Everyone seems to have an opinion on the Sol Campbell abuse. Refs, The FA, Rio Ferdinand, the police, Peter Tatchell, Brian Reade's rant and the rest of the knee-jerking media hacks. And David Mellor, who thinks the return game at WHL should be played behind closed doors. Yeah, great idea David. Let's punish the majority for what a few hundred fans sang. Maybe we can retrospectively punish your beloved Chelsea and have them play their next 100 games behind closed doors for decades of hissing and Auschwitz songs?
Munich, Harold Shipman, Ashley Cole and mobile phones - you could spend a day listing chants that could be categorised as abusive (to the targeted individual or a group of people). But the media, police and the players who get the brunt of it shrug, count their thousands upon thousands of notes sitting in their bank accounts and the following week run out onto the pitch and do it again.
For the 1000th time, I'm not defending the song that was sang for Campbell's benefit. That same song that's been sang for a few years now without ever making the backpages. And I'm not defending Campbell, who is obviously feeling a little fragile and feels the need to once more play the victim. Has Arsene Wenger ever made any complaints about the songs aimed at him by a number of fans from different clubs? No. Because he knows the people that sang them are football fans.
What makes all of this coverage even more ridiculous, is the media who, lets face it - are a joke. Made up of Man Utd fans (don't roll your eyes), they practically called all Man City fans as scum for singing Munich songs, using their back-pages as a tool of control stating that if anyone chanted that song at the 50th Munich Commemoration when City visited Old Trafford, they would be hung, drawn and quartered - banned for life. Nothing mentioned about the fact that City are proactive and ban anyone at Eastlands for singing it. And not a whisper of the Hillsborough, Heysel and Leeds (fans killed in Turkey) songs Utd fans sing every week.
Hypocrisy at its English finest.
Cast your minds back to last year when Spurs played Utd at OT. The Utd fans (a minority of them, right?) started hissing. We've heard that before of course. Nothing new. But the day they choose to do so was on International Holocaust Memorial Day. That kind of pales Sol Campbell's crying into insignificance, but God forbid anyone writes about that.
Saturday, 11 October 2008
RIP San Jose
We've formed an extensive partnership with the MLS soccer team, the San Jose Earthquakes. This is an extract from the official site announcement:
The agreement will focus on football and commercial development that will see the implementation of a best practice exchange programme, with the objective of creating a lasting bond between the two clubs.
Tottenham Hotspur will invest time and resources into the development of San Jose Earthquakes on and off the pitch as well as working across charity and community based initiatives.
Invest time and resource into the development of San Jose? How about spending some time and resource in Tottenham fucking Hotspur? You know, bottom of the Premiership Tottenham. The announcement gets funnier, if you hadn't guessed already.
Our aim is to support the development of MLS by using our wealth of experience in the game on a number of levels. Football development will certainly be an integral part of the partnership, but other areas of our infrastructure will be beneficial models such as the work we do in the community with the Tottenham Hotspur Foundation.
Ok, let me ask the question. What wealth and experience? Wealth, sure. All the money we make accepting bids for our top players. But experience? On a number of levels? Tapping up managers? Forcing clubs to make donations to the Tottenham foundation? Introducing a DoF system that undermines the coach?
Fuck me, are San Jose any good, because the shit is about to hit the fan for them?
This time last season
We were third from bottom, with 5 points. Just three points better than the position we are in now.
Last season we had Berbatov and Keane. This season we have neither.
This blog post is depressing.
Last season we had Berbatov and Keane. This season we have neither.
This blog post is depressing.
Friday, 10 October 2008
2010: A Spurs Odyssey
Dear Mr Levy,
You truly are a God amongst men. I have shivers running down my spine. Such is the positivity, from fans and the media.
Edgar Davids, the Dutch midfield legend, in the Lilywhite shirt.
Jermain Defoe, England’s most promising, prolific young striker.
Ledley King, one of England’s strongest, quickest and most reliable centre backs. All the top top clubs are after him.
Michael Carrick, a midfielder who will compete within the England backbone for years to come.
Top internationals in all positions and players with Champions League experience.
England’s number one, on a 7 year contract.
The nucleus of the England U19/U23 team.
Competition for every position from established stars and young internationals.
Pundits treating us with respect and quoting us as genuine would-be contenders to the Top 4.
A realistic destination for top players. Players – experienced or promising talents – want to join us.
We have ridden the crisis of our Sporting Director defecting to Chelsea. The impact of his departure is almost as if it didn’t happen.
Martin Jol. Legend. A man who turned down his dream job in his native country due to the passion for the job at WHL.
And you, Mr Levy. A chairman who acts with courage and dignity and has the overwhelming support of the fans.
And if that wasn’t all, over at Arsenal, things are looking grim.
They’ve lost their talismanic captain.
Their key transfer target has snubbed them for a bigger club in Spain.
Key remaining players are in contract disputes.
They have yet another player with a prison sentence hanging over him.
They have abandoned their famous shirt for the new season.
And they are soon to be moving from Highbury to an even more soul-less library.
This is a good time to be a Tottenham fan. We are not building a squad. We are building a dynasty. The future is bright, the future is white.
That was July 2005.
Let’s jump ahead to October 2008.
We have no defensive midfielder.
We lack firepower and understanding upfront, hoofing the ball to the forwards.
Ledley king is crocked and hardly plays.
Carrick is at United. We do have Jenas and Zokora though.
We still have internationals. Like Tom Huddlestone.
We’ve replaced England’s number one with the Brazilian version.
The nucleus of the England U19/U23 isn’t relevant if the Spurs 'kids' never make it into the first team.
Little competition exists, due to us selling players and not replacing them. The competition then turn up in Sunderland shirts and beat us.
Pundits, who did predict success for us, have swept that under the carpet, and prefer to point and laugh. No respect is forthcoming.
We are a realistic destination for panic buys.
We have a DoF system that doesn’t work and is proving to be the catalyst for disaster.
Juande Ramos. Spanish, and unable to speak English, 100% of the time. Looks detached from the on-field mess.
And you, Mr Levy. A chairman obsessed with profit margins and business rather than football progression. What happened to speculate to accumulate?
And if that wasn’t all, over at Arsenal, things are looking more than decent.
They have Theo Walcott.
They have bought the new Zidane.
Key players (Adebayor) have settled their differences and remained at the club.
They have several young super-kids making the grade, and looking great for the future.
They play with pride and passion in their red and white shirts.
The Emirates is still a Library, but they are never short of a good read.
This is not a good time to be a Tottenham fan. We have a decimated squad. Dynasty? This is more like The Colbys. An utter utter shambles. The future is bleak, the future is chocolate brown.
Let’s skip ahead to March 2010.
We have finally have a defensive midfielder. Didier Zokora. He is kicking lumps out of the opposition.
The re-signed Raziak is knocking the goals in for fun with the prolific Kevin Doyle by his side.
Captain Dawson leads us from the back.
No one misses Jermaine Jenas, who signed for West Ham United and is now an England regular (keeping Lampard out of the team). Who needs him with Marney and Reid back in our midfield and the work ethic of Nigel Quashie?
Huddlestone marshals the midfield, dominating the Opta Stats.
Alnwick is a legend in goal.
We don’t have the nucleus of the England U19/U23 teams, but we do have some great discounted bagels in the West Stand
We have a ton of competition thanks mainly to our new transfer policy (Robbie Savage on a free).
Pundits have us down as genuine title winning contenders.
No DoF. Just Terry Venables as our Sporting Director.
And ex-Intertoto Spurs legend, Alan Pardew as coach.
And Steve Nash. A chairman who is leading us clear of the opposition. Eighteen points clear, and well on course to claiming the Football League Coca-Cola Championship.
Champions. Title winners. Open bus parade. Updated version of the Opus on the cards. The cockerel is strutting and crowing.
WE’VE GOT OUR TOTTENHAM BACK!
And now back to the present day, October 2008.
I wonder what the future holds Daniel? I hope your legacy - your five year plan - works out just fine.
Regards,
Spooky
You truly are a God amongst men. I have shivers running down my spine. Such is the positivity, from fans and the media.
Edgar Davids, the Dutch midfield legend, in the Lilywhite shirt.
Jermain Defoe, England’s most promising, prolific young striker.
Ledley King, one of England’s strongest, quickest and most reliable centre backs. All the top top clubs are after him.
Michael Carrick, a midfielder who will compete within the England backbone for years to come.
Top internationals in all positions and players with Champions League experience.
England’s number one, on a 7 year contract.
The nucleus of the England U19/U23 team.
Competition for every position from established stars and young internationals.
Pundits treating us with respect and quoting us as genuine would-be contenders to the Top 4.
A realistic destination for top players. Players – experienced or promising talents – want to join us.
We have ridden the crisis of our Sporting Director defecting to Chelsea. The impact of his departure is almost as if it didn’t happen.
Martin Jol. Legend. A man who turned down his dream job in his native country due to the passion for the job at WHL.
And you, Mr Levy. A chairman who acts with courage and dignity and has the overwhelming support of the fans.
And if that wasn’t all, over at Arsenal, things are looking grim.
They’ve lost their talismanic captain.
Their key transfer target has snubbed them for a bigger club in Spain.
Key remaining players are in contract disputes.
They have yet another player with a prison sentence hanging over him.
They have abandoned their famous shirt for the new season.
And they are soon to be moving from Highbury to an even more soul-less library.
This is a good time to be a Tottenham fan. We are not building a squad. We are building a dynasty. The future is bright, the future is white.
That was July 2005.
Let’s jump ahead to October 2008.
We have no defensive midfielder.
We lack firepower and understanding upfront, hoofing the ball to the forwards.
Ledley king is crocked and hardly plays.
Carrick is at United. We do have Jenas and Zokora though.
We still have internationals. Like Tom Huddlestone.
We’ve replaced England’s number one with the Brazilian version.
The nucleus of the England U19/U23 isn’t relevant if the Spurs 'kids' never make it into the first team.
Little competition exists, due to us selling players and not replacing them. The competition then turn up in Sunderland shirts and beat us.
Pundits, who did predict success for us, have swept that under the carpet, and prefer to point and laugh. No respect is forthcoming.
We are a realistic destination for panic buys.
We have a DoF system that doesn’t work and is proving to be the catalyst for disaster.
Juande Ramos. Spanish, and unable to speak English, 100% of the time. Looks detached from the on-field mess.
And you, Mr Levy. A chairman obsessed with profit margins and business rather than football progression. What happened to speculate to accumulate?
And if that wasn’t all, over at Arsenal, things are looking more than decent.
They have Theo Walcott.
They have bought the new Zidane.
Key players (Adebayor) have settled their differences and remained at the club.
They have several young super-kids making the grade, and looking great for the future.
They play with pride and passion in their red and white shirts.
The Emirates is still a Library, but they are never short of a good read.
This is not a good time to be a Tottenham fan. We have a decimated squad. Dynasty? This is more like The Colbys. An utter utter shambles. The future is bleak, the future is chocolate brown.
Let’s skip ahead to March 2010.
We have finally have a defensive midfielder. Didier Zokora. He is kicking lumps out of the opposition.
The re-signed Raziak is knocking the goals in for fun with the prolific Kevin Doyle by his side.
Captain Dawson leads us from the back.
No one misses Jermaine Jenas, who signed for West Ham United and is now an England regular (keeping Lampard out of the team). Who needs him with Marney and Reid back in our midfield and the work ethic of Nigel Quashie?
Huddlestone marshals the midfield, dominating the Opta Stats.
Alnwick is a legend in goal.
We don’t have the nucleus of the England U19/U23 teams, but we do have some great discounted bagels in the West Stand
We have a ton of competition thanks mainly to our new transfer policy (Robbie Savage on a free).
Pundits have us down as genuine title winning contenders.
No DoF. Just Terry Venables as our Sporting Director.
And ex-Intertoto Spurs legend, Alan Pardew as coach.
And Steve Nash. A chairman who is leading us clear of the opposition. Eighteen points clear, and well on course to claiming the Football League Coca-Cola Championship.
Champions. Title winners. Open bus parade. Updated version of the Opus on the cards. The cockerel is strutting and crowing.
WE’VE GOT OUR TOTTENHAM BACK!
And now back to the present day, October 2008.
I wonder what the future holds Daniel? I hope your legacy - your five year plan - works out just fine.
Regards,
Spooky
Tabloid rumour of the day
Juventus have added Tottenham midfielder Luka Modric to their January hitlist, according to reports in Italy.
Claudio Ranieri's side are ready to make a move for the Croatian playmaker, who has failed to impress since his £16.6m move from Dinamo Zagreb, when the transfer window reopens.
Spurs manager Juande Ramos has struggled to accomodate Modric in his line-up and Juventus are ready to test his resolve with a £30m bid.
Corriere dello Sport says Juve chiefs are desperate to find a playmaker after pulling out of a deal to sign Liverpool's Xabi Alonso in the summer.
More mad-up mayhem from the press. Although Levy might get a little turned on with the amount of profit he could make if he agreed to this. If, of course, it formed some part of reality. Which it doesn't.
Does it?
Wednesday, 8 October 2008
Pav Update
Just how thick is Roman Pavlyuchenko? About £14M worth of thick.
After a hectic Russian domestic season and a sudden move from Moscow to London, Roman at no point since his Spurs debut has looked match-fit. 75% at a stretch. And thanks to Tottenham's dithering and additional alleged agent interference (which meant his Russian team-mate Andrei Arshavin stayed at Zenit rather than paraded around at White Hart lane), he has yet to settle down in London. Like any player from a far-away land, things don't always come together quickly.
Three weeks rest would be the best option, but the player has demanded a second opinion. Basically, he will dismiss the doctors who are paid by the people that pay his wages, and will accept the decision made by the doctors that look after the Russian players.
Ankle ligament trouble, yet he prefers to play. He could quite possibly aggravate the injury further and spend more time out for Spurs. Not that the lack of other striker options is his fault.
As for Guus Hiddink, please do one.
The player, considering his form, should take the oppurtinity to shut the fuck up and rest.
After a hectic Russian domestic season and a sudden move from Moscow to London, Roman at no point since his Spurs debut has looked match-fit. 75% at a stretch. And thanks to Tottenham's dithering and additional alleged agent interference (which meant his Russian team-mate Andrei Arshavin stayed at Zenit rather than paraded around at White Hart lane), he has yet to settle down in London. Like any player from a far-away land, things don't always come together quickly.
Three weeks rest would be the best option, but the player has demanded a second opinion. Basically, he will dismiss the doctors who are paid by the people that pay his wages, and will accept the decision made by the doctors that look after the Russian players.
Ankle ligament trouble, yet he prefers to play. He could quite possibly aggravate the injury further and spend more time out for Spurs. Not that the lack of other striker options is his fault.
As for Guus Hiddink, please do one.
The player, considering his form, should take the oppurtinity to shut the fuck up and rest.
Pav out for three weeks
Down to just the two forwards now. We're doing are very best to make things even more tricky for ourselves.
Tuesday, 7 October 2008
Agent Comolli speaks
Ok. Lets try this again. We lost to Boro, then Sunderland but drew at Chelsea...so that's one point....
Interviewed, Comolli tells everyone we are united. Very apt. The exact PR friendly blurb is as follows:
"We share the responsibilities. We are all together supporting each other and I'm sure we will turn it around.
We need stability. We don't need change. We need to get results.
As a club we are very united - the board and the coaching staff, the players and the coaching staff, and the players and the board. We are in this together so we don't want to single out anyone.
We are not getting the results we thought we would get, but we are working hard and we are all committed in the club to getting it right and fixing it.
My relationship with Juande is excellent, as always.
That is all speculation. We don't talk about that inside the club. We just want to get out of this tricky situation."
Would be mighty embarrassing if someone gets trigger-happy after the Stoke game in a couple of weekends time. Trying to decipher this message of togetherness (yeah, I'm cynical if you haven't noticed) is tricky. Comolli is the spokesman when Levy doesn't want to get his hands dirty. Get a goodwill message out in the open, get the press off our backs and work towards that miracle first win.
Lose, and lose again and maybe again - you wonder if the chairman will be making the next 'Let's not panic' official statement - because if Ramos isn't the one to be sacrificed, then ridding the club of Comolli might just do the trick. Not that an immediate positive impact on the field will result with the Frenchmen's departure. Damien's devastating work occurs within the transfer window.
The other far more scary alternative scenario is that Levy/Ramos/Comolli are bestest mates and this summer was a unified well planned attempt to progress the club.
Ha, yeah righto.
tabloid round-up
Headlines from today's rags.
Well, if you think back to the Ramos appointment Levy did say that Comolli wanted him at the club as he is the perfect 'coach' to work in a DoF structure thus allowing Levy a bullet-proof patsy if things don't go well. Sacking him would help appease all the disgruntlment, although people are stupid. Fact is, if Comolli is a failure who has been allowed to spend so much money, should the person who appointed him not be made accountable?
Probablity Factor: 8/10
Dear God, not the dreaded 'vote of confidence'? Wondering how much of this is just speculation. Nobody knows, unless Levy is directly quoted as confirming he said this. Can't imagine the chairman rushing down to the dressing rooms to tell the coach not to fret.
Probability Factor: 3/10
This is just shit journalism.
Really? Anything to do with him being the current number 2 at Spurs? Honestly, the deduction skills of the Daily Mirror astonish me. I was half expecting Spurs to invite Mitchell Thomas to take over as care-taker. Gutted.
Probabilty Factor: 11/10
More lazy journalism. Bentley should be furious with himself and his own form, being the reason he is not in the England squad. Yeah, I know, Ramos has played him out of position - not ideal, but regardless he hasn't shown anything to warrant a first team place in his natural right-wing position.
Tottenham are set to fire sporting director Damien Comolli, who has angered manager Juande Ramos with his transfer dealings. (The Sun)
Well, if you think back to the Ramos appointment Levy did say that Comolli wanted him at the club as he is the perfect 'coach' to work in a DoF structure thus allowing Levy a bullet-proof patsy if things don't go well. Sacking him would help appease all the disgruntlment, although people are stupid. Fact is, if Comolli is a failure who has been allowed to spend so much money, should the person who appointed him not be made accountable?
Probablity Factor: 8/10
But Ramos has been given a personal assurance by Spurs chairman Daniel Levy that he will be given time to turn the club around. (Daily Mirror)
Ramos was told not to worry about his future by Levy immediately after Spurs' defeat by Hull City on Sunday. (Daily Star)
Dear God, not the dreaded 'vote of confidence'? Wondering how much of this is just speculation. Nobody knows, unless Levy is directly quoted as confirming he said this. Can't imagine the chairman rushing down to the dressing rooms to tell the coach not to fret.
Probability Factor: 3/10
There is boardroom unrest at Tottenham about the role Levy has played in the club's worst start to the season since 1912 after he gave the green light to Dimitar Berbatov's £30m deadline-day move to Manchester United. (Daily Mail)
This is just shit journalism.
Tottenham's first-team coach Gus Poyet is the man most likely to replace Ramos if the Spaniard does leave White Hart Lane. (Daily Mirror)
Really? Anything to do with him being the current number 2 at Spurs? Honestly, the deduction skills of the Daily Mirror astonish me. I was half expecting Spurs to invite Mitchell Thomas to take over as care-taker. Gutted.
Probabilty Factor: 11/10
Spurs' £15m winger David Bentley is furious with Ramos because he feels his manager's rotation policy is the reason he has been left out of Fabio Capello's latest England squad. (Daily Express)
More lazy journalism. Bentley should be furious with himself and his own form, being the reason he is not in the England squad. Yeah, I know, Ramos has played him out of position - not ideal, but regardless he hasn't shown anything to warrant a first team place in his natural right-wing position.
UEFA Cup Draw
GROUP D: TOTTENHAM, Spartak Moscow, Udinese, Dinamo Zagreb, NEC Nijmegen.
Top three go through. Much prefer our group than the ones Villa, Pompey and City got. Pompey have to deal with Milan and Villa will see themselves up against Martin Jol's Hamburg (odds on us playing Hamburg in a latter round?). I actually fancy them (the Germans), Milan or Liege to win it this season. Although Sevilla can't be discounted (odds on us playing them in a latter round?).
Anyways, not saying ours is an easy group, but it won't be too difficult if we wake up and start playing well. An on-form Spurs side (remember those days?) won't have trouble qualifying. The current 'form' Spurs side won't pick up more than 2 points (there's that number again).
Like the way the draw sees us up against Pav and Modric's former clubs. Not that Pav can play. All down to Campbell and Bent to lead us to glory.
Cough.
Also, if anyone can explain how the draw works, let me know.
Top three go through. Much prefer our group than the ones Villa, Pompey and City got. Pompey have to deal with Milan and Villa will see themselves up against Martin Jol's Hamburg (odds on us playing Hamburg in a latter round?). I actually fancy them (the Germans), Milan or Liege to win it this season. Although Sevilla can't be discounted (odds on us playing them in a latter round?).
Anyways, not saying ours is an easy group, but it won't be too difficult if we wake up and start playing well. An on-form Spurs side (remember those days?) won't have trouble qualifying. The current 'form' Spurs side won't pick up more than 2 points (there's that number again).
Like the way the draw sees us up against Pav and Modric's former clubs. Not that Pav can play. All down to Campbell and Bent to lead us to glory.
Cough.
Also, if anyone can explain how the draw works, let me know.
Can I kick it?
"Bookings now being taken for October half-term courses"
Why limit this to 14 and 16 year olds? There's a bunch of 20-somethings that could do with learning the basics.
I blame the OPUS
How long has it been since the last Spurs/Titanic joke? Is it ok for me to make yet another reference? Hell, of course it is. If all the tabloids can photo-shop Ramos and Poyet's heads onto Di Caprio and Winslet then I can make cheap joke after cheap joke too.
See, if you think the starting eleven was the first thing at the club to hit rock bottom, then you've guessed wrong, because the £4000 Opus sank to the depths a fair while ago.
You remember the Opus, right? It's the book that can't be read without gloves. Its that huge heavy glossy thing that makes an appearance at half-time at the Lane every other week, along with a former 'legend' who marvels at the sheer volume of its content. You might have bought a £2 raffle ticket in the vein attempt to win it, because you forgot the four grand loose change you usually keep in your back pocket when visiting the Spurs shop.
The Opus. The Huddlestone of books. Have you ever seen it move? I'm going to hazard a guess and say they've given away more than they've managed to sell. Credit crunch and all, I can't even see the Merc driving West-Standers forking out their Sterling for this coffee-table-breaking monstrosity.
It's cursed. And its bloated. Testament to the Levy/Comolli partnership.
See, if you think the starting eleven was the first thing at the club to hit rock bottom, then you've guessed wrong, because the £4000 Opus sank to the depths a fair while ago.
You remember the Opus, right? It's the book that can't be read without gloves. Its that huge heavy glossy thing that makes an appearance at half-time at the Lane every other week, along with a former 'legend' who marvels at the sheer volume of its content. You might have bought a £2 raffle ticket in the vein attempt to win it, because you forgot the four grand loose change you usually keep in your back pocket when visiting the Spurs shop.
The Opus. The Huddlestone of books. Have you ever seen it move? I'm going to hazard a guess and say they've given away more than they've managed to sell. Credit crunch and all, I can't even see the Merc driving West-Standers forking out their Sterling for this coffee-table-breaking monstrosity.
It's cursed. And its bloated. Testament to the Levy/Comolli partnership.
Disfunction of Football
Cannot disagree with this:
And yet Levy swears by his precious DoF system. Even though history tells another story altogether. Look at Hoddles reign, where one blamed the other for the failings of the team. It's almost like a Director of Football is there to legislate who comes and goes by sanctioning transfers - having the final say on whether its a green or red light. It's a safety net to protect Levy's far more important ethos of 'what's best for the business' - rather than what's best for the footballing team.
Yes, our finances are in great shape. But losing sight of what happens on the pitch can result in losing status as a top flight club. Which means those fantastic finances turn to shit. And all because of an extra few million not being spent because 'our' valuation of players did not match the clubs we were attempting to sign them from. Which cost us a certain Russian forward (or maybe it was agent interference) and one or two other players that we could really do with at he minute.
So what's the answer? Simply put, keep things simple. Have a chief scout, call him a DoF if you really find that title sexy, but have him as nothing more than someone who scouts and updates the coach/manager on targets. If Ramos wants a player, and wants him bad, then we sign him on the strength of what he wants - rather than what Comolli thinks we need.
And if all fails - then the manager is the responsible one. No blame game.
I don't see the risk. I know what Levy would say. He'd say that we need a DoF system to make sure things do not go out of control, money wise, over-spending and turning into another Leeds Utd.
There's this quote that usually does the rounds every now and again in newspaper articles about Levy. It's something like 'I'll never let another Rebrov happen to this club again' (if anyone has the correct quote, please feel free to share).
What Levy means is that the club won't go out and spend so much money on a player that proves to be an unmitigated disaster. But unless my memory serves me wrong, Rebrov was a Pleat signing, and Hoddle didn't rate him. So is this not a DoF error?
And with the DoF in place we've spend £16.5M on Darren Bent and £14M on Pav and £15M (maybe more) on Bentley.....and so on.
Fair enough if we are asking Ramos 'do you want this player?' - but hands up if you believe that's how it works?
There was a wonderful Martin Jol interview in the broadsheets this past weekend (Sunday Times). And the stand out quote from the big huggable man?
"I knew Comolli was trying to get Ramos in the summer, even when we had just finished fifth.”
So was the start we had down to the politics behind the scenes? It's the picture painted by Martin and preached by a number of Spurs fans. The way we went Ramos-chasing, led by Kemsley, suggests Levy got a little bit too ambitious too early. See the fundamental problem here is that if Comolli really knee-deep in these type of discussion making then it's suggestive that the DoF is the most important role at the club. The club's 'drive'. And that the coach is secondary to this Holy position.
The DoF selects the coach. The coach has to be compatible with the DoF. The DoF buys the players (Kaboul, KPB for example) rather than the coaches choice in players (Petrov, for example). And when it turns to shit, the coach is the scape-goat.
But with one failure following another, this is now far too transparent (if it wasn't before to the most blind of fans).
Will Levy admit defeat? Of course not. If Ramos goes, then another willing 'coach' will arrive and the same cycle of disfunction will begin. Much like the snake swallowing its own tail, at some point soon, there be nothing left.
Paul Duffen, the Hull chairman and a Tottenham fan, said:
“The idea of a director of football is very amusing to us. The clubs with the biggest problems in this country have directors of football.
“I feel you need a shallow hierarchy, total accountability, with nowhere to hide, good communication and you don't want an interim layer between the boardroom and the management. The extra layer tends to obviate responsibility and nobody really knows who is accountable."
And yet Levy swears by his precious DoF system. Even though history tells another story altogether. Look at Hoddles reign, where one blamed the other for the failings of the team. It's almost like a Director of Football is there to legislate who comes and goes by sanctioning transfers - having the final say on whether its a green or red light. It's a safety net to protect Levy's far more important ethos of 'what's best for the business' - rather than what's best for the footballing team.
Yes, our finances are in great shape. But losing sight of what happens on the pitch can result in losing status as a top flight club. Which means those fantastic finances turn to shit. And all because of an extra few million not being spent because 'our' valuation of players did not match the clubs we were attempting to sign them from. Which cost us a certain Russian forward (or maybe it was agent interference) and one or two other players that we could really do with at he minute.
So what's the answer? Simply put, keep things simple. Have a chief scout, call him a DoF if you really find that title sexy, but have him as nothing more than someone who scouts and updates the coach/manager on targets. If Ramos wants a player, and wants him bad, then we sign him on the strength of what he wants - rather than what Comolli thinks we need.
And if all fails - then the manager is the responsible one. No blame game.
I don't see the risk. I know what Levy would say. He'd say that we need a DoF system to make sure things do not go out of control, money wise, over-spending and turning into another Leeds Utd.
There's this quote that usually does the rounds every now and again in newspaper articles about Levy. It's something like 'I'll never let another Rebrov happen to this club again' (if anyone has the correct quote, please feel free to share).
What Levy means is that the club won't go out and spend so much money on a player that proves to be an unmitigated disaster. But unless my memory serves me wrong, Rebrov was a Pleat signing, and Hoddle didn't rate him. So is this not a DoF error?
And with the DoF in place we've spend £16.5M on Darren Bent and £14M on Pav and £15M (maybe more) on Bentley.....and so on.
Fair enough if we are asking Ramos 'do you want this player?' - but hands up if you believe that's how it works?
There was a wonderful Martin Jol interview in the broadsheets this past weekend (Sunday Times). And the stand out quote from the big huggable man?
"I knew Comolli was trying to get Ramos in the summer, even when we had just finished fifth.”
So was the start we had down to the politics behind the scenes? It's the picture painted by Martin and preached by a number of Spurs fans. The way we went Ramos-chasing, led by Kemsley, suggests Levy got a little bit too ambitious too early. See the fundamental problem here is that if Comolli really knee-deep in these type of discussion making then it's suggestive that the DoF is the most important role at the club. The club's 'drive'. And that the coach is secondary to this Holy position.
The DoF selects the coach. The coach has to be compatible with the DoF. The DoF buys the players (Kaboul, KPB for example) rather than the coaches choice in players (Petrov, for example). And when it turns to shit, the coach is the scape-goat.
But with one failure following another, this is now far too transparent (if it wasn't before to the most blind of fans).
Will Levy admit defeat? Of course not. If Ramos goes, then another willing 'coach' will arrive and the same cycle of disfunction will begin. Much like the snake swallowing its own tail, at some point soon, there be nothing left.
Look on the brightside
Back in 1912/13 season (that's 96 years ago, and the same year the Titanic sank - in case you've forgotten since the last time it was mentioned) Spurs recorded their worst start to a season ever (apart from the present 2009 season).......but did not get relegated. And we finished above the Woolwich.
I think this calls for an open bus parade.
I think this calls for an open bus parade.
Monday, 6 October 2008
It’s squeaky bum time
During the summer everyone – the tabloids, the broadsheets, the Gillette Soccer Saturday crew, football magazines and various wannabe pundits had Spurs down as their firm favs for 5th spot. The reason all of them are laughing at us now is because Only Spurs™ could fail so spectacularly.
Not only have we started badly, but we’ve timed it so well that the press can now make Titanic sinking jokes based on this being our worst start in 96 years. Is this the most diabolical team we’ve had? Or the worst management team? No. And it’s only 7 games in. Yes, Derby were in a better position this time last season, but nobody, not even those zany journalists are mentioning the ‘R’ word with true self-belief. Even rival fans are telling me that Spurs will drag their way out of the bottom three. This is simply only a little bit worse than last season start to the season.
But if they fail to win at Stoke, expect this to change. Because if confidence is bad now, it will be non-existent if we still have two points after our visit to the Victoria Ground (edit: By Victoria Ground, I obviously mean Britannia Stadium).
What makes things even more depressing is that this current group of players are the ones that have until January to turn things around, and if they don’t then that’s that. Nobody is going to want to come here in the new year if we are still languishing in the bottom three. The profile of the club will change completely with regards to transfers. We’ll have West Ham pinching our players. New ground? Why would we need 50,000 in the Championship? Hutton and Bale will be looking for a tap on their shoulders from Fergie and Jenas will still be telling everyone that we can make the Champions League.
Digging deep is what we’ve been expecting (based on what the coach and the players have been spouting) after every defeat, only to be presented with yet another defeat.
But sacking Ramos is not an option just yet. Not because it would cost the club a reported £15M, but because Levy cannot, in pure footballing terms, afford it. Martin Jol’s tenure was undermined and destroyed. We never did find out if he could take us to the next level or not (i.e. beating Arsenal). Ramos was the man that Comolli felt he could work with. Yet the shambolic transfer window activities have done nothing to improve the squad. Jol recently spoke about how there was a clear vision during his time there with regards to English players, and that team has been gutted and replaced with a mish-mash that has no true balance.
Pav is looking more and more like a panic buy, and you almost feel as sorry for him as you do for Modric who is clearly far too good a player for this current Spurs team as he spends most of his time laying off passes that his team-mates simply don’t have the virtue of accepting.
No leadership. Another painfully obvious problem.
So Levy, having gone out of his way, to get Ramos – has to allow Ramos that extra bit of time that is usually not given in such circumstances. If nothing happens in the next 3-4 games, then sadly the team is in such a state that the players are simply not responding to the manager and Ramos time may well be up. Though the blame will fall back into the lap of L&C.
Elsewhere, Defoe scored again. Robbie Keane played a part in a 3-2 comeback win for Liverpool. Dean Marney looked busy and purposeful (even hit the post) for Hull who, well, you know what they did. And Martin Jol's Hamburg won away, and remain top in Germany. And every player we deemed not good enough for us (Steed, Chimbonda) and the targets we scoffed at (Heskey, Crouch, Anton Ferdinand and a shedload of others) all continue to assist their teams while our ‘superstars’ struggle to raise their game to a respectful level.
Are we cursed? Has this been on the cards for years? With our generally poor away record over the past decade or so, when you suddenly stop winning home games, that ‘R’ word becomes a true threat.
Three points. At Stoke. It’s that simple, yet why does it look like it’s going to be so hard?
Not only have we started badly, but we’ve timed it so well that the press can now make Titanic sinking jokes based on this being our worst start in 96 years. Is this the most diabolical team we’ve had? Or the worst management team? No. And it’s only 7 games in. Yes, Derby were in a better position this time last season, but nobody, not even those zany journalists are mentioning the ‘R’ word with true self-belief. Even rival fans are telling me that Spurs will drag their way out of the bottom three. This is simply only a little bit worse than last season start to the season.
But if they fail to win at Stoke, expect this to change. Because if confidence is bad now, it will be non-existent if we still have two points after our visit to the Victoria Ground (edit: By Victoria Ground, I obviously mean Britannia Stadium).
What makes things even more depressing is that this current group of players are the ones that have until January to turn things around, and if they don’t then that’s that. Nobody is going to want to come here in the new year if we are still languishing in the bottom three. The profile of the club will change completely with regards to transfers. We’ll have West Ham pinching our players. New ground? Why would we need 50,000 in the Championship? Hutton and Bale will be looking for a tap on their shoulders from Fergie and Jenas will still be telling everyone that we can make the Champions League.
Digging deep is what we’ve been expecting (based on what the coach and the players have been spouting) after every defeat, only to be presented with yet another defeat.
But sacking Ramos is not an option just yet. Not because it would cost the club a reported £15M, but because Levy cannot, in pure footballing terms, afford it. Martin Jol’s tenure was undermined and destroyed. We never did find out if he could take us to the next level or not (i.e. beating Arsenal). Ramos was the man that Comolli felt he could work with. Yet the shambolic transfer window activities have done nothing to improve the squad. Jol recently spoke about how there was a clear vision during his time there with regards to English players, and that team has been gutted and replaced with a mish-mash that has no true balance.
Pav is looking more and more like a panic buy, and you almost feel as sorry for him as you do for Modric who is clearly far too good a player for this current Spurs team as he spends most of his time laying off passes that his team-mates simply don’t have the virtue of accepting.
No leadership. Another painfully obvious problem.
So Levy, having gone out of his way, to get Ramos – has to allow Ramos that extra bit of time that is usually not given in such circumstances. If nothing happens in the next 3-4 games, then sadly the team is in such a state that the players are simply not responding to the manager and Ramos time may well be up. Though the blame will fall back into the lap of L&C.
Elsewhere, Defoe scored again. Robbie Keane played a part in a 3-2 comeback win for Liverpool. Dean Marney looked busy and purposeful (even hit the post) for Hull who, well, you know what they did. And Martin Jol's Hamburg won away, and remain top in Germany. And every player we deemed not good enough for us (Steed, Chimbonda) and the targets we scoffed at (Heskey, Crouch, Anton Ferdinand and a shedload of others) all continue to assist their teams while our ‘superstars’ struggle to raise their game to a respectful level.
Are we cursed? Has this been on the cards for years? With our generally poor away record over the past decade or so, when you suddenly stop winning home games, that ‘R’ word becomes a true threat.
Three points. At Stoke. It’s that simple, yet why does it look like it’s going to be so hard?
Sunday, 5 October 2008
Juande Spurs will be good again.....maybe
Spurs 0 Hull 1
I usually write letters to the chairman, but today’s 0-1 home defeat by the mighty-newly-promoted-hardly-cost-a-penny Hull City has made me break out in song. I think it’s a bit more dramatic than crying or crawling into a corner and swaying back and forth very slowly.
Some emotional vocals and some tap-dancing on my season ticket really does help with raising a smile when no-one around you (anywhere you sit or stand at WHL) can muster one. And who would blame them at the minute? But music helps mend the heart.
Half-price bagels?
I’ll stop short of serenading Daniel Levy. Last time that happened I was arrested. Apparently singing ‘SACK THE BOARD’ at 4am in the morning outside his house is not permitted by law. This country is far too politically correct IMO. We won’t be able to breathe soon.
Another home defeat, in a game where we saw plenty of effort but no all important ball hitting the back of the net in Tottenham's favour. Desperate times at the Lane. Seven played, no win, two points. 20th. If they weren't last week, or the week before that, Bottomham are in deep trouble.
You know things are bad when you look up to Sunderland with a little green-eyed jealous. Watching Steed fighting for the ball, competing - along with his team mates. Mostly all ex-Spurs. Whilst we put up with a powerpuff midfield, who talk the talk but never seem capable of walking the walk. Although to be fair, effort was decent today. But it's the type of effort you associate with a newly promoted team who are doing their utmost to survive in the Prem - and not a team that has spent millions upon millions. But when you sit back and look at the bigger picture, £15M for a winger who sits on the bench would have been better spent on a defensive midfielder. Which is why Hull look more Prem and we stink of the Championship (no disrespect to the Championship, but if they were a fragrance they would be Brut, whilst the Prem would be Chanel. We stink of Brut. Gallons of it).
But hey, Levy and Comolli are the ones who make the decisions, so who am I to question their wage packet? Their big big wage packet.
As for the game stats that stand out: 16 shots on target, 10 off. Hit the post. Bent could of/should of scored. When luck doesn't smile her face at you, then you know that you truly are up against it.
And next up is Stoke. 8th game of the season and you can tag this as a 'Relegation Dogfight Six-pointer'. Hand on heart, can you see Spurs winning this game based on everything that's been dished out in the way of performances thus far this season? Don't answer that question. Just knowingly wink and nod at your monitor.
But what song is apt for such a miserable and tragic occasion that befalls us Spurs fans? How long would I spend having to find a song and then change the lyrics to make it Spurs related? Well, thanks to Rose Royce, not long at all. Seems this song was actually made for Tottenham. So much so, that I've hardly had to re-work the original. Such is its simplicity and majestic honesty.
South Stand, North Stand, East Stand and West.....actually, you lot don’t need to bother with the singing. But the rest of you, sing it loud and embrace our possible future head on. It’s more therapeutic than you might think.
"We’re Goin' Down" (Original lyrics by Rose Royce, re-worked by Spooky)
No win in our hands
What's going on here Daniel
You ain't got no footballing plans
No no no no
And Zokora and Jenas running
Around White Hart Lane
Is slowly, is slowly drivin' me insane
We’re goin' down
We’re goin' down
Cause you ain't bought a DM
My whole world's upside down
Passing the ball don't come easy
Daniel please believe me
Since you been here
Everything's goin' wrong
Why'd you have to have a Director of Football
Look what you've done to us
Will Ramos stop these tears from fallin' from my eyes
Ooh we are doomed
We’re goin' down
We’re goin' down
Cause we play with no style
My whole world's upside down
Oooh Lilywhites
goin' down, goin' down
Mmm ooh we’re goin' down
Ooh I, I...
We’re goin' down
We’re goin' down
Cause you sold Keane and Berbs
My whole world's upside down
Ooh, goin' down
Goin' down
Oh, I don't know what to do
~Spooky
I usually write letters to the chairman, but today’s 0-1 home defeat by the mighty-newly-promoted-hardly-cost-a-penny Hull City has made me break out in song. I think it’s a bit more dramatic than crying or crawling into a corner and swaying back and forth very slowly.
Some emotional vocals and some tap-dancing on my season ticket really does help with raising a smile when no-one around you (anywhere you sit or stand at WHL) can muster one. And who would blame them at the minute? But music helps mend the heart.
Half-price bagels?
I’ll stop short of serenading Daniel Levy. Last time that happened I was arrested. Apparently singing ‘SACK THE BOARD’ at 4am in the morning outside his house is not permitted by law. This country is far too politically correct IMO. We won’t be able to breathe soon.
Another home defeat, in a game where we saw plenty of effort but no all important ball hitting the back of the net in Tottenham's favour. Desperate times at the Lane. Seven played, no win, two points. 20th. If they weren't last week, or the week before that, Bottomham are in deep trouble.
You know things are bad when you look up to Sunderland with a little green-eyed jealous. Watching Steed fighting for the ball, competing - along with his team mates. Mostly all ex-Spurs. Whilst we put up with a powerpuff midfield, who talk the talk but never seem capable of walking the walk. Although to be fair, effort was decent today. But it's the type of effort you associate with a newly promoted team who are doing their utmost to survive in the Prem - and not a team that has spent millions upon millions. But when you sit back and look at the bigger picture, £15M for a winger who sits on the bench would have been better spent on a defensive midfielder. Which is why Hull look more Prem and we stink of the Championship (no disrespect to the Championship, but if they were a fragrance they would be Brut, whilst the Prem would be Chanel. We stink of Brut. Gallons of it).
But hey, Levy and Comolli are the ones who make the decisions, so who am I to question their wage packet? Their big big wage packet.
As for the game stats that stand out: 16 shots on target, 10 off. Hit the post. Bent could of/should of scored. When luck doesn't smile her face at you, then you know that you truly are up against it.
And next up is Stoke. 8th game of the season and you can tag this as a 'Relegation Dogfight Six-pointer'. Hand on heart, can you see Spurs winning this game based on everything that's been dished out in the way of performances thus far this season? Don't answer that question. Just knowingly wink and nod at your monitor.
But what song is apt for such a miserable and tragic occasion that befalls us Spurs fans? How long would I spend having to find a song and then change the lyrics to make it Spurs related? Well, thanks to Rose Royce, not long at all. Seems this song was actually made for Tottenham. So much so, that I've hardly had to re-work the original. Such is its simplicity and majestic honesty.
South Stand, North Stand, East Stand and West.....actually, you lot don’t need to bother with the singing. But the rest of you, sing it loud and embrace our possible future head on. It’s more therapeutic than you might think.
"We’re Goin' Down" (Original lyrics by Rose Royce, re-worked by Spooky)
No win in our hands
What's going on here Daniel
You ain't got no footballing plans
No no no no
And Zokora and Jenas running
Around White Hart Lane
Is slowly, is slowly drivin' me insane
We’re goin' down
We’re goin' down
Cause you ain't bought a DM
My whole world's upside down
Passing the ball don't come easy
Daniel please believe me
Since you been here
Everything's goin' wrong
Why'd you have to have a Director of Football
Look what you've done to us
Will Ramos stop these tears from fallin' from my eyes
Ooh we are doomed
We’re goin' down
We’re goin' down
Cause we play with no style
My whole world's upside down
Oooh Lilywhites
goin' down, goin' down
Mmm ooh we’re goin' down
Ooh I, I...
We’re goin' down
We’re goin' down
Cause you sold Keane and Berbs
My whole world's upside down
Ooh, goin' down
Goin' down
Oh, I don't know what to do
~Spooky
Titanic game at the Lane
The biggest game in our history ever. Lose to Hull City at White Hart Lane and the smell and smoke from the burning season tickets will cover N17 into indefinite darkness, with the faint light of Championship football bearing ever closer.
A recent photo of Tottenham Hotspur
It will be our worst start to a season since 1912. 96 years since the Titanic hit an iceberg and sank to the depths of the sea.
You couldn't make this shit up.
A recent photo of Tottenham HotspurIt will be our worst start to a season since 1912. 96 years since the Titanic hit an iceberg and sank to the depths of the sea.
You couldn't make this shit up.
Saturday, 4 October 2008
Caption Competition
Jermaine had never been so close to the football before, standing in awe, he pondered what it would be like to kick it.
THE BIGGEST GAME IN OUR HISTORY.....EVER™
Spurs v Hull
Lose this. And Spurs lose me.
At no point have we attempted to elevate our game to a respectable level. We have been consistently shit all season. Spurs need to put on a show. Reclaim some self-respect. Give something wholesome for the fans to sing.
There is simply no excuse in existence for defeat on Sunday.
Hull City. Clash of the Titans, hey? Bottomham Hotspur and three points. A marriage in limbo.
Step up. That's all we need you to do. Step up.
Lose this. And Spurs lose me.
At no point have we attempted to elevate our game to a respectable level. We have been consistently shit all season. Spurs need to put on a show. Reclaim some self-respect. Give something wholesome for the fans to sing.
There is simply no excuse in existence for defeat on Sunday.
Hull City. Clash of the Titans, hey? Bottomham Hotspur and three points. A marriage in limbo.
Step up. That's all we need you to do. Step up.
Friday, 3 October 2008
We love you Matthew, we do......
Matthew Norman, the rainbow of the Evening Standards sports section. His latest creation can be found here.
What jesting and tomfoolery you and your friends partake in. Leaving each other zany text messages. You kill me, you really do. But let’s be frank about this. There is no text message, is there? You’ve made it up for the sake of a hard-hitting, yet laced with mocking humour, dig at the mess the Lilywhites are in. Maybe next season, the money you save from not purchasing your season ticket in the West Stand can be spent on some creative writing lessons. Or a facelift.
Honestly, word of advice, either have a photo of yourself looking or at least pretending to be happy or don’t have one at all. You look like your face is about to collapse in on itself. I know things are rotten at the moment, but come on man, drag yourself up from the gutter of despair. Some day you might get that Sunday Supplement call-up.
I’d like to see phone records please.
Hold up, is this the same Jermain Defoe who so elegantly missed a penalty for Spurs at Upton Park? I know things are bad Mr Miseryguts, but let’s not drown ourselves in self-perpetuated gloom. We have enough of the real stuff to go round. This Ramos/Bent/Pav conundrum is nothing new. It’s been discussed and dissected more times than you’ve failed to smile at moments when it’s appropriate to do so (watch an episode of Curb your Enthusiasm – I guarantee you, you will laugh out loud).
As for the Campbell abuse, it’s an element we all agree is shameful. But let’s not tarnish the vast majority of Spurs fans with the same label the other idiots deserve.
This is the same Martin Jol who couldn’t quite reach the next level with regards to the psychological barrier that needed to be jumped for us to achieve some kind of glory (even though we grasped the Fisherprice type in the end with Ramos)? The problems behind the scenes started a while back, before the dizzying offer was made. So are you laughing at Spurs or are you ever so subtly pointing the finger of blame at Daniel Levy?
Good luck to Martin. But ‘what ifs’ are quintessentially what other fans laugh about, regarding Spurs fans. To Dare is to What if? Why even bring up Jol? Or is this the bit in your article where you pretend to be a West Ham or Chelsea fan, and ‘ave a larf at our expense? The one that got away.
I don’t get paid for my blog, and hardly anyone reads it, so when I summarise what everyone already knows, it doesn’t matter. But when a paid journalist does it, it’s like getting paid for having the ability to copy and paste.
What are you referring to? Are you privy to something? What false claims? Not defending the chants or the fans who chanted them, and – hypothetically speaking – if something was in fact true, it still wouldn’t make it right, singing about it in an abusive manner. But what you’ve done here is simply chickened out of saying anything with substance. Just a faint nod in the direction of what happened. Nothing more. You not going to say anything about the racist claims? Or the fact that Campbell has made claims of racism before, many years back , before his half-time disappearing act at Highbury. No? Because when he first made those claims, it backfired. Nobody believed him, because there was no racial chanting. He suggested we were racist because we boo'ed him and called him Judas. But let's sweep that under the carpet, yeah? Make it easier for you to write in the one-dimension.
I would like the media to highlight the 'You're Spurs and you know you are' chant, aimed at Defoe, who is black. I think its relevant.
Do you really, hand on heart, support Spurs? Really? Can you prove it? Can anyone prove to me that Matthew Norman is a Tottenham supporter? Apart from the miserable face, a common West Stand trait, is there any substantial proof? Because the above illustrates what a fan of, I don’t know - Arsenal perhaps, would say of the matter.
The rest of that almost-wanting-to-be-passionate rant is ok. It’s what I’ve been preaching for years. Hey, I almost felt like I was connecting with you there! Wow, I've come over all giddy. If you were a girl, we could meet up and have sex.
A credit crunch reference. It's like I'm on the train reading the Metro.
Again, do you mind looking at it from the perspective of a Tottenham fan? When Sheringham left the club, he told everyone he was going to leave. Completely up-front about it. Honest. We gave him plenty of digs when he returned in red colours, but he had the last laugh on everyone. And when he returned proper (he came home, his words) we took him back with open arms.
Now compare it to Campbell. He lied for two years, compounding it with various ‘why question my loyalty?’ soundbites. It was completely self-made, with additional misguided help from the esteemed Sky Andrews. So of course we hate him. Fans do not begrudge players who show a bit of honesty, who are upfront. It’s the ones who wear rival colours of a team they have yet to sign for or deceive those around them and do the dirty right at the death, with an earth-shattering curve-ball. Campbell is deserving of terrace ‘abuse’, but not the abuse he was subjected to at the Pompey game. I’m talking about chants of ‘wanker’ and 'Judas'. That’s still ok right, to call a player a wanker? Campbell owed us something regardless of him wanting to leave the club. But he was gutless to do it the right way. The very fact he is blind to what he did, immensely so, is testament to the type of man he is.
But we should move on, right?
And feel free to send me the season tickets. I can have a bonfire come final whistle on Sunday. We could toast some bagels and discuss impending life in the Championship. Happy days.
On Monday I awoke to find a message left on the mobile in the middle of the night by a friend whose voice suggested a little sorrow-drowning after events on the south coast the previous afternoon.
"All right, you won't pay the £2.99," it ran, "and I accept that was a silly price to ask. You can have them for 49p the pair, payable in instalments of 1p per annum over the next half century, which includes an additional penny as an interest payment."
The pair in question are, of course, season tickets for Tottenham Hotspur, the offer following a performance of barely credible spinelessness at Portsmouth.
What jesting and tomfoolery you and your friends partake in. Leaving each other zany text messages. You kill me, you really do. But let’s be frank about this. There is no text message, is there? You’ve made it up for the sake of a hard-hitting, yet laced with mocking humour, dig at the mess the Lilywhites are in. Maybe next season, the money you save from not purchasing your season ticket in the West Stand can be spent on some creative writing lessons. Or a facelift.
Honestly, word of advice, either have a photo of yourself looking or at least pretending to be happy or don’t have one at all. You look like your face is about to collapse in on itself. I know things are rotten at the moment, but come on man, drag yourself up from the gutter of despair. Some day you might get that Sunday Supplement call-up.
I rang back last night to check whether yesterday's thoroughly undeserved avoidance of UEFA Cup disaster in Poland had changed his mind. "Yes it has," he said. "I'll waive the interest."
I’d like to see phone records please.
At the end of a week in which two monstrously inept displays combined with an exhibition of vicious idiocy towards Sol Campbell to add an underlayer of visceral revulsion to the familiar top coat of bemused incompetence, it's hard to know where to start.
How about with the brutal irony that, within days of Jermain Defoe elegantly converting a penalty against the club that dispensed with him, fellow discards Robbie Keane and Dimitar Berbatov broke their scoring ducks in the Champions League while manager Juande Ramos feels unable to play Darren Bent, sole survivor of that Fab Four, alongside Roman Pavlyuchenko even when Spurs are trailing?
Hold up, is this the same Jermain Defoe who so elegantly missed a penalty for Spurs at Upton Park? I know things are bad Mr Miseryguts, but let’s not drown ourselves in self-perpetuated gloom. We have enough of the real stuff to go round. This Ramos/Bent/Pav conundrum is nothing new. It’s been discussed and dissected more times than you’ve failed to smile at moments when it’s appropriate to do so (watch an episode of Curb your Enthusiasm – I guarantee you, you will laugh out loud).
As for the Campbell abuse, it’s an element we all agree is shameful. But let’s not tarnish the vast majority of Spurs fans with the same label the other idiots deserve.
Or perhaps we can look to Germany, where Ramos's successor sits atop the Bundesliga with Hamburg? Martin Jol seems too good natured for schaudenfraude, but it's tempting to imagine a wry smile toying with the corners of his mouth.
This is the same Martin Jol who couldn’t quite reach the next level with regards to the psychological barrier that needed to be jumped for us to achieve some kind of glory (even though we grasped the Fisherprice type in the end with Ramos)? The problems behind the scenes started a while back, before the dizzying offer was made. So are you laughing at Spurs or are you ever so subtly pointing the finger of blame at Daniel Levy?
Good luck to Martin. But ‘what ifs’ are quintessentially what other fans laugh about, regarding Spurs fans. To Dare is to What if? Why even bring up Jol? Or is this the bit in your article where you pretend to be a West Ham or Chelsea fan, and ‘ave a larf at our expense? The one that got away.
Alternatively we might wonder whether, after a year in London, Ramos still speaks too little English to handle the post-match interviews, or whether he delegates them to the apparently deranged Gus Poyet, because they're beneath his dignity?
Then again, you could generalise, and wonder whether anyone at the club — the chairman Daniel Levy, survivalist "sporting director" Damien Comolli, Ramos and his players — has the faintest idea of what they are doing? But there, perhaps, the answer speaks for itself.
I don’t get paid for my blog, and hardly anyone reads it, so when I summarise what everyone already knows, it doesn’t matter. But when a paid journalist does it, it’s like getting paid for having the ability to copy and paste.
So I prefer to start and finish with those supporters whose Wildean wit extended on Sunday to chanting false claims about Sol Campbell.
What are you referring to? Are you privy to something? What false claims? Not defending the chants or the fans who chanted them, and – hypothetically speaking – if something was in fact true, it still wouldn’t make it right, singing about it in an abusive manner. But what you’ve done here is simply chickened out of saying anything with substance. Just a faint nod in the direction of what happened. Nothing more. You not going to say anything about the racist claims? Or the fact that Campbell has made claims of racism before, many years back , before his half-time disappearing act at Highbury. No? Because when he first made those claims, it backfired. Nobody believed him, because there was no racial chanting. He suggested we were racist because we boo'ed him and called him Judas. But let's sweep that under the carpet, yeah? Make it easier for you to write in the one-dimension.
I would like the media to highlight the 'You're Spurs and you know you are' chant, aimed at Defoe, who is black. I think its relevant.
Regardless of whether such chanting constitutes a crime (this may not be the ideal day to ask Sir Ian Blair about that), I offer this challenge to those who maintain a seething grudge over Campbell's departure for Arsenal in 2001.
Clarify for me exactly what Campbell would have gained by spending the last seven years at a club that sells its good strikers, keeps its poor ones and buys new ones it doesn't wish to play; at which managers who succeed brilliantly elsewhere mysteriously fail; one with a chairman who cannot master the economic necessity of buying land on which to build a much needed new stadium; a club which continues to live off ever more remote past glories because its present is hideous and its future dismally uncertain.
Do you really, hand on heart, support Spurs? Really? Can you prove it? Can anyone prove to me that Matthew Norman is a Tottenham supporter? Apart from the miserable face, a common West Stand trait, is there any substantial proof? Because the above illustrates what a fan of, I don’t know - Arsenal perhaps, would say of the matter.
The rest of that almost-wanting-to-be-passionate rant is ok. It’s what I’ve been preaching for years. Hey, I almost felt like I was connecting with you there! Wow, I've come over all giddy. If you were a girl, we could meet up and have sex.
If anyone can persuade me that Campbell owed an ounce of loyalty to such a club, let alone to fans who disgrace themselves year after year with the incontinence of their misplaced spite, I may be able to put two season tickets their way at a quid a shot.
Extortion, I know, but even in a credit crunch a chap has to turn a profit.
A credit crunch reference. It's like I'm on the train reading the Metro.
Again, do you mind looking at it from the perspective of a Tottenham fan? When Sheringham left the club, he told everyone he was going to leave. Completely up-front about it. Honest. We gave him plenty of digs when he returned in red colours, but he had the last laugh on everyone. And when he returned proper (he came home, his words) we took him back with open arms.
Now compare it to Campbell. He lied for two years, compounding it with various ‘why question my loyalty?’ soundbites. It was completely self-made, with additional misguided help from the esteemed Sky Andrews. So of course we hate him. Fans do not begrudge players who show a bit of honesty, who are upfront. It’s the ones who wear rival colours of a team they have yet to sign for or deceive those around them and do the dirty right at the death, with an earth-shattering curve-ball. Campbell is deserving of terrace ‘abuse’, but not the abuse he was subjected to at the Pompey game. I’m talking about chants of ‘wanker’ and 'Judas'. That’s still ok right, to call a player a wanker? Campbell owed us something regardless of him wanting to leave the club. But he was gutless to do it the right way. The very fact he is blind to what he did, immensely so, is testament to the type of man he is.
But we should move on, right?
And feel free to send me the season tickets. I can have a bonfire come final whistle on Sunday. We could toast some bagels and discuss impending life in the Championship. Happy days.
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