Tuesday, 18 November 2008

Make war not peace

Mr Berbatov wants to make peace with Tottenham fans.

“I will always have special feelings for Tottenham. They showed me the way in English football. I will never have anything bad to say about the club. I watch every game they play. I was just surprised the team got off to such a bad start because Juande Ramos was a very good coach. Now Harry Redknapp has come in, a very experienced manager, and I am pleased they are going up the table.”

The disruptive Bulgarian has less chance of making peace than I have of spanking Angelina Jolie in a night of light sexual deviance. Brad Pitt would obviously not be present. If he was, and as a consequence, the only chance of me doing Jolie was to double up on her with Bradley, then I would gladly accept, as long as both cockerels were kept apart at all times. I'll only crow for Angelina. I'm not saying he ain't a good looking bloke, no doubt there, but I am strictly centre-midfield and you'll never catch me playing down the muddy slippery flanks.

I’d like to spank Berbatov given half the chance. Across the face. With a dead squirrel. ‘Showed me the way in English football’? That’s the polite way of suggesting we were nothing more than a stepping stone, a stage to show off his array of talents and silky skills allowing Ferguson to decide if Berbatov was good enough for Old Trafford. The only special feelings you have for us is you were able to showcase your talent for one full season, and then only do so a second time round because we wouldn't allow you to leave. This fallacy of you only caring about the simple things in football is just that.

And as for watching all our games since moving on, I doubt that very much. Don’t patronise us please. You fought with Jol. You fought with Tottenham. You practically went on strike. Shut the fuck up, and just take the abuse you’ll get on the chin like any other player (apart from Sol Campbell who doesn’t like to take anything on the chin, according to his PR).

Honest, humble Dimi, who likes to feed the squirrels in solitude with only his deep thoughts as company whilst he contemplates his existence and meaning. Don’t be too shocked or upset when all the squirrels in your back garden suddenly go missing. Not that I would ever set traps for them and sell them to the nearest kebab house for a tidy profit. That would be distasteful and possibly cruel especially to the people who prefer to dine on lamb rather on rodents. Although a dollop of chilli sauce will guarantee you won't be able to tell the difference.

Berbatov is the reason why clubs like Spurs will never push on, much like the eight year old at school who decides it’s easier to support whoever is top of the league whilst the local team loses another prospective future season ticket holder.

So, Dimitar, in conclusion, take your olive branch and stick it up your bollocks.

Thanks to Dan G from gg.net for the photo-shop magic.


oracle said...

In some ways you can't blame him for going. He's not the first and won't be the last. But if he and Keane had stayed, with an inform Modric and Bentley and Redknapp rather than Ramos, we'd be laughing our way to 5th. Add Carrick to the mix and 4th would be ours.

What a joys parallel universe that would make!

filthy said...

I'm going to boo the f*ck out of him because that's what we do. He's no Teddy Sheringham. Even if we did boo him and laugh when he missed that pen.

the machine said...

Dimi, Dimi, Dimi, why why why?

I miss the son of a bitch. I miss him soooo much.

pedantic said...

would you prefer us not to sign incredible talents like dimitar because of the likelihood that our management is too shite to properly build around him leading him to want to leave so he can win something in his career? Why should berbatov have any loyalty to Spurs? he supported newcastle growing up. for giving him a chance in the prem? that's a laugh. I think it's our responsibility to make staying at Spurs worthwhile. Too bad we've had pricks like Levy and Damien running our club.

If he comes back after winning the treble at Man U will we call him Teddy?

Diaz said...

I fucking hate him.

Leave if you want thats ok. But don't act like a prick while doing it.

"I get 50k a week to kick a ball around - so fuck you Spurs I don't feel right to play, I'm confused, why are you ruining my dream?"

Pedantic - Build a team around someone who wants to leave? Are you sure? We were always a stepping stone, from day one.

I prefer the way Keane left, he was confused. "I love Spurs, but I'm off to Liverpool, I love them more" He will probably be at Celtic next year.

pedantic said...

We became a stepping stone when we failed to sign adequate support players that would have doused the Big Fish effect.

pedantic said...

and another thing, do fans exhibit any of the loyalty to players that we expect them to show us?

Say Gomes becomes the world's best keeper over the next month and is offered contracts with more successful clubs - why should he stay here? Because we "gave him a chance in the prem"?

This whole feeling of being "used" by players is shite.