Supernova Darren Bent

There are many unexplained things in the universe. Many of which are beyond the realms of human understanding. We simply do not have the capacity, for example, to understand the concept of what existed before time itself. Not that time exists anyway, as it’s simply a measurement we use to govern the passage of existence from our own perspective. If there was a big bang, what existed (using the concept of time) a second before it happened? Or an hour before? Does one universe expand infinitely forever or does it eventually collapse in on itself and implode, then explode…creating a big bang and the birth of a new universe? Are we the first universe of its kind or are we the result of the millionth big bang? Was there ever a definitive beginning? If there was, then how can the nothingness that existed beforehand be defined?

These unanswered questions do not stop us from completing our mundane schedule of sleep, work, eat, relax, sleep, eat, procreate, sleep, work.....and so on. And by the time human life exhausts itself from existence, the universe probably won’t even know we existed in the first place. We are pretty insignificant - one planet in a universe of billions upon billions of galaxies.

It’s quite probable that there are other planets out there that have allowed for life to evolve. And their version of life may be incomprehensible in comparison to ours in about 1000 different ways - like the mixture of chemicals on their own planet, their conception of time and their rate of evolutionary progression. Billions and billions of planets. Billions of societies. Billions of lives being lived.

And yet out of all the billions in the universe, Planet Earth is the one that manages to birth Darren Ashley Bent. The one and same Bent replacing the injured Carlton Cole in the England squad for this Wednesdays World Cup qualifier against the Ukraine. A cosmic event equivalent to a rock the size of a penny disintegrating in the earth’s atmosphere.

There are probably a billion Darren Bents plotted around the vast expanding space above us (I'm basing that on the assumption that alien planets play competitive sports). Some might even possess an abundance more all-round ability to their game that just having a knack of being in the right place at the right time to witness a ball bounce of a shin and into the net.

But more than likely, they are not too dis-similar to the version we have on this planet.

A lucky star.

Darren - fingers crossed for Wednesday. I hope you come off the bench and score with your bum.

Bent - a-ah - saviour of the universe
Bent - a-ah - he'll save everyone of us
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Bent - a-ah - he's a miracle
Bent - a-ah - king of the impossible

Defoe, Hutton, Pav and Silver: Some random thoughts

I was complaining earlier that there is currently a lull in newsworthy items to comment on. I was wrong. Found another three. Just like the buses, eh? Actually, make it four. Just thought of another one.

Defoe is on his way back to regaining full fitness, which will prove to be interesting with regards to how he'll fit into the team with Robbie Keane (captain) reclaiming his place as darling of the Lane. JD is exactly what we need in the run-in. He'll be hungry and determined to pick up where he left off. But does he partner Robbie up front? Can he partner Robbie? Does Keane go wide and Defoe partner Pav up front? Can anyone say 'here we go again'?

I'd like to see Robbie and JD play together, at least once or twice so we can find out once and for all if its workable. If by some miraculous miracle they'll connect on a different level to the limp ineffective Hobbitesque attempt of yesteryear - then happy days. Don't quite see how it will and also doubt Keane drifting from the wings would work either. As for the idea being laughed about concerning Keane taking a role in midfield and replacing Modric......behave yourselves.

Then there's Pav. He's stated that he's happy at Spurs and doesn't want to move. It's all dependent really on what Harry decides in the summer, but I guess Roman is reacting to one of the daily churned out quoteless made up stories which always seemed to be based on very little of anything. Personally believe we should stick with him. Hasn't scored a lot in the Prem (4 in about 22 I think) which is disappointing, but then it's not like he has been swaggering in a team of swaggering players. Berbatov took a while to adjust. Pav is not of the same quality as the Bulgarian but to dismiss him after a debut season is criminal. It's not like he's struggling ala Rebrov.

I say judge him based on next season. He's a team player, not the strongest or fastest on current assessment, but his movement is good and his finishing in front of goal more than decent. His finishing from further out and some of his decision making (lack of composure too) is where the concern begins to creep in. £14M, Russian International.....surely these qualities should be more apparent? Can I refer to the textbook response of 'he's tired/played 5 months in Russian league before joining us/can't speak the language/still adapting to English culture' etc etc? Which is why we need to be patient and see how he performs next term.

Now some of you are probably picking up a shitty stick and poking me with it along with accompanying eerie chanting:

"Darren Bent...Darren Bent...Darren Bent..."

Yes, yes. Top scorer. But of all the forward players we have, it's practically a certainty he will be the one to leave the club in the summer. Unless we start playing like Charlton, he won't be a success here - even with his decent goal ratio. We saw it, a very simplistic example, against Boro. Pav went off, Bent came on, Spurs struggled with their forward play. The flow disappeared. He doesn't fit in. Scoring goals apologetically is in no way a foundation to build on. Because if there has to be a plan B, he has no way of fitting into it. One dimensional football to appease his selection might produce a tasty goal ratio across several games, but stats aside - it doesn't breed quality team football.

Alan Hutton is also not far off from his return from a long injury lay off. He has a foot injury. Prefer not to dwell on any whispers being made to suggest otherwise. And when he is fit and able (and hopefully not as nervy as he was when he played in the Arsenal away game way back) it will mean we have him, Chimbonda and Gunter for the right back positions. And Corulka. Gunter is out on loan. Corluka works well on the right hand side with Lennon. Pascal has yet to reclaim any decent past form for us and was always a little suspect defensively - but is more than decent offensively. Although you could argue that when he does wonder forward he does so with little regard for the player who is then meant to cover him. Both Shimbo and Charlie can also play central along with King, Woodgate, Dawson. Hutton can only play right-back, the lazy git. You following this so far?

We have substantial cover at the back. There is no doubting that. Over on the left hand side BAE has been very consistent for us and Gareth Bale will hopefully find his way back onto the ladder of progress soon enough and begin to climb it with the hoodoo laying flat on its face at the bottom as the Welsh kid looks down from the top all smiles. Ideally then we could have a back four of:


Hutton - Woody - King - BAE

Or

Hutton - Dawson - Corluka - BAE

Or

Chimbonda - Woody - King - Bale

Or

Corluka - Woody - King - BAE

Or

Hutton - Woody - Corluka - Gunter


I can be doing this musical chairs routine all day long. Best way to just summarise it:

- Chimbonda can not play left-back and should either start at RB or cover a centre-back position if we are desperate

- Corluka is a right-back, but might be the answer in slotting into CB when King is unavailable

- A flying Hutton is a better option than Chimbonda out the right side IMO

- Woody will always start as long as he is 100%

- Gunter is one for the 'future' and will get his chance because Pascal will be due a transfer request a year from now

- BAE is not world-class but has acquired an edge to his game (also don't you just love the way he turns to go one way then turns and runs in the opposite direction? Its the most telegraphed move in football yet works every bleeding time!), and until Bale re-discovers his bite he does a more than decent job for us

Hold up. Oh Christ. I've forgotten to include you know who.

Hutton. Chimbonda. Corluka. Gunter......and Zokora. Add another one to the list. Didier is a better RB than he is a midfielder. Unless someone can define what type of midfielder Zoko actually is, I'll stand by my word. So that makes '5' players who can slot into the spoilt position of the right hand corner of our defence. Insane depth for a bread and butter team position. Seems that every part of the team has either far too much of one thing or too little of the other. I'll get to our midfield issues in another blog article.

Finally, let's finish with Dan Silver. Works for the Daily Mirror. Read this. Insightful stuff. I thought some of my work lacked substance but I do this for free so the standard of content varies depending on alcohol levels. Shame on you Mr Silver. Shame on your editor. Out of interest, who do you support? Let me guess...

Sunderland 1 Spurs 1 - Keane to the rescue

Once upon a time Sunderland were the ones scoring dramatic last minute equalisers to dent Tottenham’s Champions League hopes. Yesterday it was our turn for a late goal to help add to the tally of points that will surely see us safe come the final day of the season.

Loads of possession yesterday, some decent build up play but a quality final ball dinked in was missing for large patches of the game which meant apart from a King effort well saved and Bent ballooning the ball over when one-on-one with the keeper, we did well to stay in the game with Sunderland squandering a few chances of their own. It's refreshing to see us claiming a late goal in our favour for once.

Obviously, we went 1-0 down within a couple of minutes. But considering how often we seem to get bullied away against the more physical teams I can’t complain too much about how we went about our business yesterday after Richardson scored. Boro stood off and let us play football on Wednesday night. There was no chance Sunderland would do the same. They don’t make it easy for anyone up there. And typically, we made it easier for them with our lacklustre start to the game.

Defensively we were not great. And as mentioned, the final ball was not always to the required standard. And although Redknapp exaggerates a little with his ‘we dominated’ assessment, we were good for the point and deservedly got it with Keane’s smart late finish.

I know we have tired legs and Harry has done a good job getting us through the congested fixture list, but playing Chimbonda at left-back was never going to be productive. Hutton is back soon. Would like to see him slot into right-back and Corluka at centre-back and Chimbonda can be used for either RB or CB if required. Let BAE and Bale battle it out for LB. Utility player or not Pascal might be able to slot into the LB position but having no left foot means it’s a bit like asking a eunuch to star in a porn movie. The additional chorus of boos that followed every touch he made didn’t make it a comfortable afternoon for him. Still, he muddled through. Not sure why he wasn’t started at right back and Corluka slotted into left back (he didn’t do too shabby there against Liverpool). Harry did rectify this cometh the 75th minute mark.

Gomes gave us one moment of ‘oh shit oh shit oh shit’ when he came but failed to make contact with the ball. But was otherwise untested. Sunderland’s other efforts, including one from a superb Andy Reid cross that Cisse failed to turn in, were half chances at best.

Lennon did his thing. Always find he can get the opposition fullback yellow-carded quite easily with his tricks and turns, but needs to go in for the kill more often and get them sent-off. Can't believe this hasn't been drilled into him by the manager. His crosses hit far too many defenders. A slight off day for the menacing wing magician. Modric was quiet, but still in an attacking sense, our other best outlet.

Huddlestone (such a great passer of the ball, but just so damn immobile – can we ever make more use of him?) came on for Jenas (who was neither great or average - just stuck somewhere in the middle). Bentley (decent effort) and Pav also on towards the end.

Palacios was a bit on the quiet side.

We kept plugging away and from a Sunderland corner/penalty claim all the way to the other end of the pitch that saw Bent cross in for Keane to hit a half volley into the ground which gave Fulop no chance and to give us a point.

And as for fans favourite Darren Bent, if they handed out points for players who run around constantly he’d be top of the table. But that’s not enough. It’s frustrating that when he had the chance to score (divot or no divot) he struck the ball high above the bar. But then again, he’ll get double the amount of moans and groans aimed at him because of who he is. We all know Robbie misses his fair share of opportunities. But Robbie does score important goals and does contribute substantially more. Bent has more negatives with this game than he has in the way of positive attributes. I don’t believe the ball bobbled. It was a shocking miss. But we survived. And he can be happy with the assist.

As for Sunderland, just worth mentioning that Jones looked fairly average and the £15M price tag a joke. Steed created, much like Andy Reid did. The latter defining gravity with his movement and his knack for a quality ball. I half expect the ground below him to give way and swallow up his plumb rounded figure, but it doesn't. Probably because Reid would swallow up the ground if he fell towards it, mouth open, knife and fork in hands. An appetiser before his post-match all-you-can-eat buffet.

One other thing I’d like to mention. Did anyone catch Football First? Big shout out to Barry Horne and his laughable bias commentary. If anyone watched the internet stream live they would had heard him complain about Robbie Keane waving an imaginary card at Steed and the ref which was a direct reaction to Steed waving it first. Horne completely ignored this and instead banged on about Keane and that he should be booked for demanding a yellow for Steed. The commentary was littered with some embarrassing sound bites.

Villa up next. They’re struggling a bit, but it’s still going to take a more confident display defensively to get something out of it. I’ve still got us down with picking up a few shock points away from home in our remaining fixtures.

5 points from the mire. 5 points from Europe. It's absolutely ridiculous and in classic Tottenham-fan mode, I ask myself, what if...........what if we didn't have that atrocious start to the season? In fact, what if Spurs displayed the type of commitment and effort Villa have for most of the season? Next year, yeah?

From the horses mouth: Spurs players are thick

Anyone catch that paragon of comedy genius Soccer AM this morning? There's a segment on it called Team Mates that has questions posed to a player or players from the same club asking them who the club joker is, the biggest moaner, most skilful etc etc.

Darren Bent and Michael Dawson answered the questions today, which included 'Chimbonda' when both were asked to inform us of the 'Worst trainer' at the club. He has apparently got worse than he was prior to his move to Sunderland. Lovely stuff. He's also the biggest cock at the club. No need to stand next to him in the shower to know that.

Robbie Keane is the biggest moaner believe it or not. Palacios the club hard man (who tackles as hard in training as he does in a proper match) and Adel the most skilful. Woody is the club joker, which is surprising because I've always found that Zokora in the middle of the park makes me laugh till my sides split.

The most telling moment however came when the question "Who is the most intelligent?" was asked. Darren Bent responded with the gem:

"We're a little bit of a thick team so I can't think of too many people that are intelligent!"







And on that bombshell.......

Time to terminate Darren Bent

Yesterday I read some quotes from Darren Bent about how Harry should play his strongest side possible in the UEFA Cup and that the benefit to the team would be to aim to carry the (hopefully) winning momentum into the next league game. That’s all well and good Dazza, but we've already had plenty of opportunity to carry forward the momentum in important league games and have got nowhere, so there’s no logic to the suggestion, based on the inconsistency of our players and their failure to put a decent run together. We never win when we should be forcing the issue.

Bent has been very vocal in the past week or so and according to Setanta Sports is back at it again today in what looks like a reprise of his comments from last week:


“I’ve got a point to prove in that I want to show the gaffer what I can do and I want to be starting games. At the same time, I don’t think I’ve got anything to prove because I’ve scored goals this season. If I hadn’t done then I would – but I’m the top goal scorer at this football club so I feel like I can just go out there and relax. I don’t feel the pressure at all, I just go out there and enjoy it” - Darren Bent (allegedly)


For the time being I’m going to assume this is a direct quote from the mouth of Darren Bent and not a representative or an overly creative and bored journalist mish-mashing a mis-quote alphabet soup together. Until the player states he has been misquoted I’m going to assume the above quote is word-for-word what Darren believes and stated.

So, let’s break down his statement of intent.

Dazza has a point to prove to the gaffer, but hold onto ya hats, no he doesn’t because he’s scored a few goals this season and if he hadn’t he would have a point to prove which is what he said in the first place regardless of scoring those goals but he’s top goal scorer at Spurs so he can contradict himself as many times as he wishes.

That’s set that straight then.

And because he’s top 'club' goal scorer (worth mentioning again) he can take the field of play and relax. That’s right, Dazza feels no pressure at all. Because he has nothing to prove. It’s all just a walk in the park for the £15M poacher. He can take the field and chill out because that's just the type of player he is.

WALOB.

Firstly someone needs to take him aside and explain to him that we are in a relegation scrap. Secondly, he needs to watch extended highlights of his apologetic on the field mannerisms and rabbit in the headlights stature, all teary eyed and scared as glances motionless in the box holding onto his comfort blanket waiting for a ball to hit his shin and go in.

So you go out there and enjoy it do you Darren? Enjoy what exactly? The ambience of the stadium? The weather? Bit of fresh air and half time cup of tea? The melodic chants of the Park Lane? You’re not meant to enjoy it. There is nothing enjoyable about our dismal form and lack of consistent cutting edge as a team from one game to the next (consolation goals do not count). Not that you are to blame for it, but as an individual, you're not impressing anyone.

We are the ones who are meant to be enjoying it and when you see us doing so you can then take a slice of satisfaction from it. I don’t believe for a second that you’re half as confident as you’re making out to be, mouthing off to the press every other day. So unless you are pulling some kind of Joaquin Phoenix method acting publicity stunt and you're not really a complete messy paradox of a player you need to be doing more on the the pitch and less of the talking off it to prove your worth.

I don’t care about your goal ratio. I don't care that you are the top scorer at Spurs. It's not enough to think that minimal effort is satisfactory because minimal effort equates to 14 goals. I want to see more effort and more willingness. I want to see you develop your game. I want to see you adapt to the formation and tactics of the team. I want to see you score more goals.

But no. That's too much for you isn't it? We don't ever see any of that extra effort. All I ever see from you is ah-da-da-dah like this in the background holding your head missing a sitter. What the f*ck is it with you? What don’t you understand? You got any f*cking idea? It’s f*cking counter-productive having somebody that does nothing in front of the midfield during a game? Give me a f*cking answer! What don’t you get about your lack of effort?

Ohhhhhh, gooooood for you, you scored a couple of goals up at Bolton. I hope it was f*cking good, because it’s useless now, isn’t it?

F*cks sake man, you’re amateur. Harry, you got f*cking something to say to this dud other than comparing him to your wife? No? Well somebody should be f*cking watching and keeping an eye on him.

He doesn’t give a f*ck about what is going on around him. I’m trying to support the team here and I am going “What the f*ck does Darren Bent do exactly? What is he doing here?” Do you understand my mind is not on the game when you're out on the pitch?

Stay the f*ck away from the media. For f*cks sake.

You are trashing my club.

You mouth off one more f*cking time and I ain't going back to the Spurs Shop and spending money on merchandise if you're still playing shit. I'm f*cking serious. You're a nice guy. You're a nice guy, but that don't f*cking cut it when you're f*cking around like this on the pitch and doing nothing much and then giving it the big billy bollocks in the press.

Seriously, you and me, we’re f*cking down, professionally.

What does Darren Bent do exactly? Part II

Darren Bent. So what does he do exactly again?

14 goals
9 in Prem
4 in UEFA Cup
1 in CC

Quite a bit apparently. If you've not read part one, click here. I'm following up that article with, well to be honest, more of the same.

One of the main arguments put forward in favour of Darren has been related to stats. He scores goals, so what else do we want from him? The counter-argument is that because of his lack of team-play quality (he doesn't hold up the ball well, support team mates, create or assist, not great at heading, woeful positioning) we only benefit from his goal-poaching when we play a certain type of formation or when away from home.

He's therefore one dimensional according to those who believe he doesn't bring anything else of value to the side. He just feeds off the scraps. Instinctively, but not as busy as a Greaves or Lineker who both, arguably goal-hanged, although both were very much capable of scoring goals out of nothing. But even though Greaves could go 85 minutes without doing much, then bang in a couple of goals, comparing Bent to Jimmy is borderline ridiculous. Is it not?

If one dimensional gets you a better goal ratio than a player who possesses more tricks in his locker, should we simply be playing to his 'strengths'? If your answer is yes, then what formation/team structure would we need to play? Perhaps kick random balls into the box and hope Bent gets on the end of some of them? Tottenham's play will have to be basic to cater for Bent upfront. Basic in the sense that nine outfield players link-up and get involved in build up play, with Bent waiting in the shadows alone for a ball to roll within proximity to his feet.

Harsh.

So what about those pesky statistics then? Here's a quick glance at the club stats from this season (thanks to CAS over at GG for the numbers which I've blatantly copy and pasted):

• Bent has played 1995 minutes for us so far this season which equates to 22.17 full games and in those games he has scored 14 goals
• Pav has played 1752 minutes for us which is 19.47 games and scored 12 goals
• Defoe has played 2414 minutes or 26.82 games and scored 12 goals (Pompey and Spurs)
• Keane has played 1860 minutes or 20.67 games and scored 7 goals (Liverpool and Spurs)
  

So the goal ratios stand us follows:

• Bent 1 goal every 1.58 games
• Pav 1 goal every 1.62 games
• Defoe 1 goal every 2.23 games
• Keane 1 goal every 2.95 games

And here's a run-down of when Bent's goals were notched up:

• 1 (A) PREM Chelsea 1-1 D Bent equaliser
• 2 (H) PREM Aston Villa 1-2 L Bent consolation
• 3 (H) UEFA Wisla Krakow 2-1 W Bent winner
• 4 (A) PREM Stoke City 2-1 L Bent consolation
• 5 (H) PREM Bolton 2-0 W Bent penalty
• 6 (A) PREM Arsenal 4-4 D Bent scores our second goal
• 9 (H) UEFA Dinamo Zagreb 4-0 W Bent hat-trick
• 11 (A) PREM Man City 2-1 W Bent brace
  
• 12 (A) CC Watford 2-1 W Bent winner
  
• 14 (A) PREM Bolton 3-2 L Bent brace

How many of the above were scraps/rebounds/plain lucky? How many were created after a sweeping move or out of absolutely nothing? How many saw Bent link-up with the midfield before sweeping forward to complete the move and bury the ball in the back of the net?

He's no Sandra Redknapp

Does it matter, as long as the end result is 'the ball hitting the back of the net'?

He's scoring so that's surely enough, no? If Robbie Keane scores less goals than Darren Bent per games played, does that make him any less of a player? Of course not. So who would you prefer to have in your starting line-up? Bent's ratio is possibly even better than what Berbatov managed with us - but would you pick Bent over the departed Bulgarian if he was still here? Silly question, right? You wouldn't.

So should you be asking 'why'?

It's OK to refer to the statistics and ratios and state this as evidence enough for his inclusion, but a stat worth looking at perhaps is how many assists come from the feet of Defoe/Pav/Keane etc compared to those of Darren Bent.

Note also that Cudicini has a habit of rolling the ball out to fullbacks when Pav isn't on the pitch, as Bent doesn't win headers. Personally, he should always roll the ball out. Prefer it when we play from the back, keeping the ball on the ground.

At this moment in time - should we not be concerned with anything other than hitting the back of the net, no matter how? Where Bent fails to achieve the link-up work of a Keane or a Pav (who both assist the team into functioning cohesively) he produces the final goods - goals. And in our predicament, surely any scrapes or rebounds will do. Surely goal celebrations are more imperative to a sweeping move involving 5 or 6 players resulting with a forward waving his arms in the air screaming at the ref?

Perhaps that's a simplistic way of looking at it. Bent is not a better footballer than Defoe or Keane. He won't get involved as much as either of them. He won't assist or create. We need to win games, no matter who does the scoring. And having a cohesive hard working Spurs team out on the pitch every week, players working for each other, will make a far greater impact than having a fragmented side with players who don't quite fit in.

(Although some might say, dropping back to link-up is the reason why Robbie's goal ratio isn't as good as Darren's)

In a relegation scrap, we can't afford to miss any opportunity that presents itself in front of goal. Bent still has a part to play in the season. He' still important for certain scenarios. But he's not going to be here come the end of the summer time. Where Spurs will be by the start of August is also up to 11 players rather than just one.

I guess, as ever, all we can do is support the players out on the pitch. Including Darren Bent. And I'll be celebrating one of his goals with the same loopy celebration that would accompany a Keane or Pav goal. If Darren continues to score goals in his limited appearances we won't be complaining.

What does Darren Bent do exactly?

It’s a question that’s divided Tottenham fans and one that’s been posed ever since he joined Spurs. Thanks to Darren's recent public ultimatum via the red tops where he has suggested he needs to be playing more otherwise he’ll move on, I have to ask myself (much like you might be doing) is he worth keeping? Would we miss him if he’s gone?

Ignoring the £15M price tag (that’s not his fault) you could argue Darren has not had a fair chance, a prolonged run of games, to prove his worth as a first choice striker. Statistically, he has a very decent goal to appearance ratio and has slotted quite a few of them away from home. So based on whether he can put the ball into the back of the net, you’ll find some Spurs fans defending him on the basis that he’s a striker and strikers are there to score goals.

But is football really that simplistic? Can we (or any club) afford the luxury of a player that simply knocks them in without bringing much else to the field of play?

We bought the player on the strength of his consistent performances and goal scoring record when he played for Charlton. A confident finisher who would run onto the ball. Worked a treat there because Charlton played defensive counter attacking football. Bent is far from being creative or inventive and isn’t the type of player you’d expect to see getting involved in build up play or perhaps crossing the ball in for others to feed off. Bent’s success there was down to the style of play Curbishley fashioned. He suited Charlton. So does he suit Tottenham?

If the opposition defend deep and don’t allow the space for Darren to run into, then is he ruled ineffective? You’ll find one or two people answering yes to that. But still, he scores goals, which means he must be doing something right, no?

Which finds us back to the question as to whether scoring goals is enough to warrant a first team place. Pav, Defoe, Keane and Berbatov (bless him) have more than just goal-scoring boots in their locker. All have their particular weakness/faults but arguably all of them have far more in the way of ability to get involved in games rather than become invisible until a goal scoring opportunity becomes available.

Was invisible too harsh of a word to describe him? Does he participate with good movement and solid hold up play? Is he a nuisance to defenders, digging at their heels, taking players away for others to take advantage of the opening spaces ahead?

Bent is more suited for a 4-5-1 formation and (as mentioned earlier) playing away from home where we can counter-attack when the home team are pressing. Logic here is there is more space for him to run into, bit like when he played for Charlton.

So regardless of the fact that he still has a knack of getting in amongst the goals, there are no other tricks in his locker. And even though he has never had the chance to play week in and week out as a first choice striker, even when he’s been scoring, other players have been preferred simply because they are far more involved in the game which means they bring others into it.

'I score, therefore, I am'

So is Bent is a goal-hanger? Feeding off rebounds and goal keeping mistakes. The odd scrap here or there. That’s probably not statistically fair to him, but he isn’t showing us much in the way of developing his overall play. Creating goals from nothing.

Complaining in the press isn’t going to help improve his level of performance. But he obviously believes he is doing enough.

Pavlyuchenko has put him to shame with regards to effort, considering the Russian was not fit when he signed for us, suffering from fatigue and completely alien to the English game and the country. He might not hold the ball up like a Teddy Sheringham, but he is far more convincing a team player than Darren Bent is. And he’ll get better once we get through this season and start afresh (again) next season.

Bent's whinging to the press sums it all up. Pushing aside the stats and the analysis of his all-round game, Darren Bent believes he has done enough to prove his value to the club. He has done his bit therefore believes he is immune to criticism. As far as he is concerned he has done more than enough to prove himself and there’s no need for him to do anything else.

I spoke about the culture of failure at Spurs in a previous blog entry, how losing is OK at White Hart Lane. Michael Carrick famously touched upon this when he joined Manchester United. Players – team-mates –should be competing against each other at the highest possible level they can muster up, because the better they are the better the team is:

“When you do “your bit” you are immune to criticism. A sort of collectively projected performance-socialism, where people are not only encouraged to do nothing more than “his bit” but are in fact discouraged from doing more because it makes team-mates look even worse” – Danish White (Glory Glory.co.uk)

Where is the zest to be a better player, Mr Bent? Why are you the better option out of the group of forwards we have?

Shut up and play up or wave your goodbye.

Of course, the ultimate way to answer the question 'What does Darren Bent do exactly?' is with another question:

Why did we buy him in the first place?

Tim Sherwood? Does anyone care?

Robbie Keane has been back five minutes and he’s already made an impact. Such is the lack of leadership in our squad (and with Ledley King never fit) Harry has opted to make our returning son club captain. No doubt he will point, look up at the sky, wave his arms, shake his fist and shout at everything and anything including the slackers in the side. Whether any of them bother looking up to take note of our Robbie is altogether another thing. Because, you know. The players don’t care, right? What, you haven't heard? Have you not caught up on your weekly reminder about the lack of caring thing? Slacker. Get that Daily Mail delivered to your home, damn it!

It concerns me that we have to listen to people employed by the club, slag the club off. We have Tottenham forums and the tabloid columnists for that sort of lark. Even if the club deserves to be slagged off or be criticised, we do not need to have the main focus of sound-bites coming from manager and coaching staff (yes, I know…..Harry loves to talk, the irony burns).

I’ve never liked Tim Sherwood, and still don’t have much time for him. I’m not sure I understand the logic behind his employment as a part-time coach with us. How anyone can be part-time in football is beyond me considering it’s not exactly the most challenging profession with regards to hours spent in a working day compared to people who stand on their feet for 8 hours or sit in a office staring at a screen falling into a coma.

Whatever it is Sherwood does at the club as a coach is obviously not working, so I almost ignored reading his latest rant. I sucked in the vomit and went ahead with it anyway. What he says is common knowledge to anyone who watches Spurs. Players don’t care enough. You can’t disagree with it. We can see it for ourselves week to week. He cites that we are capable of defeating Arsenal on our day but fail to grind out results when it’s equally important (but not as glamorous as a NLD). Says the reason we looked at Craig Bellamy was because of his attitude towards winning. Keane does have a similar work ethic. So it does make sense to make him captain when our other choice is Jenas (Woodgate would have been my preference).

Finding myself in agreement with his viewpoint (even though its one shared by anyone following Spurs) still makes me ashamed considering he has spent the past few years slating us at every opportunity on TalkSport radio (he’s neither knowledgeable or insightful….so perfect match). Very bitter man. And I'm still not sure what he has to offer us exactly. If anyone knows what he does at Spurs, please let me know. The bloke has no experience as a coach, was not a great midfielder (should our players be inspired by his presence?) and is unprofessional (talks to the press far too much).

So, to reiterate, it's now a common occurrence to slag off our players and highlight their faults, week in week out, publicly. And it's not working as the results are not changing and the players are still not giving it 110%. All it serves is to pass the blame so everyone is in no doubt who should be blamed (at least from the perspective of the one doing the passing).

So how about working all this out behind closed doors rather than giving the red tops more headlines? Its tiresome stuff to see the same complaints repeated over and over again and yet no progress made. The reason we have managers and coaches is to man-manage and coach.

I expect Tim will be happy regardless. If Tottenham sink, he’ll go back to radio full-time and possibly publish his memoirs on the Titanic travesty Tottenham was in season 2009.

Spurs: The Reason they got Relegated by Tim Sherwood

Future bestseller on Green Street that.

Talking of travesty….Darren Bent. No, I’m joking. Look at his record.

It’s something like 14 goals in 30 games from 18 starts. He scored 8 goals last year as a sub. I might be one or two goals off (as I’m attempting to recall from memory) but still, that’s not too shabby, is it? On paper at least. So why is he much maligned? Well, personally, he doesn’t seem to play well when paired up front with another forward and he can go long periods (several games) without doing much in-game in the way of any thing productive on the eye. In a recent match he must of touched the ball 5 times in 45 minutes.

Which is why we tend to remember his misses more so than his performance and application. In a course of a game, he simply doesn’t seem to be involved us much as a Defoe or Keane or Pav. His Bolton cameo was a good one. Do that every week and we’ll go back to rating him much like we did earlier in the season. Fickle bunch we are. If things don’t work out, we can always flog him to Sunderland come the summer. Best moment of the window came after it actually closed from Ricky Sbragia who ‘tapped up’ Bent (yes, he did, according to Sbragia himself who accused Harry of the exact same thing in relation to us being linked with Jones) when he stated ‘we are interested’.

Er, Ricky…..if you’re gonna tap up a player you need to make sure you time it so that you actually stand a chance of signing the player within the window. Doesn’t actually have much of an affect after it.

Today will be madness

If you take a quick look around the message boards and Sports pages you'll find the following gathering pace:

Keane coming back
Lennon to Liverpool
Bent leaving
Quaresma on loan
Jenas to Inter

Bringing Robbie back is embarrassing. We are bailing out Liverpool and the player himself. If we lose Lennon as part of the deal I'll be absolutely livid with the club. There is no guarantee that Keane will be the same player he was without Berbatov by his side and let's face it. He must be a little bit damaged by the experience. Boyhood dream in tatters. I'd rather take the risk in whether Lennon will develop into a player with end product than wonder if Keane will be able to reclaim his past Spurs form. Aaron is also much younger than Robbie.

Bent leaving is a strange one. We love to hate Darren. Sometimes, he appears to do nothing in a game. But he does score. He's a bit fragile, so maybe not the right type of player mind-set we need at the moment. I'd still rather hold onto him for now. You know. In case of another injury.

Quaresma is also a strange one. Talented with plenty of unfulfilled potential. Never settled in one place. Is he built for a relegation dogfight? How long will he take to bed in? And if you want to believe that Jose wants Jenas in exchange as part of a loan deal, then this transfer window has officially been tagged as loopy. Apparently, according to Jose, Ibrahimovic is more of a team player than Quaresma. Ouch.

What concerns me is that we haven't looked to actually fill the gaps. I guess apart from the left-wing position, if the Inter lad signs.

"We need strength, big players" - We buy lickle Jermaine. Who was carrying a knock and might now have a broken foot.

"We need people who want to play for this club and know what it means to put on the shirt" - We re-sign Chimbonda. Good olde loyal Shimbomba.

"We need a holding midfielder" - We sign Palacios. Who has 'everything in a midfielder I want' but isn't technically speaking a holding midfielder. Add to the mix, Zokora who Harry wants to continue playing which would then mean that we plan to continue lining up with a 5-man midfield. And if that's the case......do we need to keep spunking so much on forwards?

I'm frustrated. As much as you are, I'm sure.

Arshavin has apparently flown back home today having arrived in London yesterday. Not that Levy would dare place a cheeky bid for him after the summer fiasco with Zenit. Did Arsenal ever stand a chance in signing him? Considering how tight they are and how money obsessed Zenit are.

As I type this apparently Liverpool want Saviola and Spurs are interested also.....but Spurs are willing to back off if the Anfield club give us Robbie. These type of transfer bluffs seem to be happening with alarming occurrence.

I've stuck some popcorn in the microwave. Snowed in. Sky Sports ticker day for me.

Harry doesn't rate you, or you.....or you

Harry Redknapp, the undeniable high priest of man-management and media handling. Right?

No.

Our 'arry is at it again. When things don't go quite right, he always seems to deflect attention onto someone else. He does so in a manner that doesn't allow much room for any fingers to be pointed in his direction. Not that Darren Bent was blameless on Sunday against Pompey. He missed a sitter. A nailed on back of the net winning goal. We all saw it. Everyone at the game and everyone watching it at home. So is there really a need for a manager to further highlight this as emphatically as our 'arry has done? I can almost imagine Bent getting a pie in his face after returning to the dressing room at full time.

Maybe a simple 'It happens sometimes, he'll bounce back' would have sufficed instead of the 'unbelievable' description he tagged the miss with. We all know it was bad, we don't need additional commentary on it, and neither does Darren Bent.

I'm sure 'arry was critical of Match of the Day 2 host Adrian Chiles a while back concerning the coverage of Gomes on the programme. Chiles would highlight 'mistakes' made by Gomes every week, regardless if the Brazilian retained a clean sheet or played well. Redknapp wasn't best pleased.

And our 'arry has followed up his public criticism of Bent by having a dig at Cesar Sanchez, our reserve goalkeeper who is subject to various 'Does he actually exist?' forum discussions. 'arry doesn't rate him and has made this clear to all but stating that he is looking for someone who is good enough for first team football.

He refers to him as the 'Spanish goalkeeper'.

Well in there Mr Redknapp. No need to stop with Cesar (that's his name 'arry....C E S A R). Any plans on outing Gareth Bale and David Bentley as both being completely out of form and lacking in assured belief and confidence? Maybe you could phone up Sky Sports News and tell them you think both players are complete pants and you'd even consider playing Joe Jordan as an alternative you're that frustrated.

Unbelievable, no?

Yes.

As much as I've personally been critical of the effort and urgency of some of our players, draining further confidence from players who have very little is not the right thing to do in public.

Bent can't Bale us out

Spurs 1 Pompey 1

It’s going to the wire.

We now sit in 16th, on 21 points – along with five other clubs. Zany. Three points from 12th and six points from 9th. Welcome to the Premier League where the bottom 12 clubs are basically rubbish. The 5 teams above the 12 are only there because of a decent run of form. The way this season is going, don’t be surprised if the table from 8th down to 20th looks completely different a month from now.

Part of me is happy that we created more chances today in 90 minutes than we have in the previous 270. Granted, half of them were Lennon scoffed shots, but there was some positivity in our play. It’s still all rather ominous though. We don’t look like a team with any belief or urgency from the offset. We sort of fall into a position of confidence after we snatch an equaliser. How about starting the game with the pretence we are already a goal down? Arguably, we are with Bale in the side.

Ok, cheap shot. I apologise. But how gutted and depressed must he feel to see us score moments after being subbed? Regardless of the voodoo, I think it’s unfair to be too harsh on the team today. They gave it a go. 15 shots on target, 11 off. James saved wonderfully from Defoe and Lennon (on one occasion when he actually put some direction and power behind the ball). Bent's miss will haunt me all the up to the next Prem game. Serves me right for laughing at Zaki’s embarrassment yesterday when he also missed an open goal when it was seemingly impossible to do so.

The fact we created so much but didn’t punish a Pompey side who weren’t too shy of goal either, highlights the desperate need for Redknapp to sign a player who will partner Defoe to (near enough) perfection.

Pav, as much as I want him to do well, isn’t the right player for the current predicament. He still looks a little lost, and although I prefer not to believe that his interpreter runs up and down the sidelines during training, translating phrases like ‘flick it on’ and ‘run into space’, I think he will benefit a team that’s balanced and winning. I suddenly see the appeal of Jones (Sunderland), although the asking price is ridiculous. Is he as accomplished a top flight goal scorer as let’s say, Darren Bent was, before we signed him? No. And look at how average that particular £15M turned out to be. The goals scored by Bent at Charlton, a team who worked hard on the counter, was never really suited for Spurs. You don't buy a particular style of player before you need him. We bought him when we already had 3 top class players. He was bought on the back of the goals scored and the hype surrounding him. No margin of error this time round. When I said near enough to perfection, I meant it. Defoe needs the perfect foil (or vice-versa).

If Villa bid £8M for bent, then we should add a bit of salt and pepper, a dollop of ketchup, and then bite their appetising hand off. Our Russian lad should play from the bench and spend the rest of the season working hard to settle in England and learn the language. As much as we cry out for a quality DM, we are just as desperate for a quality striker.

Add to that a centre-back. King went off injured. His replacement, Dawson, was very good in his place. But we need to start looking hard at bringing someone to partner Woodgate on a more permanent basis. King, we love him, but the team as a whole is more important than one individual player. The defence has to be strong and his cameos are not enough for us to be able to drive through some consistency at the back.

Back to Bale. Remember why we signed him? He’s a talent. Fantastic going forward, not brilliant defensively, but a wonderful young player. He has not lost those abilities. He is simply a wonderful player that is in rotten rotten form. When you miss Ekotto at left-back, then you know things are bad. Gareth's confidence is shot to pieces, and our much publicised lack of depth is apparent here when we have to select a player that is struggling. I hope Spurs keep the faith in the long run with Bale. We have a habit of buying young players with tons of potential for massive fees (we basically pay what the player would be worth if he turned out to be good four years from now) and then sell them if they don’t have a great start. Kaboul anyone? £8M for that gem.

So back to the game. We need to be winning these home matches. I know we missed out on the giddy heights of 12th spot, but it’s not relevant thanks to everyone practically being equal down at the bottom. The Prem won’t begin to shape up down there for another 5 or games. Might even take more. Not worth the risk in waiting and re-evaluating week to week. We need to start collating the points with that much needed urgency.

Winning today would also mean nothing if we don’t beat Stoke in our next match. It seems we are forced into re-evaluating the mathematics from week to week. That luxury will soon be gone as we move closer to game 38. Don't know about you, but going to Liverpool needing to win to stay-up on the final day of the season isn't something that I want to experience. Even if they had a dodgy lasagne, I still wouldn't fancy our chances.

By the end of Jan, we’ll hopefully have several new recruits. You would hope we'd be a far more stronger outfit come Feb, and we'd need to be to beat the top table sides (as we can't appear to beat anyone below mid-table). Points have to start rolling in.

Imagine having Berba and Keane upfront today. How many do you reckon we would have scored based on chances created? Add to it the creativity and space created by a winning partnership as our two departed players shared, and we’d be laughing. Throw in a DM and if you want to be cheeky, a left-winger and the doom and gloom will be non-existent.

What we got instead was a little bit of the old anti-luck (that Bent miss and an early Defoe chance which should have been on target). Good luck is something you get when you will yourself forwards, it smiles on you not when you are down in the dumps but when you strive to get to a higher place. Far too many of our players are feeling sorry for themselves.

Lennon played well, and is arguably our best player this season. He’s even learnt to plant a cross on a forwards head. O’Hara was busy, but is always prone to one error, which can usually lead to disaster. He got away with it today. Modric, oh Modric. I really do hope Appiah is signed by us (as I doubt Palacios is going to bother with City throwing money his way) because Luka needs a strong centre-pairing to allow him the freedom to create. He played well second half, but his back-turning moment to a tackle which saw David Nugent almost (should have) scored is not the type of thing you want to see in a dogfight. Zokora was Zokora. His first touch is Sutcliffesque, and his another player who struggles with the simple things.

Bentley wasn’t too shabby when he came on. Apart from one or two set-pieces. He created that chance for Bent. Would have been a perfect assist that. He definitely has the look of a player feeling sorry for himself. But his performance was encouraging.

Defoe took his goal very well (glad to have him back), through the legs of Sol Campbell. Nice touch. And how refreshing was it not to spend the whole game singing silly songs about this ex-player? Although when the Park Lane hummed the controversial re-worked Lord of the Dance song, I even saw a copper smile.

Altogether now.....

Sol Sol
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la

Overall, decent game, decent performance – and on another day, we could have won it (but on the flip side, Pompey could have scored one or two more themselves....and Nugent scored, so that sums that up). David James played his part, as he usually does when he faces us.

Stoke at home MUST BE, HAS TO BE three points for us. Much like today was, but the Prem, as I said, allows for this re-evaluation. For now.

Redknapp did well today considering the players who got injured (Pav shouldn’t be out for too long, but King is ‘long term'). And Gomes, Corluka and Lennon all played on with slight knocks. Harry could only make the one tactical substitution today.

Bit more application required, urgency too and whoever we bring in should see to it. I hope. It’s a broken record, but formations and tactics will work better if the right players are in the right positions.

It’s crazy that around 9 months ago, White Hart Lane was the goal-scoring capital of the world. Blink, and you’d miss one. 4-4’s all the range, yet today, although defensively we have one of the best records at home, offensively it’s the worst in all of the leagues.

Obviously, we need to be running around a lot more and sticking it in the net.

Then there was one

Bent is a doubt for tomorrow night. He's had a bout of tonsillitis. Pavlyuchenko is Cup tied and Robbie Keane is out on loan to Liverpool, which means the soon to depart back to Man Utd Fraizer Campbell will be our sole striking option. That's just returned to training after a calf injury Fraizer Campbell. Jenas is expected back far sooner than expected (possibly Sunday week or Boxing Day).

At least there's one positive out of that lot. And with any luck he might not be back on Boxing Day.

Nah, just fucking with ya. Jermaine, get fit soon mate.

As for our defence, Woodgate and King are out, so Dawson and Corluka to play centre-back buddies again I guess. Not sure if that means Zokora will once more slot into the right-back position (agreeable) and Huddlestone playing centre-mid.

Draw will get us through against Moscow on Thursday night.


UPDATE: Corluka is cup-tied. All fun and games for 'arry.

that was the week that almost is

Not much blogging this week due to a family bereavement. Will be back daily next week. Steady on the open bus parade.

As for Spurs, been another eventful week (although we still got the weekend bit to go and mess it up for us).

4-0 at home in Europe. Yes, the opposition was arguably a bit pony - but the swagger was back. Some very decent tidy football, great in possession and movement and Darren Bent all smiles with a sweet hat trick thanks to the involvement of the slow-brooding beast that is Tommy Huddlestone (who also got on the score sheet with a tasty volley). Modric did well against his old team mates and apart from Hutton (who looks out of sorts) everyone seemed to enjoy the evening. Even Gomes, who decided this would be the night to keep a clean sheet.

Bostock made his debut and no doubt we'll be seeing more of him through out the season. Looks assured and has quite a shot on him. Let's try and not fuck up his career, right?

In other news, ENIC (that's Levy to you and me) bought another 2.8 million worth of shares in THFC lifting their stake in the club to 71%. Apparently works out to around 85.5% ownership of the fully diluted share capital. I suppose news that we only paid Ramos £1.7M (£2.5M including Poyet and co's severance pay) has allowed a bit of a pre-Xmas spending spree for Daniel. Don't go spending it all! Apparently there's a little Russian who play for Zenit who wants to come to Spurs.

Another twist in this summers epic saga. Arshavin apparently is a bit angry. He is gutted the transfer to Spurs never happened and has to endure digs from team mates (and Dick Advocatt, believe it or not) after every Spurs match. Although arguably what they possibly could have been saying when Ramos was manager is anyone's guess.

"Hey Andrie, you Champions League mug. You are here instead of being bottom of the Premiership! Ha ha in your face"

Riiiiiight. Regardless, he has told the media that after his deal fell through, everyone took an interest and look out for our results. However, you want to be a little anal retentive about it, he doesn't actually say he wants to come here now. Just that his team mates are taking the piss out of the fact that he never joined us (these Russians have got piss taking all wrong).

Let's remember a month ago, he was too good to join us. And now, he wish he had. Footballer, hey?

Moving from on the pitch to off it. Joe Jordan has left Pompey, so expect him at WHL soonish. Along with Sir Les of Ferdinand who will join the coaching the staff to help out the strikers. Don't mind Les at all. Proper Spurs fan who loves the club, so having him out on the training field is a good move. Still don't know or understand why Sherwood is there. As for Jordan, I don't mind him. If he does sign on, then that's ok with me.

BENT: Spurs fans are termites

International week always equates to a little quiet time, re: the blog. Obviously the outcome of Levy’s chat with the Spurs Supporters Trust will be of much interest. Other than that, we’ve had to make do with Darren Bent once more talking to the media, this time defending Comolli – which you have to admit, is staggering. A player defending a director of football? Are Spurs now using playing staff to churn out positive PR spin rather?

DB: “He’s always around the place….”

Really? He does work for Spurs, so you’d expect him to be ‘around’ much like anyone else employed by the club. Ground breaking stuff this, from our Darren.

DB: “He’s a fantastic guy and one of the main reasons I came to Tottenham”

I’m sure Kaboul and Zokora and one or two others own shared rights in the same soundbite. Anyone who has helped double your wages will automatically gain a ‘fantastic’ tag. Comolli appears to be running an unofficial charity for the footballing inept. Sign up to Spurs, earn millions, do nothing...

DB: “There is no problem with him. He’s been good; he is always helping the players – and that is what they need”

Helping the players with what exactly? Does he offer them a shoulder to cry on? Does he wash their cars? What does he have to do with 1st team affairs that impacts the players mood? Does he stand there and gloat at training sessions, pointing out his signings and declaring ‘I bought him’, then running over to them with a magic sponge when needed?

He goes on to say that ‘Tottenham fans seem to be everywhere. Wherever I go they seem to be coming out of the woodwork, asking what is going on’. What a peculiar statement. Usually, fans come out of the woodwork when a team is suddenly doing well. To claim Spurs fans are approaching him (or other players) asking him what the fuck is going on is a normal supporter reaction considering our circumstance. Darren may believe the players are trying and giving 100% but from where I’m standing, I just don’t see it. All I see is one player after another, talking to the media about how we are much better than our position and that we will get it right. Yet with each passing week, all we have is countless soundbites but just two points.

Enough talk. 100% action.

Bent scores on debut

A 3-1 away win at the mighty Stevenage, included a Darren Bent goal. No content for this blog other than the below picture (taken from Tottenhamhotspur.com) that includes a rather dapper looking Sopranoesque Martin Jol. I don't take note of friendlies, unless a player gets injured, which usually results in a shit-in-the-box being sent to the club on account of risking big players in small games. Apparently its 'illegal' and 'disturbing' to have such packages delivered to the training ground or the manager or chairman's home. Its 1984 all over, just without the UEFA Cup

Dapper Jol and some randoms

Levy gets Bent

Announced to the stock exchange. We have spunked £16.5M on Darren Bent. I'm sure that Spurs will now look to sell both Mido and Defoe, and claim some of it back (from Defoe's transfer, not Mido's who we need to pay for someone to take him off us).

Is Darren Bent worth 16 million quid? Of course not. Much like Torres isn't worth £20M. Or Carrick £18M. But that's football. Overspending and overrating. Charlton have come out of this smiling. I'm still trying to tell myself that this is in no way a step towards Spurs protecting themselves over the possibility that Berbatov will leave the club next summer.

However, I will go away and think about this one. It's been suggested that I am being negative with this transfer due to my hatred of Daniel Levy.

So. I will come back to this with a clear mind and decide whether I approve.

Darren Bent Whorage

More 'ITK' gossip from a 'Spurs Insider'. This one from season ticket holder WestStandJolly. Claims to know someone who knows Bent. Much like the previous piece of whorage posted in this blog. Wonderful stuff.

Spoke to a contact who has had (lets say) contact, with Bent in recent weeks. Darren didn't say much about WHU other than they might not be the right club for him. That and all the Sheff Utd hearing and potential outcome, doesn't want to play for a club that might start the season with -10 points. Said they offered him a shedload.

A typical Spurs 'ITK'

Wants to play for Spurs who are more than likely one of a number of possible destinations for him. Charlton want their moneys worth but will probably get more desperate for an injection of cash + players closer to the summers end. Gardner being the make-weight, with one or two others as potential (Routledge). Told in confidence that he will be playing in the Prem next season, and I believe him. If the deal happens, should be announced in 2 or so weeks time.

Levy is also going all out to bring in a left-winger, a centre-back and another midfielder (Levy apparently quoted as stating he wants the club to sign a player of Gascoignes or Ginolas ilk - a definitive classic Spurs player. Apparently, Jol has said 'If only there was a Dave Mackay out there for us'. Holland, Spain, France and Brazil are the target countries that Comolli has been working on with our scouting network.

Hope to have more info soon.

Yep, it's like golddust. Without these people, what would we possibly do in the time between the club genuinely speaks to a player and signs him and then announces it to the fans.

Before any of you idiots throw the 'DONT FEED THE ITK'S' comment in my face, don't bother. That comment in a previous blog was ironic. How can I possibly not feed the little blighters when they are akin to a Lazarus Pit, forever giving life to all that should be dead.

Between their constant sewage of information and the need for me to break into the Big Brother house to head-butt Charley, I have my entertainment sewn up till my community service ends and I can resource more time to better spent activities.

Plucked from a Spurs forum

Posted on COYS by HH:

OK for all you doubters.

Darren Bent is Spurs

From the man himself, just got the phone 2 minutes ago.

Don't expect an announcement from the club until July 1st.

The fee will not be announced but it is nowhere near what we offered Charlton for him last January.

BTW there is a real chance of further sanctions against West Ham.

All this from one phone call. The comment about sanctions against WH must be a hint that Bent decided against them because of the possibility of relegation - though, doubtful anyone has the bollocks to dish out the punishment they should have got months back when the Prem League choked and bottled it.

In addition, HH has also stated that 2 players will leave Spurs to join Charlton - one on loan and one on a permanent contract. Routledge is surely one of them. He also had this to say:

There are more but I will not have anymore real information till at least next monday.

But it will be the details of the last of the 4 major signings we are after this season.

Bale, Kaboul, Bent, and ? (it was Nani). I will leave you all to speculate, but I will tell you now it ain't an out and out LW.

Not an out and out left winger. Because left wingers are as rare as rocking horse shit. So, I'm meant to believe that Darren Bent called up HH and told him he's joining Spurs but not officially until July 1st when we announce it....while the chief executive of Charlton states:

"We look forward to Darren starting with us in the Championship next season, which is a massive boost to our chance of returning to the Premier League."

We set a valuation for Darren and West Ham were the only club prepared to meet that valuation"

Yes. Charlton will not sell him unless a club matches their valuation. Something only the desperate 'ammers have done. So how is offering less money and a couple of players going to turn Charlton's head?

If anything Man Utd will bid for him, needing a striker now that Saha is injured. Again.

So, we are after a 4th player? No shit Sherlock, who would have guessed, considering we have needed a left-winger for years now.

Oh, and nice one on the 'July 1st' announcement. Thats a convenient 2 and a bit weeks that HH can enjoy ITK status before he gets found out for being a drunk deluded charlatan and IP banned. The worship of false Gods is frowned upon. Ask Moses and that mob that followed him around. It was their fault they got lost for a few decades, preferring to listen to the mis-guided few instead of Charlton Heston.

Well, listen to Spooky. There are very few very limited variables when it comes to predicting who will sign for who. Throw enough shit at the wall and some of it will stick. Try throwing diarrhea and it will stick all over you.

DONT FEED THE ITK'S.

Good Deed

SPURS have built a house for orphans in South Africa — with money from their players’ fines.

The Premiership giants spent £100,000 on the project at Rustenburg in the north-west of the country.

Tottenham set aside stars’ fines — ranging from turning up late to more serious disciplinary offences — for five years.

And 20 per cent has been spent on the orphans, the rest going to the local community via the Tottenham Hotspur Foundation.

A spokesman said: “We established a link on a tour four years ago and we’ll be going back there this summer.

“We’re proud to be the first football club to do something like this. The players have a strong interest in the scheme.”

Just in case you wondered why we are strapped for cash on the potential Darren Bent deal.