Tuesday, 31 March 2009

Supernova Darren Bent

There are many unexplained things in the universe. Many of which are beyond the realms of human understanding. We simply do not have the capacity, for example, to understand the concept of what existed before time itself. Not that time exists anyway, as it’s simply a measurement we use to govern the passage of existence from our own perspective. If there was a big bang, what existed (using the concept of time) a second before it happened? Or an hour before? Does one universe expand infinitely forever or does it eventually collapse in on itself and implode, then explode…creating a big bang and the birth of a new universe? Are we the first universe of its kind or are we the result of the millionth big bang? Was there ever a definitive beginning? If there was, then how can the nothingness that existed beforehand be defined?

These unanswered questions do not stop us from completing our mundane schedule of sleep, work, eat, relax, sleep, eat, procreate, sleep, work.....and so on. And by the time human life exhausts itself from existence, the universe probably won’t even know we existed in the first place. We are pretty insignificant - one planet in a universe of billions upon billions of galaxies.

It’s quite probable that there are other planets out there that have allowed for life to evolve. And their version of life may be incomprehensible in comparison to ours in about 1000 different ways - like the mixture of chemicals on their own planet, their conception of time and their rate of evolutionary progression. Billions and billions of planets. Billions of societies. Billions of lives being lived.

And yet out of all the billions in the universe, Planet Earth is the one that manages to birth Darren Ashley Bent. The one and same Bent replacing the injured Carlton Cole in the England squad for this Wednesdays World Cup qualifier against the Ukraine. A cosmic event equivalent to a rock the size of a penny disintegrating in the earth’s atmosphere.

There are probably a billion Darren Bents plotted around the vast expanding space above us (I'm basing that on the assumption that alien planets play competitive sports). Some might even possess an abundance more all-round ability to their game that just having a knack of being in the right place at the right time to witness a ball bounce of a shin and into the net.

But more than likely, they are not too dis-similar to the version we have on this planet.

A lucky star.

Darren - fingers crossed for Wednesday. I hope you come off the bench and score with your bum.

Bent - a-ah - saviour of the universe
Bent - a-ah - he'll save everyone of us
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Bent - a-ah - he's a miracle
Bent - a-ah - king of the impossible


The Machine said...

Or maybe not Spooky.

He's only gone and got himself injured!!

Anonymous said...

He's injured mate. Shame. Anyone got Brian Blesseds number?

Anonymous said...

He's 'hobbled' out of England training. Just imagine, it could of been King! and fingers crossed Lennon comes through unscathed.

Hope it's not a serious injury for Bent. He's actually been playing much better since Keane came back and he's putting in the effort in and working hard (take note Huddlestone)

spooky said...

The universe has spoken.

Anonymous said...

Hadron Collider > Darren Bent

Irish Spur said...

The fact that there was no premier league at the weekend makes us ponder questions of the universe and existence. The fact that the England manager called up Darren Bent is even more of a mystery.

Anonymous said...

There may be many Daniel Levys out there controlling there own planets, or... Holy Commolli!

Anonymous said...

I think that (briliant) post on you blog is to blame, actually, for supernova Bent's injury.

Shelf Side Warrior said...

We need to get Lennon out of that squad as quickly as possible before Fabio crocks him..

Oops said...

Agbonlahor in for Bent. It's a game of musical chairs that just won't end.

Anonymous said...

Please never try to explain the unexplained dark strange mystery of the universe that is darren bent you might open black holes to a different dimension.
Everyone knows darren bent is an inadequate lifeform from another planet a result of evolution gone wrong and the aliens that put him on this planet on levys doorstep as a young pup as the result of a practical joke were laughing their bollocks or any other dangly genetalia off.

Hector said...

People forget quickly how screwed we'd have been without him this season. Yes, he's not the world's greatest player. Yes, he's not worth what we paid for him (if you ignore the fact we'd almost certainly still be in a relegation place had we not had him, and at risk of losing more than £16.5m) and yes, he isn't right for us, but he has played his part and used correctly can do the job he's paid for, no matter how 'unconventional', 'boring' or 'crap' you want to label his goals, he has scored some and at crucial times. He'd have done a job for England as he's done for us, largely without moaning, despite some shitty treatment from the club and its fans.

We've long been spoiled by seeing the very flair players that contribute to our downfalls by their unpredictability, so it's a shame that a guy who does his job with little fuss is so reviled.

I'm not making a case for keeping him, I hope for his sake he gets a move to somewhere that suits him, and contrary to what some believe, that doesn't mean a Championship club, just a team that needs a bloke to be in the right place at the right time and put the ball in the back of the net and will appreciate him for doing that.