Spurs need a bit of Viagra

I'm still 'Out of the Office'. Posting via a mobile phone.

Either this has worked and technology deserves a warm hug of affection or it hasn't and this submission has been lost somewhere in cyberspace, forever drifting like the Littlest Hobo, never quite finding a home. You'll probably be hoping for the latter.

No such luck for you then.

Talking of home, I've spent the past three days moving residence (I have a huge collection of Levy effigies) and will be without a broadband connection until Friday as long as the BT engineer turns up and my Simultaneous Provide goes according to plan.

I'm also getting Sky installed, which is something I haven't had for a year due to my last property sitting in front of very tall and very annoying trees meaning reception was non-existent. I've been streaming football and going to the pub in its absence and tbh it's been a refreshing sabbatical not to watch Richard Keyes and Jamie Redknapp fabricate controversy and hype. However, I've always enjoyed the pantomime and will be glad for the coverage simply because I've grown tired of delayed coverage on the streams. That and Chinese John Motson styled commentary is far too excitable for my likening.

Football on ITV is also a joke and I as much as I don't actually mind the Beeb, I find myself screaming abuse at Adrian Chiles and his yo-yo voice which annoyingly increases and decreases in volume. Adrian, word of advice, whispering doesn't go down too well on television. Speak up, stick a bit of oomph into it man. Having him host Match of the Day with those two paragons of personality, Lee Dixon and the caveman, must surely be proof of the BBC experimenting in subliminal mind control. How else do you manage to get through it without falling into a coma?

So normal blogging service to be resumed over the weekend. Although will be out on Sunday for the best part of it. Got a ticket for a show. Will also be making some changes, not directly with this blog but more so with my online activity. I've decided for various reasons to exile myself from Glory-Glory.co.uk. Its a sacrifice for the greater good and one that will benefit both parties. I've become far too accustomed to the culture of posting there to the point where its become too much of an influence on my blogging over here.

As for little old Tottenham, results over the weekend went in our favour and a win tonight away to Hull will see a much needed gap between us and the free fallers below appear.

Not read any papers or websites, so don't know what Redknapp has been telling the press this week - although I'd hazard a guess it has something to do with the congested fixture list. All I know is, we should have all our first-teamers back and ready for action. If the UEFA Cup cock-up (down) was limp, then this evening must be nothing more than rock hard for the full 90 minutes. No more last minute premature accidents which have embarrassed us on the past four Prem occasions away from the Lane thank you very much.

I've been posting articles best described at 'Battle Cries' for the best part of the season, proclaiming the importance of the game and how imperative it is to claim all points. I'm now quite bored of doing this because we always seem to falter and fail. So I'm not going to say anything more on the subject. It's now over to Tottenham to do the talking on the pitch.

Spurs transfer dealings according to 'club insiders'

As a direct follow-up to my previous blog entry, I'd thought I share some perfect examples of message board In The Know information. As I referred to it earlier, the cryptic style is an art form I'm sure you will appreciate.

If you are interested, for further updates, visit the originating source for the complied and up to date list of current ITK information at www.spurscommunity.co.uk (put together by Stoff who collates the info from various sources).

Alternatively you can browse to Glory Glory which tends to have random ITK info copy and pasted from the more exclusive Spurs forums as well as Stoffs complied lists.

Both of these forums are open communities and are not exclusive (which I think FTL and COYS are).

I've left the info below in it's original state.


--


[Update 70] Dragon1 on Lennon and Keane
Posted: Thu, 29 Jan 2009 12:11:33 GMT
who dragon1
date 29/01/09
time 10:52
site COYS

scousers wanted lennon for keano, we told em to do one

he is one of the few harry actually rates!

---

[Update 69] jurgenthengerman on ?
Posted: Thu, 29 Jan 2009 10:29:59 GMT
who jurgenthegerman
date 28/01/09
time 17:56
site COYS

Levy is negociating three situations that involve additions one is a match (that involves a player going the other way ) two are straight additions subject to change !!!! Of these three two have a reasonable chance
Don t shoot

and

The road to redemption is very long with Harry

--

[Update 68] Ben on Appiah
Posted: Thu, 29 Jan 2009 09:18:37 GMT
who BEN
date 29/01/09
time 09:13
site FTL10 AM TODAY

APPIAH GETS TOLD IN MEETING

IF YES OR NO

--

[Update 67] Arigold on Keane, N'Zogbia and Hunt
Posted: Thu, 29 Jan 2009 09:17:23 GMT
who arigold
date 29/01/09
time 09:12
site SO

Big interest in Keane and either N'Zogbia or Hunt will sign, hopefully before Saturday. Hunt is waiting to see if we'll match two bids already in, but (surprise surprise) Reading are getting sick of dealing with us dithering.

Keane, as I've said for 6 weeks repeatedly, wants to come back. Liverpool are looking at other targets as well.

--

[Update 66] Smudgemeister on Keane, Santa, WP and Appiah
Posted: Thu, 29 Jan 2009 09:16:13 GMT
who Smudgemeister
date 29/01/09
time 09:11
site FTL

Keane was never a target.

Harry looked at Santa Cruz but Rovers want too much (City in so Rovers want a bidding war and we aint going there)

Not terribly impressed with Appiah and not required now WP is on board

War Spooky

Stevie, you ledge. Seriously mate, get your head out of the tub of Brown Ale or whatever it is you lot up there take your baths in, and stand up straight and show me your cock. Yes, you heard me right.

Show me what you got.

No? Ok, let me show you what I've got. Its fucking big, mind. Maybe not as big as this red Manc I know and this scouse git who always walks down the street with it hanging over his shoulder, but mine is still big. Actually, I suppose it isn't compared to that Manc and that scouse git. Or the pikey who lives in the caravan at the end of my road. But I tell you this 'mate', it's bigger than whatever you've got in your pants. And I know this because I asked around and you ain't pulled since 1955. I mean fuck me, that's fucking ages to go without. Must send a man loopy. And blind. Doesn't count if you're constantly playing with yourself. You do know that, don't you? It doesn't count.

And I aint going to accept any of those European bints you got hold of, cause squeezing a tit don't count either. At least I've dipped my end in some choice skirt, home and abroad, since you last tasted some. I don't go without see. Even when I'm not top of my game, I still manage a clever chat up line at the last moment, to help save the day.

So you know what. Let's just leave it. Don't bother getting your small shrivelled cock out. You'll only make the Boro fan standing next to you look hung like a donkey.

Prince charming

Pure plagiarism here. No creative blog spark today thanks to an evil bout of insomnia that had me hallucinating PVC clad care bears.

The Prince is back. Cameo performance in the 1-0 Everton defeat is possibly worthy of a DVD (I’m waiting for confirmation from the Spurs Shop). These highlights are positively electrifying (thanks to McBoggers and co over at GG.net):

• Getting into a bit of an argy-bargy with Fellaini within 15 seconds of coming on
• Showing off his new neck tattoo for the first time in the League this season
• Holding the ball up against 2/3 Everton players and then executing a dragback-spin away from them and into space
• Giant leap to flick the ball onto Lennon which lead to Campbell’s chance at the end
• General display of composure and strength at a time when everyone else was hoofing the ball 900 yards even though Everton’s centre-backs spent the entire game dominating the air
• Trying to remove Tim Howard’s chest from the rest of his body

The kid has bite and enthusiasm. More importantly, its arguable that this almost forgotten reserve/fringe player has shown us in a brief appearance that he has more footballing intelligence (minus the thug element) than some of our supposed international class first-teamers, some of which have set the club back £15M or so.

I’m going to quote DanishWhite (again from GG):

What on earth are we thinking spending 17m on players who are inferior in almost just about every single department to fringe players already in the squad ? Surely, something is all wrong when this almost un-integrational problem-child who is unfit and (allegedly) overpriced, overpaid and overrated can come onto the field for a short cameo in a game all but lost and instantly display a higher skill level, more hunger for the game and significantly more clue about how to play the game on the deck than quite a few than our regulars.

Nail on head.

Deemed not that good by previous management, yet had more presence than most on Sunday. Yes, sure, it was one of those days where selection wise we got out-lucked a little by Everton, who came, scored a fluke goal, then sat back and defended. Great tactics, frustrating for us, but not them. Much like our 1-0 steal from a few seasons ago up at Goodison.

The Prince has more composure on the ball than Zokora, gets more involved than Jenas and has an eye for a decent pass. Redknapp has obviously seen something in this lad so we might be yet surprised with more cameos and possibly even a start against Watford.

Bit of competition from an upstart might get some of our 'certainties' playing with zest.

More scary stats

Thanks to Mudshark over at GG for this. Click here to see the thread and a whole bundle of disapproving numbers that will give you night terrors on top of all the nightmares.

• We haven't won a home league game since beating Portsmouth 2-0 on 22 March 2008 (0 wins in 8 at the Lane).

• We've only won one other game since then, 1-0 at Reading on 3 May 2008 (1 win in 15 home and away).

• We currently have a scoring shortfall of 1.28 goals/game relative to last season overall under Ramos.

• Players who were at the club last season are contributing roughly the same number of goals per game as they were last season (though slightly down on the equivalent figure for last season post-LCF).

• New acquisitions have so far contributed nothing to making up this shortfall.

• Goals against per game are slightly up on last season overall, but better than last season post-LCF.

• The sharp decline in form seems to have begun with the 4-1 reverse at home to Newcastle on 30 March 2008.

• Since beating Portsmouth in March, we have gained 9 points from a possible 45 (0.6 per game).

• This would translate to a total of 23 points over a 38-game season (if rounded up).

• January is a long way off.

Levy no show

Posted by 'Get Levy Out' (I would assume it's someone from the Tottenham Hotspur Supporters Trust as it's his first post on GG.net and claims to be ITK) yesterday:

Sorry if this has been posted but it appears Daniel Levy has turned his back on the fans.

The supporters trust were due to meet with board earlier this week but the meeting was cancelled due to Levy being concerned that one of the more militant members of the trust board may question the way the club has been run.

The club has finally taken the step to divorce itself from its long suffering fan base. As good as an admission of failure to me.

This comes all at a time when the THST chairman Daniel Wynne is stepping down from his role.

Daniel needs to be replaced by a chairman who is going to be firm with the club and willing to take action when the club acts against the wishes of the fans.

Unfortunately the trust have closed new membership (a worrying sign that the club may be trying to influence the result of the chairman vote).

For me, the time to disolve the supporters trust is here as they can no longer be called independent from the club. A proactive action group prepared to take our club back.needs to be formed...

More to follow...

Bit of a PR disaster this for our esteemed chairman. Although how relevant the Trust genuinely is, is debatable. Asking a few questions is neither here or there based on the fact that Levy generally tells fibs. The fact I don't know probably speaks volumes about just how effective and prominent such an organisation is. I'm sure their intentions have always been good, so no offence to anyone who represents the Trust. In their defence, they are the only official recognised 'voice of the fans'. Even if most fans don't even know their exist.

It's all a bit shambolic when the chairman avoids the proposed meeting. Does he expect me to show up and ask the questions? Daniel Wynee (the chairperson of the Trust) is stepping down, so its possible that Levy sees this whole exercise as redundant. Especially if a more militant member takes the helm and asks one or two heart pulsating questions.

If we sat pretty in the Top 4, Levy would be there with bells on. Seems a bit gutless that in this quite horrid time he doesn't see fit to appease as a little. And the Trust no doubt is losing out on some primetime.

A steaming pile of Hotspur

Due to work, and lack of extended highlights, I'm going to allow the boys of Glory Glory.net to sum up today's UEFA Cup match. Bake'em away toys.....

Worrying...

Inept

Clueless

Painful

Scrappy

Shite

~ markysimmo04

roflenham lolspur

~ Truth

DISASTRAMOS

~ yid-soldier

Could have been worse, if we got drawn standard liege we would have got battered

~ diego_maradona

GG quote of the day

In response to 'what will happen if we lose our next 3 games':

Levy sacks Ramos, taps up a new coach who comes in with a new back room staff, changes the diet, sells 18 players, brings in 9 making a great profit for the club, we all get excited that we're finally going to break into the top four, we win a shite trophy that the Big 4 don't give a toss about and go on holiday...

~ belsizespur

Groundhog day or paradox?

Spurs Paradox of the day

We buy players who will need time to develop at the expense of settled, sensible buys for the correct positions, but at the same time the board demands immediate success from our coaches.

~ DanishWhite, gg.net

Brilliant nail-on-the-head observation that. If completely and utterly obvious to Spurs fans (but not our esteemed chairman).

We simply do not have the right people running the club. Sometimes the easiest solution to a transfer conundrum is just that.....'go with the easiest solution'. And yet we somehow manage to dig ourselves into a deeper mess.

Is Levy seeking the best media/fan friendly Tottenhamesque signing each and every time we dive into the transfer market?

I refuse to believe their excuse regarding players of quality are hard to come by. Its possible they have targets - ones which would wet our pants with glee - but they couldn't finalise them. But chasing these glory players when we desperately need steel in midfield staggers me and the rest of us.

Bentley, Gio, Pav - etc - are additions rather than the necessities we are crying out for. But it's all too late now.

Roll on, Jan transfer window, for more of the same, I'm sure.

Message board blues

Aftermath comments from GG.net:

Spurs are in big trouble this season

From what I have seen this season they look like they would have trouble scoring in a brothel

Its a competitive league this year. Man C and Villa have improved and Hull and Stoke are not rolling over for anyone

We are currently dire. Seriously. Absolutely shocking.

Where's all this flowing, attacking football. Yet again we resort to long-ball tactics that Jol was getting murdered for implementing.

This is Wigan for gods sake.

We are in the shit, let's not kid ourselves. Ramos can go on about 'team gelling' until he is blue in the face, but the fact of the matter is that we are, at the moment, where we deserve to be in the table. And unless Ramos et al can sort things out over the next 2-3 weeks we are in big trouble.

But we're not even seeing the bloody basics.

Simple passing, moving into space, awareness of each other, watching opposition runners. We're simply not doing it.

It was shocking to watch, it really was.

We sold too many good players this summer. I'm not even talking about Berbatov and Keane, they wanted out. I'm talking about Malbranque, Tainio, Lee, Chimbonda. We sign enough shit players I'm fed up of selling decent ones when we find them. Malbranque especially was never going to set the world alight but i always liked him at Fulham and was really glad when we signed him. Last season he was probably our most consistent midfielder by a long way, really hard working and good (if not world class) quality. Could also play ANY position in midfield if need be. Tainio was injury prone, but a decent squad player with decent quality again and versatility. Lee was probably the best option for retaining cover in the full back positions, really decent player and Chimbonda ok he was a bit of a twat, but again was a good player who would have done a good job in the squad.

Why dismantle a team that finished 5th two seasons in a row? Such a team doesn't need dismantelling it just needs fine tuning. Yeah Bentley, Modric, Dos Santos seem decent players with some potential, but they weren't needed at all.

It pisses me off as it seems so simple: this summer i'd have had a look at our team and thought , well its not that bad, but could do with probably a midfield enforcer, a proper left winger, a new goalkeeper and cover in defence (given King and Woodgate cant be relied upon to stay fit). I would also have identified a replacement for Berbatov straight away as it was OBVIOUS to everyone except seemingly Levy and the Spurs management that he wanted out.

I'd have gone all out to get a Berbatov replacement straight away and sold him very early on in the window. Then u get it over and done with, u have a replacement, no negative media drama running all summer unsettling the players and fans and we move on. Then I'd have got a defensive midfielder, didn't even have to be a world class giant of a player, just someone who can steady the ship ffs with stamina, pace and positional sense who can play a simple ball, the premiership's actually full of those kind of players and it pisses me off that we dont have one and its a fundamental reason why we struggle to dominate teams....what use are loads of fancy flair players if you cant get hold of the ball and give it to them?

The ONLY position I'd say we were stronger in than last season is goalkeeper.All we've done in some positions is swap skill for hardwork (modric for malbranque, bentley for tainio) and the weaknesses that we had last season are still there. I've not witnesses a more shambolic summer since the sugar/gross type days.

We're overloaded with skilfull attacking midfielders but have no bite and our defence and organisation is all over the place. It reminds me of when West Ham got relegated with Cole, Carrick, Defoe, Kanoute and all those guys in the team. Teams with brittle spines and lack of organisation just can't hack it in the Premiership and if people think we are too good to go down, then you better start waking up and smelling the coffee.

Ouch.

Oh when the cash, comes rolling in......

In light of Levy and his money-collecting habits, the lads from COYS have provided the following football chants, proving that when they leave alone all the ITK rumourwhoring, they can produce something worthy of a smile. Enjoy.



AIM listed,
la la la,
AIM listed,
la la la.


My old man,
Said be a Tottenham fan,
I said fuck off bollocks,
I'm an accountant.


"Daniel Levy's In-the-Black armeee!"


"Kick the ball with your FTSE, my son!!!"


Cos if you know your share prices...
it's enough to make your heart go ooooohhhhhhhh....
we don't care what the other investment groups say
what they hell should we care
cos we only know
when there's gonna be profit taking show
that Tottenham Hotspur (PLC) will be there....
(sang to the tune of 'Grand Old Team')


"The referee's a banker, the referee's a banker!"


"Oh when the cash comes rolling in, Oh when the cash comes rolling in, I wanna see telephone numbers, when the cash comes rolling in"


COOOOOME ON YOU SHARES

ITK's

Reading through GG.net, I found one comment about someone who no longer posts there due to possibly being fed up with people having a dig at him regarding the information he use to pass on. In this case, this bloke was spot on with it (he use to tell everyone the team news before official word had been published, including player positions tactically).

Someone who gets all upset over people slating him because he claims to be ITK has more to do with ego than anything else. Why come onto a message board and drop cryptic crap in the first place if it isn't some kind of deluded respect you're after? And why do people have to know team news, an hour or a day before hand?

Again, knowing something before the majority - before its official - won't change the fact that it will become official.

People (these alleged club insiders and ITK's) need to get themselves a sense of humour and rather than act all deep throat about it, just pass on their info (if that’s what they want to do) with a smile and people who read it should stop craving it like crack whores licking white dust off a shit covered floor.

To claim these people are doing us a favour is bullshit. If someone out there is genuine and actually has ties with the club, then shame on them for passing the info on. Anything else is just subjective hearsay/rumours and should be posted without the 'please kneel before Zod' mentality these utter idiots from COY's seem to be in possession of.

It's all good fun, I know. And I enjoy it as much as the next fan - but certain people take it all far too seriously.

A hellmouth of 'ITK' exclusives

How queer. I mention something about 'In the Know' information and someone provides us all with a summary of the past couple of months. You'll like this. Possibly one or two snippets of info that have been missed, but generally what you are about to read are all the supposed 'connected' people who have inside knowledge to share. This was posted on the Spurs Community forum by Stoof (good man) and covers ITK since the month of April. The info has been gathered from various forums, including GG.net, FTL and the SC.

APRIL

We start on 8th April - which makes is some sort of pre-window record I believe, with noodles saying we want Carrick with some money and are willing to part with the "crown jewels".

dragon1 then piped up a week later saying that Berbs wanted out "100%" - not giving us any choice but to ask for £40 million.

Contact made with Capel according to MadridSpur on 16th April. The plot thickens.

S.LondonSpurs on FTL says Berbatov is 80% a Spurs player next year, midfield to be built around him and Keano too. Apparent problem with Jol?

willdayid on this very site has a friend whose cousin is John Bostock the Crystal Palace wunderkidd. On his way to t'Lane. That takes us to 17th April and some Dan Ashcroft (of SC) news: a promising Leeds youngster, an attacking midfielder been watched numerous times by DC.

A trek over to Spurs Odyssey on April 20th saw Marcspurs with a link to Paul Kemsley running his mouth about, of all people, the buck-toothed one, A.K.A. Ronaldinho. Wants to come to the Premiership, and to London.

noodles still convinced on the 22nd April that Berba is off to either Barcelona or Real Madrid and then BEN thinks that Santa isn't just for Christmas, and Santa Cruz could be Berbatov's successor.

Luka Modric signs and then dragon1 says this shows our ambition to the sulky one. We've hit 26th April now.

Archibald from Spurs Odyssey then pipes up, saying that Modric is one of a big four for us. Capel and Diaz/Jarque are goers together with one of Kameni, Samahanovic (?) and Amelia.

Some more Odysseying from o.kristensen: Comolli was in Norway (Drammen to be exact) regarding a player called Per Ciljan Skjelbred. Yeah. Dam right. Hard-working CM, but then again you all knew that. Rabbi Crackers - Berbatov going 100%. Only overseas bids considered.

Eto'o and his agent at the Lane - that's Lane where we play, not Lodge where we sign - Paul said the first bit on 28th April - he's a Spurs Odysseyite. yiddobrett from this site said Keane could leave because of a lot of substituting - he doesn't believe it though. And quite frankly nor do I!

nicdic, Rumour Ranger extraordinaire, then got some News Of The World information that Berbatov has not gone yet, good chance that he could stay; that Eto'o is definitely a possibility and that Villa is definitely leaving ol' Valencia. Galahad, a distant Goat relative , said that there's a strong push for Clemente ... some cryptics that gave guesses of Fabiano and David Villa.

Still in April and MadridSpur says that we've made contact with Villa, some Eto'o interest and Ronaldinho's off to Italy. Scout says "berbs gone" and we're very close to a massive massive signing ... this was in April.

Somebody on COYS was talking about Levy being busy and French people and players with "oo" in their name. I'm thinking Samassi Abou. Leics_Spur on FTL thinks Spurs could be making a run on McGeady - they were the noises coming out of Parkhead on 29th April.

MadridSpur said Joaquin was "being hawked around" ... we've been offered his services. Villa: "discussions are advanced". To round off April TraderSpur on COYS was told by the same agent who gave him Kameni information in January that the deal has been done for 6.8 million yoyos.

MAY

donw001 on SC thinks that unless Ledley grows new legs, he's done. Smiling and nodding about Berbatov going ... and also about Barcelona and Eto'o.

It's obvious that Kaboul is going, at least it was to Archibald on 2nd day of May, Pompey have offered us a cut-price £5m but he wants to re-aller a la France. Taarabt transfer request, Disco Stu likes Transfer Music. Bordeux after NoPass after this revelation.

noodles said on the same day that we're working hard on swapping Berbatov for Eto'ooooo. Archibald on 5th May said we're off to Portugal for a DM and Manchester United are interested in this unnamed player too.

We're well after Cuellar and Capel. Innit, said Mr BEN on the 6th of this month. More FTL antics, this time from Alex who said that we're after the Nigerian forward: Ike Uche from Getafe.

arnie123 said that Berbatov has been sold to AC Milan and Disconosebleed from SC said that Huddlestone is available for transfer, as well as birthdays, weddings and bamitzvahs. Offered to a Prem club - this was from 7th May.

Johnnydx85 said, one day later, that Berbatov is 100% off, Comolli will be sacked soon as Mr Levy doesn't like him and whilst not liking him, he's in Portugal buying a midfielder. Johnny assumed it was Veloso and told us to enjoy the rest of our days. Nice.

JurgenTheGerman gave us an even more entertaining twist to the Berbatov saga in that Shaun Wright-Phillips and Nicolas 'The Sulk' Anelka could be involved in a deal.

GGSpur on COYS said that Comolli had been to South America four times in the last few weeks, so he's got some serious air miles going on. Dan Ashcroft gave us an essay of ITK, Berbatov being biddily accepted. They are coming from Milan, Fiorentina and Athletico. None over £20m. Fiorentina included Frey. Berbatov is not unhappy to stay, it's the pressure from his nation to follow in other's footsteps. Kameni is not on our shortlist, and we've never wanted Diarra. Jarque wants to move to us. Veloso meeting on the cards and some sort of provisional agreement on the cards, perhaps heads of terms supposes Stoof. Disco Taarabt has not requested a move. Names scouting/scouted: Howson, Obertan, Fornaroli, Hugh, Pugh, Barney, McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble. No Grub. Exits for Lee, Chimbonda, Stalteri ( ) Gardner and Rocha in the biggest exodus of defenders ever. All incomings will be big money signings. Yay.

Archibald on this very day said that we're after Joe Hart by offering Robbo and some cash. Kameni and Handonyourcockvic (Handacovic - seems he can't make up his mind on the spelling ) are on the radar as are Amelia and Stekelenberg. JurgenTheGerman also persisted with SWP and Anelka story.

Now go take a cold shower you dirty dirty whore.

Oh look, more rumours. Yay.

This was posted on GG.net via the Spurs Community.

"For those who don't know I work for a company(which can't be named) who have been a sponser of Tottenham for nearly 20 years.Yesterday our MD went up to the Lane to discuss the various packages we were looking to do this season,eg match day sponsers,how many places req'd in the Oak Room per match etc...It goes without saying that our MD gets on famously with the clubs commercial department.As per normal the minute my MD gets back I drive him mad for any info,being a fellow Spur and all that he's very obliging.Anyway,he found out yesterday that we are going ahead with building a 60,000 seater stadium at WHL,it should be ready by 2011/2012,because of the way they are planning the building work we will be able to carry on playing at the Lane for most of it, except for one season.For that season we have arranged to play our home games at the MK Dons ground,it apparantly holds 25,000 (which covers the season tickets allocation according to the commercial manager) it also has room for 2,000 corporates which should cover the demand.He told us that the club are going to be announcing this in the next couple of weeks.

On the transfer front he said we were sniffing around Bentley,he said Berbs is definately off,and that two players Ramos wants out are Chimbo and Lennon.I must add,before Santini took over he told my MD that Martin O'Neill was a done deal to be our next boss so take his transfer ITK with a pinch of salt as I don't think he privvy to that sort of information,however,with regards to the stadium and a ground share he'll be in the loop as it concerns his department in a big big way.

I'm just passin on what we've been told yesterday,take or leave it,and any questions will be a waste of time coz I've given up all I know,and I didn't do a single song lyric whilst doing it! Sorry all you cryptic fans!!"

Someone on Glory Glory should have, a long time ago, made footnotes of everyone who claims to know someone who either works at Spurs or knows someone who works at Spurs. Could have devised a family tree of ITK and club insiders.

I'm certain there's been about 200 different people who have leaked info from within WHL.

I think that just about sums it up, imo.

Levy mythology?

Original post by Solaar from GG.net:

Levy and the myth of the signing youth for resale-value


I see that a lot of people have agreed upon Levy being a man who likes to buy young because of resale-value. I don't understand this and would like to say that it is probably just a myth, please prove me wrong. Show me a direct quote of him saying this, or else I just refuse to believe it.

If not, show me evidence of the case being him buying a youth player and then selling them for a lot more than what we bought them for. Oh, and please have in mind these conditions:

1. The player must not have expressed an obvious desire to leave.
2. The player must have been an integral part of our first-team (i.e played more than 15-20 games a season), otherwise you can't exactly say that selling the player is a big problem for us.

I actually believe that Levy does not do this. We have made progress on all levels since he came into the club. We have also had set-backs, but are they in the end his faults? The biggest set-backs imo have been Arnesen and Carrick leaving, together with signing Bent for £16 M. Bent probably is a good buy, but that amount was bad business - but whose fault is that? Levy or Comolli? The rest has brought us forward (maybe with the exception of signing Comolli, that is yet to be proved).

I believe Levy prefers buying youth because he wants to build a team for the future, not because he wants to increase our financial earnings. It is just a myth because making us a consistent top-6 team would bring a hell of a lot more money into the club than buying and reselling youth players, at least when we're talking about 18-21 year old players.

Spooky, I await your response.

Thread has (at the time of writing) hit 4 pages. I'm going to keep it simple as I think you and the other GG'ers have covered just about every angle imaginable on this subject.

Regardless of whether the policy exists or not, Spurs/Levy do not spend money on 'ready made super-stars'. The closest we have come to doing so is signing Berbatov, who was far from being world-famous when he signed for us. Its more than obvious he aims for players that potentially can turn into great players, therefore giving us a win-win situation. We keep them, the team improves. We sell them, we're in the money. The crux is, we don't sell players unless they want to leave (or at least that's the illusion). So far, it rings true. Carrick wanted out, we sold him. Berbs will probably follow because of the same reasons.

The thing is, this system isn't working as effectively as Levy would have himself believe it is. Sometimes, you have to bite the bullet. You have to invest in a ready-made finished article player, even if it means paying a little more into his wage packet. Surely if you are willing to spend £16.5M on a striker, you can allow for the wage structure to cater for world-class signings. Petrov, apparently, was too much of a risk. Not risky enough for City to gamble on. And on current form, I would have loved to see him in a Spurs shirt. How is he any less of a risk than someone like Bent or Zokora? Or even Jenas?

The young players we do bring in, who could potentially be sold for more money doesn't actually improve the team in the present, does it? You can't have a team of potentially good players and no backbone of experience. Seems the mixture isn't quite right. Yes, it takes time to mould and once more we are at the start of a new regime. But if you look back over the last few years, you can't say any one of our young players has turned into a potential superstar. Some of them have flirted with the possibility, but delusions turned back into reality from where I stand in the Park Lane.

We've bought the likes of Kaboul and KPB - and their current lack of quality is telling. Lennon has turned to shit. Huddlestone still has plenty of work to do in order to improve his game....and so on. Could we get £8M for Jenas? Actually, we probably could considering the way money is thrown about nowadays. But when you turn around and pay £8M for Zokora, or possibly £8M for Hutton - the whole ethos of buying players that adhere to a certain set of criteria loses its reasoning.

Its typical Tottenham. Over complicating matters, trying to be far too clever.

It's simple. Buy the players that will improve the team and create stability and balance and help progress us forwards, fixing the issues that currently blight us. Maybe that's what Levy is aiming to do, and this 'myth' is simple creating arguments over what his masterplan is all about.

If Hutton is the answer to the RB position, then fair enough. £8M or £9M, probably isn't relevant to whether we could sell him for more 3 years from now. The more pressing matter would be to hold onto him long enough for the team to achieve success - because at this rate we appear to be buying players that Man Utd will pluck from us in the coming seasons.

So Levy does have sell-on value in mind - but not as the priority. And he is picky with the 'older' more expensive and experienced players. We obviously have money, so if they rate a player and believe the player will become 'great' then whether they steal him for 500K or buy him for £8M probably isn't too relevant in their eyes. Obviously, in 5 years time, if we haven't moved forward then Levy and his DoF system isn't working because the players they are purchasing are simply not fulfilling the potential they were initially bought for. And like I said, if the mixture isn't right, then he isn't bringing in the right players at the right time.

I don't think the masterplan is to simply buy for the sake of being able to sell the players on for profit. But he has shown weaknesses for improving the squad when it was necessary to do so (i.e. the season we sat in 4th for 4 months comes to mind.....where were the Jan Window transfers to consolidate 4th place beyond any doubt?) We could have done with some real world-beaters at that point in time.

As noted in the Solaar post, "...making us a consistent top-6 team would bring a hell of a lot more money into the club than buying and reselling youth players".

And yet we buy Gunter and (looking like) Hutton. An 18 year old and 23 year old. Sure, both are meant to be top drawer. But if he doesn't follow up with an experienced 'class' centre-back, then you have to start questioning the logic.

I'm beginning to repeat myself now.

In the past, Spurs have gone out and bought what they believed to be top players, for key positions. And they turned out to be miserable signings. I think trusting Ramos will help us in abundance.

It just seems that all we buy are 'kids' and sometimes we strike lucky (Berbatov). It's not enough.




EDIT:


Hutton has apparently rejected a move to Spurs. So, was this Tottenham's 'number one target' for the right-back position (considering we have already bought Gunter)? Who will they now move for? Another younger, less promising target? Rather than a quality experienced 26 year old?

And if we go on to sign a few players in this window, and not bring in another RB, way make out we needed one in the first place?

It just doesn't seem to make sense.

Levy: The Trilogy - Part III

THE DAZZA INTERVIEW



Dazza, over at Glory Glory got to bag 5 minutes with Daniel Levy. I’m some what disappointed that he didn’t let me know of the whereabouts and the time of the interview in advance. Not that I would have turned up and superglued myself to the chairman. No. It’s just nice to know where the chairman is on a day to day basis considering I pay his wages via my season ticket purchase season after season.


Here’s the interview.


http://www.glory-glory.co.uk/blogs/dazzalondon


And below, with comments.

Evening Mr Levy, thank you for sparing me some time on what is obviously a busy day.

DL – Yes, very busy............

Playing golf? Football Manager 2008? You get paid a cool million a year, I’m sure you can spare more than 5 minutes for one of the common people. Just hold your breath so you don’t have to breathe in the fumes of a ‘football fan’.

I’ll try and be as brief as I can then. I’ve taken a few questions from people on the website. Having read your EGM address I won’t be asking anything about the stadium or selling the club rumours.

How’s Juande’s English lesson’s going and how long before you reckon he’ll feel comfortable enough to do his own TV comments?

DL - I can sit and have a conversation with Juande and understand exactly what he’s saying but with interviews you are expected to reply quickly and he doesn’t want to be put in a position where he says the wrong thing that gets twisted. He’s probably a couple of months away from conducting his interviews.

As long as he understands ‘YOU’RE FIRED!’, right? Though its more likely he’ll be telling you in broken English to stick Comolli ‘uppa your arseo’.

Some fans are curious as to why you weren’t on screen during his initial press conference.

DL – Because if I had been the majority of the questions would have been about Martin Jol’s leaving as opposed to looking forward with Juande signing. Besides that’s the Sporting Directors job. The same reason as I wasn’t present during the unveiling of Martin and Frank Arnesen was.

Let’s correct this one.

‘Because I would have struggled to answer any of the questions posed because I handled the whole Jol affair like Pepe Le Pew on the pull’.

I saw the interview with Juande pre-match on Sky before the West Ham game and he seemed very non-committal regarding Berba’s future. Subtitles were – “Ask him”. Has his introduction had a settling affect on the squad with regards to being any closer to contract negotiations with Berba and Defoe? How much of a worry is it for you that Sky Andrew is Defoe’s agent after what he persuaded Sol to do?

DL – There aren’t any tensions in the squad. Berba is already on a long contract and he’s signalled he’s happy. As for Jermaine, he’s publicly stated he wants to stay and I reiterated in today’s EGM our wish that he does stay. Now it’s pretty much down to him. Sky Andrews – Draw your own conclusions.

Yes. You should have sold Defoe to Pompey way back. Instead, you sat back and watched a new Judas scenario develop. Not to worry. The club is bound to get it right third time round.

Do you ever ask for or get offered feedback from the players regarding the coach?

DL – I never ask for feedback but any I do get comes back via players agents rather than the players themselves.

Care to share what Sky Andrews may have said to you recently? Go on. I bet it was fruity.

What is the criteria for signing new players if the manager suggests them? Any truth in the tabloid gossip that 3 of Juande’s targets were disregarded because they were “over 26”?

DL – I can categorically say there is no truth in that rumour what-so-ever.

Agreed. Because we just over-spend on under-23’s instead.

Has there been any progress on the goal keeping coach position? Has anyone thought of offering Paul a trip to a clinical hypnotist to ease any self doubts he experiences and try and get him back to full confidence?

DL – There is no progress as yet. And if you saw Paul’s display against West Ham yesterday I think he had a good game and his confidence is there for people to see.

No, what’s there to be seen is that he still needs to shed some weight. His ‘saves’ at West Ham were alright, if a little bit overly ‘dramatic’ for the cameras to enjoy. Seeing a hypnotist isn’t that bad of an idea. How about using one on Jenas to trick him into believing he is a footballer.

Fan’s really don’t want to share with West Ham. The travel connections are even worse than WHL. Are there any truth to these rumours &/or alternatives should we have to move away from WHL for any rebuilding work?

DL – If we should, and I’m not saying we will, have to ground share at all then theoretically how would people feel about sharing with Arsenal. Which would they prefer?

That’s like asking if I’d prefer to share a bed with Michael Barrymore or take a skinny dip in his pool.

(Dazza's response) – Well I actually did an article on this, asking people to think with their head rather than their heart and you’d be surprised to percentage of people that said sharing the Emirates would be the preferable short term option with regards to increased capacity meaning more revenue and an increase in season tickets.

Stop kissing arse, Dazza. Referring to ‘revenue’ probably made Levy all giddy. I bet he smirked didn’t he? He licked his lips too, didn't he? Yeah, of course he did.

Have there been any “culprits” identified for these continuing leaks that appear to be coming from the club?

DL – We’ve investigated and found nothing. If you look at the way things transpired with Martin then it’s possible there was no leak. Firstly it was rumoured he’d resigned before the game, then that he’d been sacked at half time but no final decision was made until after the game. With regards to the leak about the ground expansion. I’m sure that came from somewhere other than the club. The reason why I’m so sure was that only a handful of people knew anything about that and most of them were from outside the club.

What? You mean there are no ‘In The Knows’ or club insiders working their magic, cryptically informing fans on forums with exclusives that have yet to hit the newsstands? No espionage? Just coincidence and enough shit thrown at the wall, some of it will stick? Damn it! I WANT TO BELIEVE!

Finally, on a personal note, do you have any spare tickets for the Anderlecht game that I can buy off of you, I’ve already booked my travel????

DL – (laughs) I’m afraid not.

Dazza, I’m disappointed. This is pretty much a stereotypical ‘last question’ to end the interview with a smile. Christ, you been watching Parkinson as prep? How about asking him about the crate in his basement with the Arsenal memorabilia? Or whether he has kept any of the effigies I’ve mailed him? Or why only the West Stand gets bagels? You’ve sold out man. You’ve sold out.

Well thank you very much for sparing me this time to answer questions. Good luck.

DL – You’re welcome

Good luck? Miracle more like.

Levy: The Trilogy - Part I

THE EGM


You know what it’s like. You’re standing at a bus stop waiting for ages and then three come along at the same time. It’s been a little quiet from Mr Chairman recently, quotes wise. We’ve had the leakage of the alleged new Spurs stadium (plans have been drafted and fired across to the council). Would seem that rebuilding WHL and having to ground share is the most likely outcome. Then Levy gives us three shots of Levyisims.

• The EGM
• Comolli and Jol Blast
• An interview with a member of Glory Glory

I’m going to work through all three.

First up, The EGM – which took place on Monday 25th Nov at 2pm. Below, with comments.

Before we start on the official business I should like to say a few words to the meeting.

We have much to be optimistic about going forward and that is what I wish to concentrate on today. We have made changes recently in order to strengthen our position in several areas. This is a dynamic business and as such we have to constantly respond to changing circumstances, some within, but many outside, of our control.

Translated. 'We fucked up and humiliated the club publicly in the past so let’s not dwell on my personal mistakes and just brush it all under the carpet because the future is bright and any potential mistakes I will make going forward haven’t happened yet'.

Have to give him credit for the ‘dynamic business’ explaination, with a slight nod to ‘some within’ and ‘many outside’, in reference to control. Some within? How about all of them within? The fire is started by the man holding the matches.

As a result, these last three months have been testing times for us all. Both the Club and I personally have endured much criticism. We have absorbed much blame – very little of which was justified with facts. But we elected not to respond and rather to hold our counsel. We took the clear decision that we would not discuss private matters in public and we did this in the long-term interests of the Club and all parties involved.

I should now like to take this opportunity to once again thank Martin Jol, Chris Hughton and Hans Segers and wish them well in their future careers.

Again, this is textbook. Deny everything, sometimes with silence, sometimes with carefully constructed propaganda. I mean, come on. To state that discussing private matters in public is something the club did not do is hilarious considering the Kemsley/Ramos fiasco. If that's not publicly telling the world something is amiss at the club, I don’t know what is, whether you meant it or not. As for all the media coverage that followed, what do you expect from the tabloids finest? They never print the truth in its entirety, as distortion makes for better reading. You handled the whole affair with a distinct lack of class, playing into the hands of the media.

Nice touch with the ‘thank yous’. Magnanimous.

We have a new and respected coaching team and I look forward to introducing Juande to you after the formal proceedings today and for you to hear his thoughts on the remainder of the season.

The performance of the business means that we retain the ability to invest and, in respect of players on long contracts, we have no need to sell. It is noteworthy that all key players are on long-term contracts with the exception of Jermain Defoe, who has expressed publicly that he wants to remain at the club and I put it on record that we want him to stay.

The mention of ‘he wants to remain at the club’ is ominous. Sol Campbell anyone? The fact that Jermain’s agent is Sky Andrews should tell you everything you need to know about the situation. There’s no doubt that the player is doing the right thing from his own personal perspective. He doesn’t play every game, he doesn’t start every game. He could do so at another club. Fact is, he’s a bit shit. He hasn’t developed over the past 3 or 4 years suggesting he lacks the required footballing brain to become International class (yet alone world class). And with money being one of the main priorities of the modern day footballer, with Andrews’s guidance, why not seal a move away and earn a fair amount on the way? LOL, I said ‘earn’.

Defoe has to sign before the Jan transfer window, or he’ll be sold.

I should also like to correct newspaper reports that have existed, despite my denials, that ENIC has agreed to sell its shareholding in the Club. For nearly 7 years we have, I believe, moved this Club forward, but have had to endure constant speculation from those who would seek to detract from what we are achieving. For the record yet again, no offer has been made for the Club during my time here, not even by Roman Abramovich as was so incorrectly reported.

This year sees us report record financial results. TV, sponsorship, retail, ticket and corporate hospitality revenues have all contributed to an increase of 39% in turnover and good management of the business has seen profits rise to 31% of turnover. We have continued to upgrade the Ticket Office and this has now been relocated to Paxton Road. Service levels are critical in this area of the business and it is important that we continuously evaluate and raise standards of delivery. We have centralised customer service and this has been well received – we shall, however, continue to seek further improvements.

Yes, yes. You’re rich. We get it. Bagel sells alone in the West Stand should help pay for its renovation.

Investment and work on valuable community-based projects through the Tottenham Hotspur Foundation continues to go from strength to strength. In conjunction with our application for the Training Centre at Bulls Cross is a commitment to deliver a 10 year outreach programme within the local community worth in excess of £2.3m.

We currently have a minimum of one player per week attending a community event in areas local to the club and our facilities. It is a tremendous commitment not only by your club, but also by the First Team and Academy players who derive a genuine benefit and enjoyment from this aspect of their footballing lives. It is also a much valued and appreciated service to the communities.

Earlier this month we also launched our Spurs Learning Zone – a dedicated state of the art facility located here at the stadium, that will host daily classes of up to 30 local children, providing them with access to cutting edge information, communication, podcasting and digital editing technologies - a resource much welcomed by our local council.

Not only as a football club, but as a business in general, the level, quality and effect of our contribution to communities and good causes, is outstanding and sets us apart. We should recognise this and be rightly proud.

I have nothing sarcastic to say on this. Other than the £8M spent on Kaboul could have gone to the Spurs Learning Zone. Bit more value for money.

Looking to our capital expenditure projects - In respect of the stadium I can report, as promised in January, that we have refined our options. At this stage, as I am sure you will understand, it would be commercially inappropriate to discuss these in further detail. To date, Matthew Collecott and I have directed the project and we are making substantial progress. Last week we added to our project team with the appointment of Paul Phillips, who will be the project manager on a day-to-day basis. Paul has a proven track record in delivering complex stadium solutions and was the project leader on the Emirates Stadium.

We should all be conscious of the fact that we face significant hurdles and disadvantages in our search for an optimum solution to increased capacity. For example, with our current location, we do not have inherent land values in Tottenham that could drive enabling development and regeneration. Additionally, the Olympics is taking significant public funds out of the public purse which could assist with any major schemes. There is no easy option for us but we are determined to find a solution. We shall announce our preferred option in the first half of 2008.

Please be assured that your Board is applying the same vigour and determination towards achieving a successful outcome on this capital project as we did for the Training facility and I am pleased to be able to report good news on that now.

I hope we don’t leave WHL. I’m willing to wager we don’t, though ground sharing with West Ham makes me taste vomit every time I think about it. I’m sure everyone will know the final decision before the official announcement. Just keep an eye out for bit torrent links in Spurs forums. One thing I will say. If we remain at WHL, for the love of all things transporty, please give us an underground station within minutes of the stadium. Fucking bribe someone if you have to.

We achieved a terrific step forward with future plans when earlier this month Enfield Council Planning Committee voted to grant planning permission for our Football Training Centre – a combined First Team and Academy facility - at Bulls Cross, Enfield. We were absolutely delighted with this outcome, the culmination of years of hard work and determination by a dedicated in house team and external consultants. The application will now pass to the Mayor of London and the Government Office for London for final approval.

I shall now ask James Budd of architects KSS to make a brief presentation on an overview of the scheme.

Thank you James.

As you can see it is an outstanding facility – the creation of a world class First Team and Academy training facility set on over 60 acres and we have now achieved an important first step towards realising this vital project for the Club. It will be instrumental in attracting the best young talent and afford our current squad state of the art facilities in which to train over the season.

See. Bribes do work. As for attracting the best young talent, doubt we can compete with Wenger and his world wide circle of friends. When was the last time Spurs developed and progressed ‘young talent’ into a prominent role in the first team? Ledley King? Not exactly West Ham’s academy is it?

Our Academy is already home to some of the most outstanding young talent in the country. When much has been said about the need to nurture young home grown English talent, you can be proud that your Club boasts no fewer than 8 academy players in the England youth teams. Additional to this are a further 8 players who represent their countries at youth international level. The Club now has a total of 34 international players and 7 full England internationals.

I stand corrected. We already have the talent. I await to see if Pekhart, Dixon, Parret and company ever make it pass the reserves. Our youth players always get a big shout in the match day programmes but then end up at Orient on loan. Then sold to Hull or someone of equal standing. As for 34 international players, you’ve included Ghaly in that total, haven’t you, you cheating dog? And at this current moment in time, having 7 England internationals is really nothing to shout about. Especially as the only one who would stand a chance of a consistent place in the team is King, and he’s injured.

We shall keep you informed as we progress the Training Centre project – our current timetable aims for completion in the summer of 2010 but I would stress once again that there are still further stages to be passed in the next few months and we should also expect opposition to continue. I would ask that you continue to give it your support as we progress through those stages.

In closing, I should like to thank everyone at the Club for their contribution to last season's success and to the Club's supporters for their magnificent support. This year we celebrated our 125th Anniversary – a notable landmark for a great football club – but equally important that we now look ahead with confidence and ensure that glory is not a term used only to recall events from the past. We have much happening now that will impact greatly on our future.

Thank you

Believe me. We won’t be forgetting our 125th Anniversary in a hurry. It’s been a notable landmark alright. Like the time a porn star failed to get wood with Jenna Jameson. PATHETIC AND LIMP.

‘Glory’ will always be synonymous with the past, because our success is firmly placed there. The sooner all mention of 1961 is banished from the terraces and the directors box, the better.

Standard and Glory Glory

Back (inside) pages of todays Standards cover the Levy banning order on the London paper and have several quotes taken from the pages of the Glory Glory forum. I'll take it as a compliment that they have not quoted me. Not once. Not a single quote. Not one word. Anyways, goes to show they spend a lot of time browsing and lurking in Spurs forums - which explains why so many shit transfer stories end up in the newspapers.


Here's a collection of quotes (from the GG.co.uk thread the Standard quoted from) that they chose NOT to print:



Think both Mellor and Norman are crap journalists who use their columns for personal agendas rather than "reporting", so see no problem with this. And there are enough media outlets operating that this is hardly a restriction of the freedom of the press to cover spurs - The Last Mango in Paradise

-

So many bad things happen to so many nice people. Why do people like Mellor never get a dose? The man is vile on so many levels. Self-important ponce. - the dza

-

Fuck off, you twit.

Free speech in a "free society" doesn't include that private persons and companys open up their doors for you to obtain material with which to libel them in public.

If you are worried about not being able to compete with other media, then perhaps you should review your reporting style. Idiot. - DanishLineker

-

I'm just surprised its only the Standard that he is banned!

I've always liked the Standard and it has given us a lot of balanced coverage over the years - however, I usually chose not to buy it on the day (Tuesdays) when Norman wrote in it. He believe he has absolutely no inside information and desite being a fan seems to have a vendetta against the club dating back to Sugar.

Or perhaps he is just indicative of the current media who are negative and cynical for the sakes of it. Believe me if Spurs won the Champions League, Norman would find something trivial to moan about instead.

Hopefully Neil Ashton, the vindictive little bastard, from the Daily mail will be the next one banned for all the crap that he has spouted in his columns and on talkSPORT in the last 2 weeks. - Mr Gafferson

-

matthew norman is a cunt, always seems to me the guy has always had personal vendetta against the club (which he supports) - Billyiddo




I didn't post anything quotable in that thread. Gutted. Just gutted.

Spooky Editorial

Posted on GG.net:



It seems there are countless of threads about the same topic, relating to the mess at the Lane, so I will simply add to it with my own by stating one word:

Justified.

I've been preaching to you mugs for years, outside the ground on Bill Nic way with a megaphone, in disguise and talking in code language to avoid Levy’s minions from knowing my true goals. Sadly, very few - well actually nobody - cracked the code, which was disappointing. When I was preaching about God, it was obviously a reference to Hoddle.

And all those times that I've signaled to others in the Park Lane to burn their season tickets, you all responded with shouts that Levy has invested well and is a 'true fan' and has our best interests at heart.

Yeah, well, look at what the true fan has done.

This is akin to going out with a beautiful stunning woman. The sex is fantastic. Sure, she gets a headache now and again and the sessions in bed could be improved with her taking the initiative more and not sitting back waiting to get fucked. And sometimes her decision making is a little off-key. Would be nice if she swallowed rather than spat. But after two years of banging her, she’s in prime shape, and with the addition of a couple of expensive implants upfront she looks the business. But you want more. You don’t just want the ordinary. You want the goal all men strive for. You want her up both pipes. You want anal sex.

And she’s willing. She’s working towards it. You can almost smell the lube. But suddenly you get impatient. When is ‘soon’? What if she promises something that never materialises? Sticking a finger up there just isn’t enough, damn it!

Then next thing, you’re offering a hooker enough money to make her dizzy, just so that you can purposely dip your tie in the chocolate moose. The hooker turns you down, too busy with another client. But it’s too late. Your bird knows what you've done, and she’s heart broken.

There’s no chance of it now. You’ve lost her. And soon enough, with all trust gone, you’ll have to go back to speed-dating, while your ex has moved onto bigger and better things and is out getting fucked senseless up the arse without a condom.

And all you can think is: “It could have been me. I could have gone bareback like the pornos”

That's you Levy. You had the Brown Gold in your hands and you let it slip.

You make me sick. You and your blind idiotic followers.

An alternative look at the seasons events from White Hart Lane

Summer, 2007


LEVY: Here’s £40M, spend it well.
COMOLLI: Of course I will. Have I let you down before?
LEVY: Well, I suppose Zokora hasn’t…
COMOLLI: He needs to settle! Damn it Daniel how many times do I have to explain the settling down thing! Sacré bleu!
LEVY: Just make sure Martin has the final word on all transfer targets. Don't want to get him upset. He's scary when he's angry.
COMOLLI: Of course I will consult with him. As if I would spend the clubs money without the capo’s word.
LEVY: And if you plan to travel abroad to complete any potential signings, don’t allow some skinny teenager to take photos of any new players, resulting in them appearing on forums before the official site. Be discreet at all times! Remember go incognito.
COMOLLI: Fucking hell, yes, yes. Jesus, I know what I’m doing, I use to work for Arsenal for fucks sake. Chill out. I have a disguise and an alternative name I travel under.
LEVY: Which is?
COMOLLI: Diego Ribas da Cunha.
LEVY: Catchy.



Later on…


COMOLLI: So Martin, who should we bid for? A left-winger perhaps?
JOL: No, no. We need more midfielders, lots of them. All different types. Big midfielders, small midfielders, sexy midfielders, tall midfielders, fast midfielders, slick midfielders, young midfielders....
COMOLLI: A creative midfielder?
JOL: No, no. Let’s buy a left-back instead.
COMOLLI: Ok. But we have a few already…
JOL: Yes, but not Gareth Bale. Fantastic talent. Can score precision free-kicks. I want Bale.
COMOLLI: Ok. Let me just make a note of this……Must sign Bale.
JOL: Why are you writing it on your hand?
COMOLLI: I forgot my notepad.
JOL: Yes, but in crayon?
COMILLI: I left my pencil at home. Ok, so Bale is our target. Anyone else?
JOL: We need a defender, a good one. Young, strong. Someone to cover King.
COMOLLI: You have someone in mind?
JOL: No, no. I trust you to find someone. Scout some players and let me know who you recommend we should bid for. I will give you the go-ahead if I’m happy with the video footage.
COMOLLI: Ok, so two defenders on our hit-list. A left-winger perhaps now?
JOL: No. I want you to bid for Scott Parker and Kieran Dyer and offer them a kings ransom in wages.
COMOLLI: Right, ok. Dyer and Parker.....
JOL: Haha, don’t be a mug all your life. Of course I don't want them. They are shit. I want another young player with potential. Giles Barnes perhaps, or one from the continent.
COMOLLI: Ok, I think I know someone from abroad. Boateng. Good player, bags of potential. Will be one for the future.
JOL: Good, good. I like ones for the future. They need many hugs on the touchline. I'm good at that. Hugging.
COMOLLI: Yes, sir. You are. My back is still recovering. Anyone else? Left-wing?
JOL: Darren Bent.
COMOLLI: Darren Bent?
JOL: Yes. Why not. If we are going to challenge for 4th and all cups including UEFA Cup, why not have the best strike-force in England? Bid for Bent. Levy has money coming out of his bum.
COMOLLI: Ok. So Bale, Bent and Boateng. Left-wing now? A creative midfielder?
JOL: What’s your fucking hang-up on a creative midfielder? We have Taarabt. I will play him when he's ready and he will fill the void. We can save ourselves £10M or so.
COMOLLI: And the left-wing? We need to fill that void. Petrov perhaps?
JOL: Bah, Petrov, Shevtrov. Bid for him if you want.
COMILLI: I could try for Duff again if you prefer?
JOL: Forget it! He chose Newcastle. He got away from us. Its finished. Over. He is not a target anymore. Don't tell me you are still having the nightmares? He's hardly kicked a ball for them anyway.
COMOLLI: I nearly signed him you know. If only we offered him twice as much....if only......
JOL: Just bid for Petrov. Keep the Spurssh forums distracted for a bit. He wont sign. He'll do what Duff did and go where the money is. And all this fuss about a left-winger. We came 5th twice with no left-winger.
COMOLLI: I'll get to work now.
JOL: Good, I have some personal things to do online.



(Jol boots up his PC, logs into glory-glory.co.uk and starts a thread using his alias)



WE8CAMPBELL: I have some news. Torres is on his way. Medical tomorrow, should sign end of week.


JOL: Hehe...



Politics


MIDO: What’s this?
DIETITIAN: Its lunch.
MIDO: What? This is bullshit man. Bullshit!
DIETITIAN: It’s a healthy balanced meal, it’s what all the players get.
MIDO: Fuck this shit maaan! I want a fucking cheeseburger, double cheese, double burger with extra cheese and burger and some fucking burgers with fries. And I want a diet coke to go with that!
DIETITIAN: You can’t smoke in here.


(Mido Lights up a cigar)


MIDO: Fuck you. I’m Mido. Nobody tells me what to do.
DIETITIAN: Ok, well, can you take your meal please and join your teammates.
MIDO: It’s not a meal, man, its rabbit food. I’m wasting away here! I'm skin and bones!
DIETITIAN: Damn it, every day it’s the same thing. You can’t have a frigging burger! Now please Ahmed, take a seat....
MIDO: Yeah well fuck you and fuck this club and its politics. I’m going to Birmingham.


Later…


STEVE BRUCE: Ok, so that sorts out the wages. I’m happy. Anything else?
AGENT: I think we are fine.
STEVE BRUCE: Happy days.
MIDO: Hold on.
STEVE BRUCE: Yes..?
MIDO: What do we eat?
STEVE BRUCE: You mean now? We could go for a meal to celebrate, once you sign the contract.
MIDO: I’m not signing any motherfucking contract until I know what we eat. What do you feed the players?
STEVE BRUCE: Well, its all done by a dietitian, it’s a healthy balanced…..
MIDO: Cheeseburgers?
STEVE BRUCE: Of course not.
MIDO: Fuck this shit. I’m out of here. No burgers, no deal.



And later…..


GARETH SOUTHGATE: Hi Mido, its Gareth here. Would you be interested in joining Middlesboro?
MIDO: Jesus Christ, no fucking way.
GARETH SOUTHGATE: We are happy to pay you loads of money.
MIDO: Will the money be made of burger meat?
GARETH SOUTHGATE: I suppose that can be arranged.
MIDO: DEAL!


The Sunderland Defeat


LEVY: That wasn’t good.
JOL: I know, we played shit.
LEVY: What went wrong.
JOL: We didn’t get going.
LEVY: Let’s try and get back on track.
JOL: Will try to do so. With so many players out....
LEVY: You should be fine. You've got us up and running for the past two seasons.
JOL: I know. It will be fine.
LEVY: You know the newspapers and fans are going to start to stir up the wrong type of publicity for the club?
JOL: This is England, yes?
LEVY: Well, you have my support, 110%.
JOL: That's not a vote of confidence is it?
LEVY: Technically speaking I would have to release a press statement.
JOL: How's your wife?

(Pause and stare)

LEVY: Yes, shes good. You should come...come round for dinner one night.
JOL: I think I will.



In the forums


‘This is disgraceful!’
‘What’s gone wrong?’
‘No balance – no organisation’
‘Is Jol tactically inept?’
‘Who do we need to buy to get things right?’
'Worst weekend ever'
'Why so defensive?'
'I miss Ledders!'
‘Same old Tottenham’
‘Jol's not good enough!’



The Media


SLAG01: HAHA, looks like the Hotspurs have fucked up.
SLAG02: Yeah, should be fun slagging them off for flopping so badly, and live on TV too! £40M spent and they lose to Sunderland.
SLAG01: Serves them right, their fans are so fickle. They thought they could challenge for the title.
SLAG02: Did they say that?
SLAG01: Nah, just made it up. Gonna print it too.
SLAG02: Fuck, you’re good.
SLAG01: Course I am, that’s why I’m the Sports editor.
SLAG02: Up the ‘ammers!
SLAG01: HIGH FIVE!


The Everton Defeat


LEVY: Martin?
JOL: Yes, yes. I know. But you can’t judge me on two games.
LEVY: I’m not. But we need to pick up and pick up soon.
JOL: And we will. Two 5th places on the trot. No other Spurs manager in the past 20 years can claim that, no? Two defeats can't mean anything compared to two full seasons of progression, no?
LEVY: What are doing?
JOL: We will win against Derby and it will kick start our season.
LEVY: They booed the team tonight.
JOL: They may boo from the stands but face to face, they will shit their pants. They will sing my name on Saturday. I promise you. Anyways, they were not booing me. They were booing the players. And I've had words with them. They understand their responsibilities.
LEVY: Berbatov's out injured.
JOL: Yes, but we have Bent.
LEVY: Good signing. Money well spent.
JOL: I know.


In the forums


‘He’s got to go’
‘Humiliating’
‘What’s gone wrong?’
‘Why did we buy Bent?
'Dear Mr Levy...'
‘Jol doesn’t have a clue’
‘He’s not the right person for the job’
‘How long does he have left?’
'Two defeats - is our season over?'
'No midfield, why didn't we invest better?'
'The last two years have been flushed down the toilet'



The Bookies


BOOKIE01: Bets are piling on.
BOOKIE02: One little white lie and were in the money.
BOOKIE01: Farking mugs! Easy money!



In the Media


SLAG01: HAHA! Another loss.
SLAG02: Yeah, we should run stories on him being under pressure and the board being unhappy.
SLAG01: Are the board unhappy? Have you spoken to someone there?
SLAG02: Well no….
SLAG01: I know, we can say….an insider told us!
SLAG02: Yes! Of course. But we need more exclusives.
SLAG01: Easy. Lets wait for the Spurs fans to give us some ideas.
SLAG02: How?
SLAG01: Easy. Type in www.glory-glory...


In the forums, In the know...


‘Levy is unhappy and Spurs are looking for a replacement’
‘Jol has been sacked. Derby is his ‘wave goodbye game’'
‘Ramos is an option’
‘Comolli and Jol don’t get on, Jol has no power over transfers’
‘Levy and Jol don’t get on’
‘Board unhappy with Jol’
‘Spurs sending director to meet with Ramos’
‘Jol knows he is history’



Back in the Media


SLAG01: This is Gold!
SLAG02: Are you copy and pasting?
SLAG01: Yes, I know how to copy and paste!
SLAG02: Use spell checker too.
SLAG01: Back pages here we come!
SLAG02: How much do you earn?
SLAG01: £90,000
SLAG02: HIGH FIVE!!


In Spain


KEMSLEY: Hi, I’d like to inquire about some of your players?
RAMOS: No chance.
KEMSLEY: Are you available?
RAMOS: I don't date men.
KEMSLEY: That's not what I meant.
RAMOS: You want me to leave Champions League, two-times UEFA Cup Champions for Spurs?
KEMSLEY: Doesn't sound plausible when someone says it out loud.
RAMOS: Adiós.



The Derby Win


LEVY: That’s better.
JOL: Yes. Jenas was majestic.
LEVY: Good comfortable three points and a clean sheet.
JOL: Did you hear the crowd singing my name before we even scored?
LEVY: Yes, yes, you have no hair. I’ve heard it once or twice before.
JOL: Utd up next.
LEVY: Fergie's job is on the line over there. Three games none won. We might be in for a backlash.
JOL: With Jenas on form, we have nothing to fear. He destroyed newly promoted Derby.



The Media


SLAG01: Fuck. Can we still write negative things even though they won?
SLAG02: Of course! You’re the editor! You can do what you want!
SLAG01: Ok, lets change the ‘has 1 game to save himself’ to ‘has 6 games to save himself’
SLAG02: What about these photos?
SLAG01: What photos?
SLAG02: These.
SLAG01: Your hand is empty, you have an empty hand. You are not holding anything.
SLAG02: Oh yes, but am I?
SLAG01: (Stares)
SLAG02: In my hand, I have photographs of Ramos and a Spurs director talking shop about becoming the new Spurs boss.
SLAG01: But your hand is empty, theres nothing….Oh, I get it. Magic invisible truth photos! Can we print them?
SLAG02: I don’t think we can. Probably best not to. They are only magic when they are in my hands.
SLAG01: Let’s just say we have them, but cant use them. But we've seen them, so that should be enough for our readers.
SLAG02: Excellent! Make sure we use an extra large font to hide the fact we have nothing to report in our exclusive!
SLAG01: Brilliant!


The Fans and the forums...


‘What about the negatives from the game?’
‘No official comment from club on rumours’
‘We beat Derby, doesn’t mean he’s safe’
'Is Adel better than Zidane?'
‘If theres smoke theres fire’
‘Any more rumours floating about?’
‘Berbatov wants to leave’
‘Says who?’
‘Who cares, lets turn this 'Berbs to leave' thread into a 30 pager and the Daily Mirror is bound to see it’
‘Yay! More bullshit! w00t!’



The Sunday Supplement (on Sky)


PRESENTER: Should we spend 10 minutes talking about Tottenham?
JOURNO: Sure, let’s spend 10 minutes talking about rumours and conjecture and look all serious and intellectual when doing it as we are at the peak of our profession.
JOURNO2: Sounds good. I know someone at the club who tells me that Jol and Levy don’t get on.
PRESENTER: Really?
JOURNO2: No, of course not. I read it online.
PRESENTER: Do you have anything to add?
JOURNO2: Billy Levy doesn’t know what he’s doing and Craig Comolli buys all the players without telling Jol and smuggles them into the training Lodge and has them all wearing Jeans masks in training.
JOURNO: And then theres the English block that stops the continental system of having a coach and director of football working at Spurs.
PRESENTER: Jol is Dutch, Comolli is French. They are both continental.

(Silence)

JOURNO: Yes, but its the English block! They don't know how to use the continental system over here. Its too confusing for them. They're in England so being Dutch or French isn't relevant. Jol should be left to be the manager of the club and buy the players he wants to buy. And anyway, theres way too much for a manager to do nowadays and they need help when it comes to running the first team and dealing with transfers.
PRESENTER: You're not making sense. You just contradicted yourself.

(Silence)

JOURNO: I support West Ham United and get paid £90,000 a year.



Back at Spurs


LEVY: Bit crazy all these stories. Ramos this and Ramos that. Don't believe what you read, Martin.
JOL: What stories? Oh, them. No, no. Not paying too much attention. Daniel, can you call me back. I’m playing Football Manager. I'm two nil-up against Arsenal at home......Oh shit, make that 2-1.