much. Didn't do enough. Other than hoping for the return of Modric, Harry has to get this team to work at full pelt otherwise the Hammers (in their seasonal Cup Final) will get all plucky and three-pointy against us) and Utd will win comfortably (even with no Ronaldo thanks to his derby day red card). The midfield today just couldn't out-work organised Everton, much like Fulham out-worked us too.

Maybe can bin this defeat as 'one of those days' and just move onto the next game, positvely.

Level on points now with Sunderland who are 18th. Win next time out is imperative if we are going to get these Dirty Dozen games back onto a winning path.

Challenge Spurs™ - It's a Grand Old Game

Everton at home on Sunday. We'll have to improve on the Blackburn performance although not by much judging by their loss at Wigan last time out.

With West Ham away and Man Utd at home to follow, we need to avoid a dip in our fortunes and get at least 6 points (7 would be nice) out of the next 3 games. Yes, I'm thinking Utd (and Berbatov) will do us over like they always do every sodding season.

13 points thus far. Another 15 or so would do me fine. Modric is still out, which is my main concern. Huddlestone needs to step up and continue his good form and Lennon has to keep on tearing the opposition a new one. I know how to talk up a match, don't I?

Traditionally, we've always tonked Everton or done fairly well at the Lane, but not last time out so here's to Bent re-discovering his goal-scoring (he's on a drought at the minute) and Pav continuing his rich form.

We've yet to havea block-buster Prem performance. I'm getting greedy I know, but would like to see us dominate and boss and bully a team, and take them apart. Would I be stretching the electisity of hope if I also asked for Bentley to put in a good performance?

I'm going for a 2-1 win for us. Not total football. Loads of effort and the odd scary moment, but we'll do just about enough to get the points.

Challenge Spurs™ - I really really love Sky Sports, I really do

We won. 1-0. Pav with another goal (that's 6 in 9 now). Great first half performance, but couldn't score that second which would have made it just a little bit less of a 'Oh God please no last minute equaliser' type of afternoon.

Second half, with Rovers down to 10 men was still fairly comfortable thanks to their inability to push forward and apply any type of pressure. Lennon, was in cracking form. Hasn't just put in pacey performances here and there this season, he's actually playing decently week in week out. Another reason to pat Harry Redknapp on the back.

Out of the bottom three, for the second time, and up to the giddy heights of 14th. Nosebleeds all round.

Now the match review is out of the way, let's get down to the business of ironic cheering and Sky Sports who pride themselves on hype and bullshit. See, a game of football is never enough for them. They have to take something and turn it into something else and do their best to make sure it builds a nice bit of momentum so that Sky Sports News have something to talk about every 30 minutes. Although (ironically) we have ourselves to blame for cheering in this manner in the first place, thus given them opportunity to run with it.

Spurs fans cheered with smiles on their faces every time Gomes got hold of the ball without a fumble or flap in sight. Now usually, ironic cheers like these are kept for the visit of David James. These type of cheers are blatantly tongue-in-cheek piss-takes. Because for all of James ability to drop a clanger, he can pull a mighty fine world-class save out of the bag. And we know it. Much like he knows it. There's no argument that these type of cheers are of an ironic nature. And YES, its not the cleverest thing for Spurs fans to do the same thing for their own keeper, because of the way it will be misconstrued.

However, to suggest Spurs fans this afternoon were cynical or negative to Gomes is mountain out of a mole hill ridiculous. That includes you Harry (who mentioned it in a post-match interview). Abusive language and booing is far worse than ironic cheering. And I'll prove it to you.

Back to the suggestion that this form of pisstaking is moral draining is it of the same level as the the Sky Sports Soccer Saturday panel do when they laugh and giggle and make jokes at Gomes expense? If Spurs fans 'hated' Gomes or did not want him in the side they would boo and shout abuse whenever he got the ball, not cheer or sing his name or applaud him - all things that Sky prefer not to mention because if they do, there's no story to be told.

People who publish photos on the back pages of the papers with clever and witty headlines, ridiculing a man for millions of people to read about is something I'd wager more likely to hit his confidence than a few hundred people cheering at a game.

Touched upon it a moment ago, but no mention of the same Spurs fans singing 'We love you Gomes, we do'. Why? Was this an editorial decision to make Spurs fans look bad? How about a news item on the constant booing the Arsenal home fans dish out to their own players. Or are they being ironic?

[ repeating myself ] Ironically cheering an opposition keeper for simple ball handling is what it is - a piss take. [ / repeating myself ]. When you do it to your own, its not the brightest of ideas even when meant in good-humour. But its far from being devastating. Much like Spurs fans singing 'England's Number One' to Robbo last year when he was complete shit. Surely that could be deemed ironic too? No? Robinson appreciated it, much like the positive applause he got from us today (he throw his gloves into the Spurs crowd......on purpose, they didn't slip off his hands).

For every Gomes fuck-up, he's made 3 or 4 great great saves. Doesn't excuse his fuck-ups, but one or two media hacks should concentrate on the facts rather than soap opera sub-plots. That includes Match of the Day 2 this evening.

Facts?

We sang his name.
He acknowledged us at the start of both the first and second halves of the game, during the game and after it when he APPLAUDED THE FANS.
The fans behind both goals stood up and applauded him.
He even managed a 'thank you' in our direction and was the last Spurs player off the field at the end of the game, having celebrated the three points with the home faithful.

This is Spurs AND Gomes sticking a middle finger up to the armchair pretty-boys and shaved-gorilla(s). I'd say its best next time to leave out the irony, but it was clear to anyone with their eyes and ears open that Gomes was just fine, got over his early mishap missing the ball completely and grow stronger in confidence as the game progressed.

So, fuck you Sky Sports.

And now back to Challenge Spurs™.

13 points in the bag now, halfway through the Dirty Dozen. Still part of the yo-yo that is 20th - 11th, and currently sitting in at 15th spot. Home win next weekend is once again imperative. But can't argue with our current form, even if we are still way way off playing at full capacity. And talk of Europe is still not acceptable.

Everton at the Lane next.

Challenge Spurs™ - The Kings of Calamity

Welcome back Paul Robinson. Cult figure at the Lane? First few season he was undeniably a crowd favourite. Long term contract, England's number one. Helping to gloss over his weakness were those shot-stopping television saves and a confident Spurs defence. Take away decent form from the team, and the cracks were suddenly more transparent. Do you drop a keeper who drops clangers every week to try and help him rebuild confidence with a gentle kick up the bum in the reserves or do you perceive until his form changes for the better? Robbo, from that air-kick in Croatia to countless conceded goals from distance, saw him go from a big smiling personality to a broken desperate caricature of what once was a certainty that he would be Spurs for a decade.

We never dropped him. His form got worse. And much like the loyalty players 'in-form' don't show to clubs like Spurs when they manoeuvre themselves to Old Trafford, we shifted him out of the club. The irony of replacing him with Gomes and then not dropping Gomes for his current form, is once more wonderfully ironic.

So, expect hilarity of world class proposition on Sunday afternoon, unless 'arry surprises us all with a selection that includes Alnwick or Cesar. King, Woodgate, Jenas and Bale should all be fit and ready for this. Did you shudder when I mentioned Bale?

After the poor showing at Craven Cottage, tomorrow has to be a carnival or electric football, one touch push and run. I'll take a 1-0 scrappy win at this point. Need maximium points from the next three games before we entertain Man Utd and welcome back Berbatov to the Lane.

It's one of those season where I don't think a team in our position (20th - 7th) will be free of the teams around us. Same for all of us in this grouping. You need to win maybe 5-6 games on the trot to start feeling confident of dropping points in successive games. Drop points in successive games at the minute, and you might just find yourselves rock bottom again.

Prediction: 3-1 Spurs.

Challenge Spurs™ - The Bale jinx must Go-mes

Challenge Spurs™ Series

Game 05 v (A) Fulham
2-1 Loss, 0 points
Total points: 12
Position: 19th
1 point from safety

I'm glad Harry Redknapp is still talking publicly about a 'relegation battle' as a reminder is needed for the players who decided to believe their own hype and take their eyes off the ball momentarily (figure of speech) to see us lose at Fulham. Yes, it was sort of expected that we would drop all 3 points there because traditionally that's exactly what happens, but I'm still disappointed that we didn't buck the trend a little. A draw and a few wins doesn't mean we are suddenly up and running because its fine giving it some against the likes of Arsenal and Liverpool, but its the bread and butter of the teams around us that need to be polished off with more intent and effort than Saturdays mediocre outing.



Bale played, we lost. Again. Poor lad needs to make an appearance when we are 3-0 up with 1 minute to go. Gomes, with yet another match-losing howler. Words escape me for the hilarity of the situation. A £9M legacy from the exceptional Comolli that will continue to haunt. Is Cesar not an option? This same scenario is reminiscent of the Paul Robinson saga which saw us keep the faith with him until no confidence or ability was left in him to do the basics right.

Drop him. Let him retain some kind of integrity as he re-builds his composure. Unless of course, what we see is what he does week in week out. Which in that case, let's just hope he doesn't cost us too many points before the Jan window re-opens. Arguably, on the flip side, he produced some amazing saves. Conundrum is our Gomes. As for Bale. Shocking again.

And the rest? Apart from maybe Modric (who left the field of play with an injury) the rest were average, making Fulham look far better than they actually are.

Onwards and upwards please.

Challenge Spurs™ - Breaking the jinx

Game 05 v (A) Fulham
Total points: 12
Position: 16th

I think we've managed to win just once in 7 or so Prem visits to Craven Cottage. It's a bit of a jinxy place for us, which has seen us either drop points in the last minute or simply get out played from the off. I'm sure Fulham will get at us, and swing the corners and crosses in hoping for some Gomes flapping to help them get their noses in front. I think this game is going to be a test for us, playing a team that is quite obviously not within a light year of Arsenal or Liverpool. Our rejuvenated lot have to turn up for these games too. Considering the amount of points lost to the lickle clubs, I'd say 3 points tomorrow is vital. Don't want to be sitting bottom again by quarter to five.


The squad for tomorrow?

Tottenham: Gomes, Cesar, Hutton, Bale, Gunter, Dawson, Woodgate, Corluka, O'Hara, Zokora, Bentley, Huddlestone, Jenas, Gilberto, Modric, Bostock, Dervite, Lennon, Bent, Campbell, Pavlyuchenko, Stalteri, Rocha, Taarabt, Boateng, Ghaly, Assou-Ekotto.

OH NOES! Ekotto is back. Don't think we'll see too many changes from our last Prem game up at Eastlands. Modric, Bentley, Bent and co all return. King should partner Woodgate.

As for Fulham, they have enough in the way of irritating players that tend to do ok against us. Zamora, Johnson, Murphy etc. And Bullard puts himself about, so all eyes on our centre-midfield. Its the type of team (Hull, Stoke, Wigan) that we've struggled against. I know it's all pre-'arry, but our winning run can't go on forever. I thought City away was the banana skin. Will Fulham break our hearts again?

Prediction: 2-1 Spurs

Challenge Spurs™ - Another day, another win

Challenge Spurs™ Series

Game 04 v (A) Manchester City
2-1 win, 3 points
Total points: 12
Position: 16th
'Out of the bottom three'





















It was meant to be tricky. Bolton, Arsenal, Liverpool and City. Four daunting games for a sorry Spurs team with no confidence, direction or sense of balance. Yet Harry Redknapp's honeymoon period seems to be going longer than a groom on a triple dose of Viagra. Four games, 10 points. Just two points dropped.

Modric given the freedom to express himself, tucked behind the front man but roaming all over the shop. Bent re-discovering his goal-scoring form. He suddenly looks a bit good. Humble pie all round?

So Spurs, a proper team now, keeping possession and playing with confidence. Coming back from one down to win - away. Its dizzying stuff. Manchester City, consistently inconsistent. Hughes blaming the ref and the wet ground, otherwise they would have won comfortably. Keep on believing Sparky, just keep on believing.

Sure, today we were a little casual at times, and with City down to 9 men (thanks to red cards and that wonderful referee) we should have been a little more comfortable going into the final ten minutes. Assou-Ekotto also saw red for us, but arguably not having him on the pitch was an advantage. Maybe we can make it a double and ask Zokora to lunge in with two feet next time. Or perhaps, and I know this is revolutionary in thought, we could look at not starting either of them.

So, great start to the game, tidy football and Modric coming close. Only then to go 1-0 down. Ekotto forgetting his positional responsibilities and Robinho netting after Gomes could only parry the ball. Bit messy.

Fernandes then gets sent off for a second bookable offence, and not long after Bent runs onto the ball after Dunne drunkly allowed the ball to whizz past him. Bent made no mistake, 1-1. The second was created by the returning Jenas, chesting the ball and laying it off for Bent (all from an inital Huddlestone pass). Bent brace. Glory! Dunn then sent off for taking Bent down (who was clean through) then Ekotto picked up a red card for a clumsy foul on Zabaleta.

For animated picture footage, just watch MoTD2 for the obligatory 2 minute Spurs footage and analyisis.

I'm not going to put on my '6th spot isn't that far away' hat on just yet. Any club sitting between 20th and 5th spot can get into Europe or be relegated. Exciting stuff. Lose next week, and we could be bottom again. Win, and it wil be our best run of league form since quite a while. So onwards to the next four games of the Dirty Dozen run of fixtures:

(A) Fulham - Hoping for 3
(H) Blackburn - Hoping for 3
(H) Everton - Possible draw, thus 1
(A) West Ham United - Hoping for 3

Followed by Man Utd (then Newcastle, Fulham again, then WBA). There's room for a lickle defeat somewhere in amongst those games. Just the one mind. It's looking like a festive happy-go lucky Christmas for the Spurs.

Oh, and no Gareth Bale today either. No Bale = Prem win.

Challenge Spurs™ - Citeh Away

Game 04 v (A) Man City
Total points: 9
Position: 20th
2 points from safety




















Like a 45 year old porn star making her 8th comeback, the Premier League is wide open. Even if Redknapp suffers his first defeat as Spurs manager, the doom and gloom of 3 weeks ago wont be able to muster the strength to rear its ugly head in our direction. We are just 6 points from 7th spot. Now steady on, I'm not waving my Barcelona shirt above my head and whistling the theme from the Champions League. I'm not even going to talk about the possibilities of igniting UEFA Cup qualification from a league position. I'm simply illustrating the fact that as shit as we've been this season, up to the Ramos sacking, we are not superglued to the bottom three. And even the club in 7th place will be looking over her shoulder if results go wrong. Entertainment made in England.

I doubt we can go the full Dirty Dozen fixtures unbeaten, but I'm willing to bet my soul we will be nowhere near the bottom come January. Mid-table will do. Home games will be where we pick up the majority if not all the three-points, so draws away will also do fine. Confidence off and on the pitch best served with a Spanish omelette of despair, just for reminders.

So, with City away on Sunday, anything must just happen. I'm sure it will be a goal-fest. They will no doubt attack attack attack and regardless of their poor form generally over the past few games, they might accept a Gomes flap or two. And as for us, we'll be up for it. This is still the potential banana skin, IMO.

Prediction: 2-2

Challenge Spurs™ - Last gasp robbery

Challenge Spurs™ Series

Game 03 v (H) Liverpool
2-1 win, 3 points
Total points: 9
Position: 18th
2 points from safety




















For a good 60 minutes I was miserable. Cold, wet and frustrated. I doubt nobody will argue the fact that Liverpool are pretty great in possession. Whereas all we could manage was Gomes passing the ball to BAE and BAE passing it back to him. It was just turning out to be one of those games. We were not particularly bad, we just never got going and Liverpool did their very best to make sure we never came anywhere close to it. They dominated the match and could have had a bundle of goals.

It started well for them 3 minutes in with Kuyt smashing the ball in from a Robbie Keane lay-off after some lame defending on our part and they continued in the same vein, almost scoring 4 or 5 times.

I'm sure I wasn't the only one in the ground getting a bit of an itchy feeling that the longer the game went on the better the chance we had of getting something out of it - just because of that ominous feeling that the Reds were a little wasteful.

Harry took off the only two left-footers in the side (BAE and O'Hara) and brought on Hutton and Pavlyuchenko. Although taking off BAE wasn't something I'd argue about considering how dire he was.

As we entered the last half an hour, Spurs began to push a little more forward. More so than the opening 60 minutes. And Liverpool, having removed Keane, began to falter a little. Superb, slick passing - but little in the way of testing Gomes. And when Gomes was tested, he did well (as opposed to his usual theatrics like his pass to nobody that found Keane who played it to Gerrard who hit the top of the bar).

We then got our bit of luck in the form of Jamie Carragher. 3rd goal for Spurs this. Twenty minutes left, and everyone was pretty chuffed. With Stoke beating Arsenal (ha!) and Wigan picking up all points at Pompey, taking all three points suddenly became a possibility, more so out of desperation not to be too far adrift from the safety of 17th place. If Liverpool weren't gonna score a second, then why not us?

And Pav should have made it 2 but somehow managed to blaze it over. But not to worry. Cue the 91st minute and a strike by Bentley that was saved by Reina but not held, allowing Bent to cut the ball back to Pav, who this time slotted it in.

Cue pandemonium in the stands. DVD already in the Spurs shop.

Lucky? Yeah, sure. Reina, was almost as average as Gomes was in parts today. Its usually Liverpool doing this to other teams. I'm more than fucking happy to see us be bossed about for the majority of the game but still win.....and against one of the Cartels. Make that 5 points out of a possible 9 against Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool. That's a pretty tasty stat. For a change.

And as for the Challenge Spurs™ 'Dirty Dozen'. Spurs are making a mockery of my original predictions. 7 points from 9 games - 2 points dropped out of 3 games. Off the bottom, 2 points from safety.

We are obviously still not on the top of our game, but anyone expecting so or criticising our 'luck' is forgetting the misery of the games prior to Harry's arrival. The players have pulled themselves out of a hole. Still more work to be done, but suddenly all talk of going down is secondary to our revival and White Hart Lane has finally rediscovered a bit of personality again.

The fans were in great voice (after we made it 1-1, we woke up). Thankfully the applause for Keane was louder than the boos. The celebrations for Pav's goal were a combination of relief and a bit of 'FUCKING COME ON' which has been a long time coming.

Special mentions to Corluka (at left-back in the second half), Modric who suddenly isn't easy to knock off the ball and has an uncanny ability to receive it and play it off in the tightest of spaces....and as for Pav - he may not be Berbatov, but at least he smiles and celebrates properly. Something Berba didn't quite manager for us against a Top 4 club in the Prem.

And also, well done 'arry. Good half time team talk. Great substitutions. We struggled for a while to pass the ball with decent possession and push forward with it.

Our players persevered. And how refreshing to see Spurs going for it in the final 10 rather than sitting back like Christ knows how many times in the past.

Top (unbeaten since March in the Prem and unbeaten all season) versus bottom (rejuvenated and riding their luck). Three points. Perfect day.

Roll on Citeh.


P.S. Bale doesn't play: We win. EXORCISE HIM.

Challenge Spurs™ - The Return of Robbie Keane

Game 03 v (H) Liverpool
Total points: 6
Position: Still 20th
3 points from safety




















Should be a cracker. I hope. Liverpool top, us lot bottom. Liverpool unbeaten in 17, us unbeaten in 2. Won't be crying if we lose, as long as the progression continues. Another tasty first half performance followed by an even tastier second half will do just fine, and another point will have an extension on the time I'll be keeping the smile on my face.

Modric, may he continue his free-role swagger. And may resident schizophrenic Jenas 'smash them up'. We might even see another cameo from Ledley.

Looking forward to this. And seeing Robbie Keane again. Although best he doesn't get on the score sheet this weekend. I'm going to the match dressed up like a leprechaun with JUDAS printed on the back of the costume.

THIS IS WAR.

2-2, is my prediction. 4 points thus far from a possible 6 in the Dirty Dozen series. Not out of the woods just yet, but looking a bit alright at the minute.