Wednesday 8 April 2009

Let's Relegate Newcastle United

Slow news day, so I'll take the opportunity to slate Alan Shearer. 7,500 people turn up to watch a training session which is nothing more than a carefully executed propaganda exercise (with less of the careful and dollops of the propaganda). The attendance was apparently quite low considering how folk in Newcastle don't have much else to do other than follow their football club and welcome the latest in a never-ending recruitment drive to find their true Messiah. Although it's best to point out that the Worlds Greatest Fans© are struggling to turn up for home matches this season with attendance figures falling. Which must surely be down to their teams performances on the pitch and all the unwanted boardroom politics off it. Which would make them 'fickle' and not 'passionate', not that the media or Sky Sports News know how to differentiate between the two. Unless of course the club is based in the south of England, and in particular, North London - where they are most definitely classed as fickle.

In the training session Shearer barked out instructions, which is a first as Dowie has apparently been coordinating things on the training pitch since their arrival at the club. More comically, he took part in a 5-a-side game and scored following it up with his textbook hand in the air trademark celebration. Rolling back the years there Alan. It's epically embarrassing stuff from the publicity-shy pundit. Not quite the same thing as Hoddle showing Beckham how to bend a free-kick, but still....transparent for all to see.

Dowie is the one with the experience in training and management (when you write these things down and read them back, it just seems to get worse and worse for them doesn't it?). Shearer is meant to be there as some form of inspiration. A testament to a brand new beginning. A figure head to galvanise the club. In reality it's a ploy to soften any potential disaster that might befall the club. If they go down, they will go down with a 'legend' at the helm. A legend who can't be held accountable thanks to the fact he only has 8 games to save them (1 down, 7 to go). He's going to 'walk away' from it at the end of the season, so either way its advantage Shearer. If they go down, he'll be thanked for his gallant effort. If they stay up, his ego and new founded managerial credentials will expand tenfold. From a personal perspective, it gives him an opportunity to experiment with management and see if he has anything in the way of ability for any future challenge. What better way to test the waters than with the gift of eight games from the struggling Toon fanboy die-hard Mike Ashley (who might or might not be a Tottenham fan).

Keegan left in the midst of controversy. Kinnear (wish him well) might only return in a non-management capacity. And as for Shearer? He'll be back on the Match of the Day sofa, faster than you can say 'relegated'.

He apparently asked the 'lads' where else would thousands turn up to watch their team train (apart from the fact some clubs get 20,000 or so for reserve and academy games)? This is apparently his way of illustrating the importance and passion Newcastle play in the hearts of the locals. I guess getting 45-50K for home matches isn't reason enough for players to try harder.

Sort of puts it into perspective when compared to our lot. Everytime a new man arrives at the Lane, he is also referred to as the new Messiah by the media. And pressure is always evident from the stands regarding style of football played. Which is why George Graham was never destined to be a favourite (along with rather more obvious reasons) and why Sam Allardyce lasted 5 minutes at Newcastle. There are some unnerving parallels between both clubs, although we have a habit of picking up silverware every decade. They just have a rather annoying habit of always beating us up at St James Park. Newcastle are there to make us feel better. For all the soap opera elements that Levy orchestrates, we are always out-done by our friends up North.

Thank you.

It seems like an age ago we did manage to beat them (2-1) in possibly the worst game of football ever up at their ground in the Carling Cup earlier this season. Sunday 19th April has the potential to be one of emotional dejection, if the barcodes win at the Lane. Because it would mean we have aided them in their fight for survival.

That is simply unacceptable.

So, welcome to the 'Let's Relegate Newcastle United' campaign. Stoke, Pompey, Liverpool, Boro, Fulham and Villa are the other esteemed members. The prime directive is simple: Defeat Newcastle and do not allow for sharing of points.

It's in our hands to wipe the smugness off the face of Alan Shearer and make Match of the Day a little more bearable for all next season (I've run into some legal problems relating to the 'We must deport Mark Lawerson' initiative. Will keep you posted on developments on that one).

Stoke up first. Thoughts and prayers.

98 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wanker

Anonymous said...

I'm with you on this brother. Down with the Shearer!

Anonymous said...

I detest Newcastle, more so the blind love-in the likes of Sky Sports produce every time they appoint a new manager. I hope they go down 3rd from bottom, with Sunderland 4th from bottom.

Yiddo said...

HAHAHAHAHA

LOVE IT.

Hopefully those geordie neanderthals get relegated. Clueless muppets. Although i do enjoy watching em on Sky Sports News cream themseleves and acting like morons everytime something happens in regards to their laughable club.

Geordie wankers. GOING DOWN! GOING DOWN!

Jep said...

Haha, Spooky must be bored.

Anonymous said...

World class bitterness! Not exactly suprising to see a Spurs fan take the opportunity to spew bile, after all it must be a constant nightmare being so utterly overshadowed by your illustrious neighbours.

I wouldn't be in the leats bit suprised to see NUFC relegated as we have been terrible since Keegan was sacked - but it is simply common sense for Shearer to say he is only in it for 8 games because otherwise Kinnear will be well within his rights to sue for constructive dismissal.

God only knows why you feel entitled to an opinion about a football club you clearly know nothing about, but in the same spirit as your article I'd like to point out that Spurs fans are rarely described as "fickle" when "shit" is much more accurate.

Hopefully our "annoying habit" of hammering Spurs home and away will continue again this season although sadly I suspect you may pick up a long-overdue three points.

grim down south said...

I think somewhere in that article, he's actually saying that Spurs and Newcastle are very much alike. Eternal struggle for success. Messiah after Messiah after Messiah. Both clubs get capacity crowds.

We just win more than they do. And Spooky is right. We're fickle when we protest, they are passionate when they protest.

Go figure.

Anonymous said...

Prickless.

Anonymous said...

Guys - It's Spooky. He doesn't mind Newcastle, he just dislikes Shearer.

I know this for a face.

Smug Git said...

LOL at the reactions. Hit a nerve?

Anonymous said...

Article of the Year IMO.

Newcastle fans are almost as bad as Liverpool supporters.

'Almost'.

Anonymous said...

Calm down, now I know you Spurs fans get jealous of all the attention we get, but that's not our fault. We don't write the papers or decide what the lead story on the news is going to be.

Everton fan said...

Ah another rant from a deluded Spurs fan..
I love the way Spuds think they can slag other teams off..

They are the same as Newcastle in wany ways.. except I hate that cretin of a a manager for Spurs.

Shearer was a great player for club and country, and I hope he keeps the Toon in the prem.

They have one of the best fan bases in the country, and as far as I can see the only reason they don't get the full crowd is because a number of them hate Mike ashley..

Shelf Side Warrior said...

Bloody hell, are all the Newcastle fans 11 years old or something? It's a tongue in cheek article you mugs. What do you expect? People to love your club? You lot don't even love your club. Must hurt to have had the likes of Dennis Wise there and Kinnear (ex-Spurs) and Ashley.

Learn to laugh at yourselves. It helps. And believe me, as Spurs fans have experience with it.

Jep said...

"They have one of the best fan bases in the country, and as far as I can see the only reason they don't get the full crowd is because a number of them hate Mike ashley.."



They have one club in the Prem and if you visit Newcastle you'll know theres nowt to do up there other than football.

Anonymous said...

Ok, for any newbies hitting this blog you should all know - Spooky is the most anti-Spurs fan there is.

Don't take life too seriously.

Anonymous said...

AHAHAHAHA...AW A YID WITH TOO MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS, ITS OK, KEEP WRITING YOUR LIL STORIES AND ONE DAY JUST ONE DAY YOU MAY GET A GOOD CROWD AT ONE OF YOUR GAMES.

I TELL YA THE SPURS SCOUT HAS THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD, READ HOW MANY PLAYERS THEY WANT TO BUY, AS SOON AS SOMEONE CONNECTS A PASS OR SCORES SPURS WANT TO BUY THEM .LOL!!

Anonymous said...

Sorry this is over the top

Oracle said...

Spot on article. Shearer is detestable. Great goal scorer, but still an elbowing cheat. And a smug self-absorbed egotist who probably got an abundance of legal and professional advice on what it would mean for him to take the Newcastle job. He is in it for self-preservation of vanity.

Anonymous said...

"Apart from the fact some clubs get 20,000 or so for reserve and academy games."

Howay then sausage dodger. Name them.

West Stand Bagel said...

Anonymous said...

AHAHAHAHA...AW A YID WITH TOO MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS, ITS OK, KEEP WRITING YOUR LIL STORIES AND ONE DAY JUST ONE DAY YOU MAY GET A GOOD CROWD AT ONE OF YOUR GAMES.

I TELL YA THE SPURS SCOUT HAS THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD, READ HOW MANY PLAYERS THEY WANT TO BUY, AS SOON AS SOMEONE CONNECTS A PASS OR SCORES SPURS WANT TO BUY THEM .LOL!!

08 April 2009 15:16



Loving the caps lock, it's like you're angry or something.

Good crowd at Spurs? Do your research son. We always get good crowds. Hence the 58,000 stadium in development. Don't fret, there will still be a corner of the ground for away supporters. Maybe in a few years from now you'll get to visit it for a league match.

General Brickhead said...

Anonymous said...

"Apart from the fact some clubs get 20,000 or so for reserve and academy games."

Howay then sausage dodger. Name them.

08 April 2009 15:17


As one-offs? It happens. I think Spurs got 20,000 for an academy cup match and Utd also get big crowds for certain games. I'm sure he didn't mean consistently.

And so what if a club has 7,500 people turn up for a training session? Only means they have nothing better to do like...work.

Anonymous said...

Nice traffic dude, nice traffic.

Londoner in Yorkshire said...

Do you Geordies have any ability to avoid racist stereotypes? It's bad enough having to listen to you chant at matches, with your deep Scottish accents.

Anonymous said...

I remember in 1987 when Newcastle were fighting relegation, we still took 15,000 fans to White Hart Lane for an FA Cup tie. I guess the writer of this article wasn't there that day. When have Spurs ever taken that many to an away game????

Yes, Newcastle will be in the Championship next season, but I guarantee one thing, we will still get much bigger crowds than Spurs will get in the Premiership.

Booster said...

He's taking the piss you stupid wankers.


"(I've run into some legal problems relating to the 'We must deport Mark Lawerson' initiative. Will keep you posted on developments on that one)"


Seriously, read between the lines.

Although I would gladly support deporting Mark Lawerson.

Anonymous said...

Why are people disputing capacity crowds and the like?

The author dislikes Shearer and wants Shearer to fail. I think to make MOTD more appealing. It's bad enough already having Lawro and Hansen smugging it away about Liverpool.

Little Miss Minx said...

English, we only speak English!

Anonymous said...

All those crying about the Toon being massive have you ever witnessed one of your captains lifting a trophy? No the Intertoto Cup tile doesn't count.

Sunderland Fan said...

Come on you Spurs!

Oracle said...

Spurs and Newcastle are big clubs in terms of supporter base.

That's it. Doesn't count for much in terms of actual success.

spooky said...

I dislike Alan Shearer. I also don't have time for Stephen '50p haircut' Gerrard or Chelsea fans. I also think our chairman is soft in matters of football in the purest sense.

Spurs are a joke at the best of times. Although West Ham and Newcastle always manage to out-do us. What do you want me to do exactly? Re-write history?

I don't think Shearer is this almighty God you're making him out to be otherwise he would have taken the job far sooner than he has.

That's it. That's my point.

The rest is a fucking larf.

See you all at WHL. Where no doubt, you will dick us again 3-2.

If it makes you all feel better, I actually hate Boro.

spooky said...

Anonymous said...

I remember in 1987 when Newcastle were fighting relegation, we still took 15,000 fans to White Hart Lane for an FA Cup tie. I guess the writer of this article wasn't there that day. When have Spurs ever taken that many to an away game????

Yes, Newcastle will be in the Championship next season, but I guarantee one thing, we will still get much bigger crowds than Spurs will get in the Premiership.

08 April 2009 15:24



To be fair Spurs are well known for having some of the best travelling away fans. I guess if Spurs were fighting for relegation, and the opposing club allowed it, they too would get huge support away from in all important do or die games.

But 87, thats pre-all seaters isnt it? Bit easier to get that amount away from home in standing room only.

Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work Spooky.

Behave yourself.

The Machine said...

If it makes people happy, Spooky usually gets the same reactions when he slates Spurs from Spurs fans.

8/10 for the article.

Anonymous said...

15,000 for an away Cup tie in 87? Sorry, but wasn't that the norm?

Oops said...

If Newcastle survive it will be because of other clubs around them are far far worse.

Stoke - D
Spurs - L
Pompey - W
Liverpool - L
Boro - W
Fulham - D
Villa - L


8 points. Is that enough for saftey?

Anonymous said...

Stoke - L
Spurs - L
Pompey - D
Liverpool - L
Boro - D
Fulham - L
Villa - L


I make it two points.

Office Worker said...

Stoke W
Spurs W
Portsmouth D
Liverpool L
M'boro W
Fulham L
Villa D


11 points. That makes them safe.

Spooky - its doomed to failure mate. Doomed!

Sunderland Fan said...

Stoke L
Spurs L
Portsmouth L
Liverpool L
M'boro L
Fulham L
Villa L


:)

Anonymous said...

Deep down, Spooky knows we will stay up :)

Anonymous said...

The reason there was 7,500 people there would more than likely be because it's half term. Think about it...

Anonymous said...

Why is this obession about larger crowds. Of course Newcastle get bigger crowds, as they have a bigger capacity. This is a no brainer, but why is it so relentlessly repeated by so many irrate arseholes

It also amazed by the number of Geordies that have replied to the article. I didn't think so many had access to the internet, or maybe thay have use of the one in the job seekers office in the town.

Anonymous said...

When they go down lets hope they really plummet like Leeds and Citeh did

Anonymous said...

City came back up mate.

And look at them now.

Anonymous said...

Yeah after an age they came back up but they went down to the third tier and look at them now just ready to implode again.

Paxton Yid said...

City were always punching above their weight and its showing more than ever now with their new founded wealth.

Anonymous said...

Spooky the truth is out there. You're a gimp.

Anonymous said...

Watch Football First. Don't watch Match of the Day.

Problem solved. No need for the Toon to be relegated.

spooky said...

Anonymous said...

Spooky the truth is out there. You're a gimp.

08 April 2009 16:01



What a man chooses to do on a Thursday night is his own business.

Anonymous said...

Spooky is a joker ffs, but then not everyone is expected to know this. Especially people who don't follow the blog or support other clubs.

To be fair, water off a ducks back. He gets far more abuse from other Spurs fans when he rants about Levy.

-Dave

filthy said...

He was threatened by some chaps off COYS a while back. Lovely stuff.

Spooky, you do know that you and Shearer are actually quite alike?

Both ego-manics and self-indulgent attention whores.

;)

spooky said...

I have more hair than Shearer.

Anonymous said...

How are you at creosoting a fence Spooky?

Anonymous said...

If Newcastle beat Stoke, expect them to beat Spurs.

spooky said...

Anonymous said...

How are you at creosoting a fence Spooky?

08 April 2009 16:13



You tell me. How am I doing at the moment?

Iron Man said...

It's ok Spooks, you'll have something Spurs related to bitch about when West Ham win at the Lane.

Anonymous said...

Newcastle United are the North East version of Tottenham. Which is why both sets of fans hate each other.

Max said...

they call me Joe
they call me Alan
they call me Bobby
they call me Kev
thats not my name
thats not my name

Anonymous said...

'We must deport Mark Lawerson' initiative



I'd like more information on this. If you're after a project manager...

diego_maradona said...

Spooky... END THEM!

Anonymous said...

newcastles falling attendances nothing to do with the current economic situation then? you just come across as bitter to be honest

kevin said...

Surely everyone must see that the only reason Shearer was appointed manager was to confuse the fans of NUFC. He's not a manager. He is an Icon. He is your last £20 on the last dog race of the night when you should be at home. They've put Shearer at the messy end, so that NUFC fans will be less angry if NUFC go down. These c***s that run football clubs ain't stupid are they?

George said...

he's not the messiah, he's a very very naughty boy

pete said...

not sure what's better the article or the passionate/antisemitic (look it up)/weird (Anonymous said... You are a knobhead and we will beat you bunch of big girls blouses. 08 April 2009 15:37) newcastle responses.
Personally i'd love to see newcastle go down, i'd love it, mainly because they usually beat us and i don't like them.

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure I understand the Newcastle fans reponse to this.

"lol u sux, you get shit crowd."

well, yes, you do outdraw us. But, we can only fit 36k into our place, so that point is redundant.

"lol jewniggers etc etc"

Congrats, you just earnt yourselfs an IP check and an e-mail to the police.

Anonymous said...

I really hope that we stuff Stoke on Saturday they are the worst footballing team in the country. If Stoke are successful it will be a black day for football they are nothing more than a poor mans wimbledon. All about humping the ball up field long throws and nowt else. Howay the Lads come back with 3 points. I hope Stoke go down I'd rather Sunderland stayed up

Anonymous said...

What a great article, by far the best I have seen this year!! I detest Newcastle and even more Alan Shearer. why did the gutless ''legend'' not take over b4 now???

hate him and the wife beaters from the NE, it would be great to see Middleborough, Sunderland and Newcastle all go down. It would make the Premiership an all round more educated league!!!

Love the article!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Go sniff some Zyklon B cannisters you scruffy fat London wanksplats.

spooky said...

Anonymous said...

Go sniff some Zyklon B cannisters you scruffy fat London wanksplats.

08 April 2009 18:08




Thats like sooooooo 2006 dude.

ETP said...

You all seem to be getting a bit rabid over Spooky's comments; truth is though given the amount of self-loathing he has come to be associated with in relation to Spurs, it is entirely logical he now despises Newcastle. After all, you have more "Spurs men" than we do! Calderwood, Hughton, Kinnear, Ashley...

YidArmyWookie said...

Oh please, now who's the deluded one?

spooky said...

Anonymous said...

I'll meet you anywhere you want you cunt when I'm down there next month you fuckin no foreskin cunt, Spurs mickey mouse nothingness of a club, we wouldnt care if you went down, but like the rest of the country you are obsessed.

08 April 2009 18:52






a/s/l?

xXx

Anonymous said...

I cant get over how thick some of you lot are. Do you read the post or just the first line?

Hotshot-Tottenham said...

i would luv it, just luv it if we beat that lot.

and i'll be there to do my bit to make sure it happens.

billyiddo said...

ha ha ha ha
reading the replies from the Geordies is almost better than the article itself !

touched a nerve i think Spooky

don't worry lads, we all know you're a super dooper big club with the worlds bestest fans!!!!!!!!

billyiddo said...

Kevin Boatang said...


Here's a tip lads, Spurs share one of the greatest cities on Earth with Arsenal, Chelsea, Fulham, West Ham, Charlton, Millwall, QPR, Leyton Orient, Crystal Palce, Luton, Watford and watford (sorry if I've missed anyone out). It has a population of, M25 area, in excess of 12 million people and we were ranked recently as the second most supported team in the capital.

The population of Newcastle is under 200,000 and has the sum total of one club.

We get 36,000 for every single match and have 20,000 on the waiting list.

By any definition we have more fans than you.






uh oh, now you've done it, using logic and sense in an argument with a Geordie is like waving a red flag at a Bull.

Anonymous said...

Spooky will END YOU.

Little Greg said...

Quality thread lads.

COYS

Anonymous said...

Spooky, well done. This is by far the best bit of trolling I have read in years. Even you couldn't have expected the amount of geordies taking the bait.

seriously - my "top 3" for going down - well, top 2 really since WBA are pretty much gone now - would have to be newcastle and blackeye - crap manager, dirty team (and why didn't mokoena get done by the FA for the elbow?) and generally annoying fans.

Harry Hotspur said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Onpoint said...

Fuck me, some of you Geordies are complete foold - constantly bleating on about how big a club Newcastle are, based purley upon crowd attendance. Yeah you have a bigger stadium than us, so yesh by default you have a larger attendance than us.

The 'big club' debate will always divide fans biased towards their own club but in this case there really is no contest. All you have to go on is a high average attendance - being a one club (half decent club) city and having a large stadium lends towards this. Outside of Newcastle, really who supports the magpies? When have Newcastle won anything? Yeah you've had some decent finishes in the league, but also some very medocre finishes to balance it out.

I admit Spurs haven't, in recent times, lived up to the 'big club' rep that many of us like to think of but we have at least won a few trophies here and there and continue to attract decent players, despite our rigid pay structure.

On a few occasions we've signed players, who've rejected bigger money offers from Newcastle to play for us(Woodgate, Modric) but I guess you can point to duff & parker - how are they getting on?

Anyways, I think the clubs in recent times are probably around the same level, maybe thats why the hatred is so strong, both consistantly under achieving in the supporters eyes and demanding more hoping the other will fail. But surley when 'big club' debates surface lets look towards history, trophies and world fan base not just attendances (unless they're treated in comparison to available seats). A better yard stick would be to look at the clubs revenue, which despite having a stadium that can hold 16k less people then yours, we seem to bring in more money - just ask deloite & touche.

That's enough from me, back to your well reasoned jewish insults - howay the lads!

Forza Huddlestone said...

This is pretty subtle for Spooky, actually. Little do the Barcodes know, lol.

Anonymous said...

People actually come here looking to be insulted. hahaha, classic stuff!

- Thou Shalt End You.

"Way aye, ya gooin dooon like"!


GG.NET foreveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer!!!!!!!!!!!111111111

Badger said...

All of you upset Geordies...
Meet me at the cornerpin.
1pm
END YOU.

Badgers forever

Oracle said...

Badgers? I'm going to regret asking this, but what the heck do badgers have to do with anything?

PaulH said...

Spurs, Spooky and the Badger will END you!

Dirty Northen monkeys. Isn't Jeremy Kyle on soon?

Anonymous said...

"Spurs, Spooky and the Badger will END you!"

oooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo!!!!!

(clasps handbag and pisses himself in fear of Tottingham keyboard warrior.

Anonymous said...

First British club to win a (proper )European trophy. First club to do the double in the modern era,8 FA cups,4 League cups,3 Eufa cups,and the previously mentioned 1 Euro Cup winners cup.2 league championships.Record attendance 72000 v Sunderland--a long time ago! Sell out every home game.Who are we? Answers on a postcard.
Up Yours Geordie 'were not english' muppets.

Anonymous said...

I heard a rumour that all Spurs fans take it up the arse, except for the women of course, who are, without doubt, all fat and ugly. Ha ha ha.

Seriously though, I hope you enjoyed staying in the Carling Cup a little bit longer thanks to us. Did you win it in hte end?

We'll be seeing you soon for our usual three points.

By the way, is Harry Redknap actually disabled, or is his face just pretending???

Anonymous said...

What is it with londoners,southerners, cockneys - what ever you want to be called (rejects of the genepool).

Why dont you concentrate on your own teams issues or is that a little to hard for you i.e pronouncing there fuckking names!! and let us northerners worry about our own issues!

We dont need a pumped up pissant trying to vent his frustrations and pent up anger out on something that doesnt concern him, go back to circle jerking with your fan base you prick.

As for 7500 fans turning up to watcha training session and the comment about go get a job.....you need to get out more you inbred idiot.

Well know thats off my chest.....have a nice day

Anonymous said...

"Well know thats off my chest....."

42GG and covered in tats of Keggy and Mary Poppins

Anonymous said...

Try to play nicely children. Some seriously sad generalisations and insults on here.

I'm a Newcastle supporter and I remember when collectively, we had a sense of humour. Can't speak for the Spuds there, but cannot believe the rabid bites on both sides.

Anonymous said...

You Geordie northern knobends are soooo amazingly stupid!! This whole site is supposed to be rip on Spurs fans and here you are getting all offended and trying to retaliate! GOING DOWN!! GOING DOWN!! LOL

(keep up the good work spooks)

LLB said...

G.W.Spooky Esq is available for after dinner speaking, childrens parties, bar mitzvah's and thickie baiting. Prices start at 20 Geordie Pounds (the ones with Keegan's face on both sides).

Alan Shearer's Barber said...

Toys? out of pram?
ring true, Necastle fans?
Hope you enjoy the championship next season muwahaha

Killjoy said...

Riiiiiiiiiiiight. So people can't have opinions on clubs other than their own?

Quickly, someone tell the tabloids!

Prick.

Anonymous said...

"No wonder no one likes you"




LOL. Shattering news there for Spooky.