4th place, nailed on, right?

My season ticket has arrived. Less than 50 days before yet another anti-climatic season of football kicks off. One or two Spurs fans are excited by the prospect of the 2009 season, believing that after the dip from two 5th spot places to 11th, we are all set to challenge again for the little mini-league outside of the top 4. Why do we always wish to mug ourselves off in this manner? It's tradition I suppose. It's what you expect from the Spurs fans. Always offering a good larf to the opposing fans. Considering we have never achieved anything in the Premiership, we still commit ourselves to such unrealistic/impossible goals. Typical Spurs fans and their hearts on their sleeves mentality. Saying Spurs will ‘challenge’ is a bit like offering Amy Winehouse a 5 album deal and paying her upfront. It’s absolute fucking loopy madness. But there's no fun in stating 'I think we will finish mid-table this year'. That won't exactly make for a cracking atmosphere will it? If Carlsberg did delusions of grandeur, Spurs would become the first club side ever to win the World Cup.

Yes, we’ve signed a world class midfielder in Modric. We don’t use that word often down at the Lane. Apart from it being Berbatov’s middle name. And of course, Taarabt is potentially world class. And Robbie Keane is just below world-class. But Modric – as talented as he is – will need something a little bit more than Zokora lending him a hand in the middle of the part. Maybe a Rhinoceros in a pair of Puma V1.08 football boots will do the trick. At least we'll get better movement from the Rhino. And first touch. And he'd scrub up well with the tackles and lawful shoulder-charges. The markerting department would lap up all the merchandising. Rhinho face masks will go down a storm. Just sign the fucking Rhino for £12M and be done with it already.

Dos Santos claims he is a ‘number 10’, a player suited to pushing forward from behind the front two – rather than being lost out on the wing. Easy there tiger. One step at a time. A hat-trick against a crap La Liga team means you'll probably achieve the same thing against West Ham, but one game here and there is what we get from Lennon. So unless you plan to shave one of your eyebrows and buy yourself a Ferrari, I'd take some time to climatise before asking for the number on your shirt.

'Lost' by the way, is the best way to describe his past season at Barcelona. I just don’t think young kids like this are the right type of players to be placing our hopes on. Yes, he has sensational close control. But to expect something of him in his first season is asking too much. Just look at that boy Lennon for all the proof you need. The development of Dos Santos is far more important than the gimmick of seeing him play for the sake of it. Same goes for Taarabt, who should go out on loan because that's the best way for everyone to see just how good (average) he is. Gomes isn’t too shabby a signing. But anyone would be a vast improvement on Robinson so best to wait and see how this one pans out. Robbo, bless him, is more or less testament to our hiccups of progression and backwards steps. When he was good, he was good – but not brilliant, as incorrectly suggested by the Park Lane end and those endless cringe-worthy renditions of 'Englands Number One'. When he hit a deep dark hole of bad form he failed to crawl his way out of it. Probably because there were loads and loads of cup-cakes and donuts down there. Management are partly to blame. Should have been dropped immediately and not 5 months later. No doubt, he'll reclaim genius form and his place in Fabio's first eleven 10 months from now as Villa's number one.

Spurs still require a bit more than just a midfielder and a young kid who hasn't been used often enough in his rightful position. There’s still no true ballsy DM – but summer isn’t over yet. Still time for the Rhino to be spotted at Heathrow with Comolli, tucking into a burger whilst signing a pre-contract in full view of a fan capturing the momentous exclusive on his mobile. Only to then produce a blurry image when posting it in a thread on a Spurs forum, where he's then shouted down in a caps lock frenzy, with various suggestions that there's more chance of us signing Dean Whitehead.

Let's not forget about the centre-back issue also. Another essential signing if this wet dream of competing at the top is going to leave us in ecstasy. The Berbatov situation has the potential to ruin everything. No doubt he is itching to leave, but if the transfer happens towards the start of the season and no replacement is lined-up in time then let’s all give a warm welcome to our wonderful and trustworthy friend; panic. Rasiak available on a cheeky loan?

Talk of wingers too. Although doubt we would ever purchase a true left-winger, based on the fact Spurs message boards are bandwidth dependent on discussing possible targets for this much maligned position. Wouldn’t have much to talk about during the off-season, would we? Bentley however is a rumour that won’t go away. Please please go away. Although that's for the right hand side. Althogether a different kettle of fish. Bentley, an ex-goon. How delightful it will be to see Spurs fans putting pen to paper, creating clever little chants and songs in praise for him (if) he signs.

And then we have the dead wood. YPL is gone (I think). Chimbonda to follow soon. Rocha has also left. Although I'm not really sure he was ever here. Along with a number of other players who just don’t cut it. Not even as squad players. You can take a guess at the guilty ones. You've got a 75% chance of scoring with the first name that comes out of your mouth.

Having Bale back in the squad will be like a new signing. Maybe he’ll get to play on the left-wing? Gunter will hopefully be more involved too. And that CB signing we need will play a massive part if King fails to retain fitness. Might need another CB to cover Woodgate. Just going on past history with that one. All dependent on how many hairdresser appointments he books when he's meant to be training.

Stepping away from all the ‘we need X type of player’ discussions, the most important aspect is whether Mr Ramos gels the team together mentality and tactically. Granted, it doesn’t really take that much of an effort to finish 5th. About 5 teams or so can give it a go for the best part of the season. It's about claiming 5th spot and then pushing away from 6th - not for one season but for the next three, successfully. And then waiting for one of the top 4 to falter. That's the sad tragic honest truth of the matter. Everyone is lagging behind and lagging badly.

But gloriously failing to finish 4th is what we are all about, so anything less than that will be deemed a failure by the WHL masses.

Going on last season, we played two or three great games and won a Cup. We were gush in the league.

So all eyes on Ramos. No pressure.

A hellmouth of 'ITK' exclusives

How queer. I mention something about 'In the Know' information and someone provides us all with a summary of the past couple of months. You'll like this. Possibly one or two snippets of info that have been missed, but generally what you are about to read are all the supposed 'connected' people who have inside knowledge to share. This was posted on the Spurs Community forum by Stoof (good man) and covers ITK since the month of April. The info has been gathered from various forums, including GG.net, FTL and the SC.

APRIL

We start on 8th April - which makes is some sort of pre-window record I believe, with noodles saying we want Carrick with some money and are willing to part with the "crown jewels".

dragon1 then piped up a week later saying that Berbs wanted out "100%" - not giving us any choice but to ask for £40 million.

Contact made with Capel according to MadridSpur on 16th April. The plot thickens.

S.LondonSpurs on FTL says Berbatov is 80% a Spurs player next year, midfield to be built around him and Keano too. Apparent problem with Jol?

willdayid on this very site has a friend whose cousin is John Bostock the Crystal Palace wunderkidd. On his way to t'Lane. That takes us to 17th April and some Dan Ashcroft (of SC) news: a promising Leeds youngster, an attacking midfielder been watched numerous times by DC.

A trek over to Spurs Odyssey on April 20th saw Marcspurs with a link to Paul Kemsley running his mouth about, of all people, the buck-toothed one, A.K.A. Ronaldinho. Wants to come to the Premiership, and to London.

noodles still convinced on the 22nd April that Berba is off to either Barcelona or Real Madrid and then BEN thinks that Santa isn't just for Christmas, and Santa Cruz could be Berbatov's successor.

Luka Modric signs and then dragon1 says this shows our ambition to the sulky one. We've hit 26th April now.

Archibald from Spurs Odyssey then pipes up, saying that Modric is one of a big four for us. Capel and Diaz/Jarque are goers together with one of Kameni, Samahanovic (?) and Amelia.

Some more Odysseying from o.kristensen: Comolli was in Norway (Drammen to be exact) regarding a player called Per Ciljan Skjelbred. Yeah. Dam right. Hard-working CM, but then again you all knew that. Rabbi Crackers - Berbatov going 100%. Only overseas bids considered.

Eto'o and his agent at the Lane - that's Lane where we play, not Lodge where we sign - Paul said the first bit on 28th April - he's a Spurs Odysseyite. yiddobrett from this site said Keane could leave because of a lot of substituting - he doesn't believe it though. And quite frankly nor do I!

nicdic, Rumour Ranger extraordinaire, then got some News Of The World information that Berbatov has not gone yet, good chance that he could stay; that Eto'o is definitely a possibility and that Villa is definitely leaving ol' Valencia. Galahad, a distant Goat relative , said that there's a strong push for Clemente ... some cryptics that gave guesses of Fabiano and David Villa.

Still in April and MadridSpur says that we've made contact with Villa, some Eto'o interest and Ronaldinho's off to Italy. Scout says "berbs gone" and we're very close to a massive massive signing ... this was in April.

Somebody on COYS was talking about Levy being busy and French people and players with "oo" in their name. I'm thinking Samassi Abou. Leics_Spur on FTL thinks Spurs could be making a run on McGeady - they were the noises coming out of Parkhead on 29th April.

MadridSpur said Joaquin was "being hawked around" ... we've been offered his services. Villa: "discussions are advanced". To round off April TraderSpur on COYS was told by the same agent who gave him Kameni information in January that the deal has been done for 6.8 million yoyos.

MAY

donw001 on SC thinks that unless Ledley grows new legs, he's done. Smiling and nodding about Berbatov going ... and also about Barcelona and Eto'o.

It's obvious that Kaboul is going, at least it was to Archibald on 2nd day of May, Pompey have offered us a cut-price £5m but he wants to re-aller a la France. Taarabt transfer request, Disco Stu likes Transfer Music. Bordeux after NoPass after this revelation.

noodles said on the same day that we're working hard on swapping Berbatov for Eto'ooooo. Archibald on 5th May said we're off to Portugal for a DM and Manchester United are interested in this unnamed player too.

We're well after Cuellar and Capel. Innit, said Mr BEN on the 6th of this month. More FTL antics, this time from Alex who said that we're after the Nigerian forward: Ike Uche from Getafe.

arnie123 said that Berbatov has been sold to AC Milan and Disconosebleed from SC said that Huddlestone is available for transfer, as well as birthdays, weddings and bamitzvahs. Offered to a Prem club - this was from 7th May.

Johnnydx85 said, one day later, that Berbatov is 100% off, Comolli will be sacked soon as Mr Levy doesn't like him and whilst not liking him, he's in Portugal buying a midfielder. Johnny assumed it was Veloso and told us to enjoy the rest of our days. Nice.

JurgenTheGerman gave us an even more entertaining twist to the Berbatov saga in that Shaun Wright-Phillips and Nicolas 'The Sulk' Anelka could be involved in a deal.

GGSpur on COYS said that Comolli had been to South America four times in the last few weeks, so he's got some serious air miles going on. Dan Ashcroft gave us an essay of ITK, Berbatov being biddily accepted. They are coming from Milan, Fiorentina and Athletico. None over £20m. Fiorentina included Frey. Berbatov is not unhappy to stay, it's the pressure from his nation to follow in other's footsteps. Kameni is not on our shortlist, and we've never wanted Diarra. Jarque wants to move to us. Veloso meeting on the cards and some sort of provisional agreement on the cards, perhaps heads of terms supposes Stoof. Disco Taarabt has not requested a move. Names scouting/scouted: Howson, Obertan, Fornaroli, Hugh, Pugh, Barney, McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble. No Grub. Exits for Lee, Chimbonda, Stalteri ( ) Gardner and Rocha in the biggest exodus of defenders ever. All incomings will be big money signings. Yay.

Archibald on this very day said that we're after Joe Hart by offering Robbo and some cash. Kameni and Handonyourcockvic (Handacovic - seems he can't make up his mind on the spelling ) are on the radar as are Amelia and Stekelenberg. JurgenTheGerman also persisted with SWP and Anelka story.

Now go take a cold shower you dirty dirty whore.

Oh look, more rumours. Yay.

This was posted on GG.net via the Spurs Community.

"For those who don't know I work for a company(which can't be named) who have been a sponser of Tottenham for nearly 20 years.Yesterday our MD went up to the Lane to discuss the various packages we were looking to do this season,eg match day sponsers,how many places req'd in the Oak Room per match etc...It goes without saying that our MD gets on famously with the clubs commercial department.As per normal the minute my MD gets back I drive him mad for any info,being a fellow Spur and all that he's very obliging.Anyway,he found out yesterday that we are going ahead with building a 60,000 seater stadium at WHL,it should be ready by 2011/2012,because of the way they are planning the building work we will be able to carry on playing at the Lane for most of it, except for one season.For that season we have arranged to play our home games at the MK Dons ground,it apparantly holds 25,000 (which covers the season tickets allocation according to the commercial manager) it also has room for 2,000 corporates which should cover the demand.He told us that the club are going to be announcing this in the next couple of weeks.

On the transfer front he said we were sniffing around Bentley,he said Berbs is definately off,and that two players Ramos wants out are Chimbo and Lennon.I must add,before Santini took over he told my MD that Martin O'Neill was a done deal to be our next boss so take his transfer ITK with a pinch of salt as I don't think he privvy to that sort of information,however,with regards to the stadium and a ground share he'll be in the loop as it concerns his department in a big big way.

I'm just passin on what we've been told yesterday,take or leave it,and any questions will be a waste of time coz I've given up all I know,and I didn't do a single song lyric whilst doing it! Sorry all you cryptic fans!!"

Someone on Glory Glory should have, a long time ago, made footnotes of everyone who claims to know someone who either works at Spurs or knows someone who works at Spurs. Could have devised a family tree of ITK and club insiders.

I'm certain there's been about 200 different people who have leaked info from within WHL.

I think that just about sums it up, imo.

Still waiting...

Right. I’m back. So all three of you who read this forum can now sit back and enjoy the ramblings of an inane frustrated fan who has yet again sold out by parting with nearly £700 for yet another year of heart-attacks, positioned just behind the goal in the South Lower.

Where do I begin?

Latest whorage taking places has all manners of different streams of in the know info all suggesting that Bentley (wants to move down south) and Diarra (this story just won't go away) are both Spurs bound. If this happens, along with Modric and possibly another defender – I can comfortably bet £10 on Spurs finishing 5th again.

The real test begins now for Ramos. Last year, after the Milk Cup final win, everyone switched off. The league was nothing more than a circus. Spurs still have tumours that need removing. But with the right players (and thus right mentality) we won’t be guilty of embarrassing collapses that usually begin in the midfield.

Lennon might be off. No major stories concerning the other dead men walking (Chimbonda, Robinson etc). But it’s early days yet. Apart from midfield and defender(s), we can do with another forward or two.

Bent might be off (if we can mug someone the same way Charlton mugged us off) and Berbatov could well decide to join the first Champs League team who make a bid for him. The 1% chance of him staying based on the type of players we sign is nothing more than a dream. If he stayed it would be because and only because we would finish 4th – and that won’t happen. Not unless one of the current Big Four hiccup badly.

Away, again

Excellent. Made even better with the scum getting WBA at home. Should be a larf, the Boro at the Riverside. I'm sure our fans will enjoy the day out. Their fans and police know how to show us a good time.

Chelsea, 4th game of the season and Arsenal not too long after that. I'll have the excuses ready by the start of the season.

Busy

Developing the forum:

www.rumourwhores.com

In for a busy week

Dos Santos set to sign, along with possibly two other players. If those two other players equate to a keeper and a DM, then I'll be quite happy. Once Berbatov decides where he wants to be, we can then make a further signing.

What's keeping me skipping at the moment is the rumour that Comolli may leave the club.

Happy days.....maybe.